Feeling wretched about friend's son's accident

Georgiegirl256

*SuzySue* wrote: »

What a horrible, uncaring person you must be. Do you pull the legs off spiders for fun?

I have put up and stayed up with my friend late/till the early hours for 3 nights straight, done everything I can to make her comfortable enough to sleep while the images of her child's face all covered in blood are all she sees when she closes her eyes, fed her, made sure she and her son have clean clothes and comfortable beds and you think I'm wanting to be centre of attention?!

"And you think I'm wanting to be the centre of attention?!"

I just had to comment on this sentence. I didn't think you were being a drama queen until I read in your previous post that it was "her worst fear has come true". I'm sorry, but if that's her worst fear then she needs to give herself a damn good shake, and so do you. A hell of a lot worse could have happened to the poor wee thing....a hell of a lot worse.

Yes, it's an awful thing to have happened, but your description above makes it sound like something a whole lot worse than knocking his tooth out has happened.

I'm not making light of it, I know it's an awful thing to happen. It happened to me when I was about 3 or 4. I was running to meet a friend at play group, tripped over a flag stone and knocked my front tooth out. I remember nothing of it, and my adult tooth came through with no problems. The only people making something of it are the adults, the little boy probably won't remember any of it when he grows up, kids have accidents, don't turn it into a crisis.

Autumn0708

It was an accident! of course you will feel bad, kids hurt themselves all the the time as do adults. No harm meant no real harm lasting!

I cannot understand the general nastiness of people in real life or on this site!

*SuzySue*

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

"And you think I'm wanting to be the centre of attention?!"

I just had to comment on this sentence. I didn't think you were being a drama queen until I read in your previous post that it was "her worst fear has come true". I'm sorry, but if that's her worst fear then she needs to give herself a damn good shake, and so do you. A hell of a lot worse could have happened to the poor wee thing....a hell of a lot worse.

Yes, it's an awful thing to have happened, but your description above makes it sound like something a whole lot worse than knocking his tooth out has happened.

I'm not making light of it, I know it's an awful thing to happen. It happened to me when I was about 3 or 4. I was running to meet a friend at play group, tripped over a flag stone and knocked my front tooth out. I remember nothing of it, and my adult tooth came through with no problems. The only people making something of it are the adults, the little boy probably won't remember any of it when he grows up, kids have accidents, don't turn it into a crisis.

We're not turning it into a crisis. I do think there's a bit of a difference between losing 1/20 and 1/5 of your teeth, and we know he'll be fine, but that doesn't lessen the initial shock for the rest of us!

sax11

Autumn0708 wrote: »

It was an accident! of course you will feel bad, kids hurt themselves all the the time as do adults. No harm meant no real harm lasting!

I cannot understand the general nastiness of people in real life or on this site!

It isn't general nastiness, some people are blunt, some won't make a drama.

This is a mountain/molehill scenario

a kid got some teeth out - it happens. Be thankful he wasn't run over .

harrys_dad

*SuzySue* wrote: »

Thank you. I just can't stop thinking about the pain he must have been in, how hard it's going to be for him to eat apples etc for the next 3+ years, that he might get picked on at school......... It's horrible.

This is what my daughter calls "catastrophising", namely always looking for the worst implication for the future and making yourself thoroughly miserable in the process.

As others have said, accidents happen, you can't change it now, get on with life.

megela

Please don't feel bad, accidents happen. My 10 yo dd knocked out her front adult tooth 5 years ago. She's had to have no end of orthodontic treatment and will have an implant eventually.

She says that if this is the worse she has to deal with she'll be lucky. (and I'm so proud of the way she's dealt with it)

In fact the only time she got upset was when an ignorant photographer told her to smile with her mouth closed!

At least his teeth will be replaced eventually by adult teeth.

harrys_dad

megela wrote: »

In fact the only time she got upset was when an ignorant photographer told her to smile with her mouth closed!

At least his teeth will be replaced eventually by adult teeth.

But not the photographer's teeth, assuming you took appropriate retribution

IrishRose12

*SuzySue* wrote: »

What a horrible, uncaring person you must be. Do you pull the legs off spiders for fun?

I have put up and stayed up with my friend late/till the early hours for 3 nights straight, done everything I can to make her comfortable enough to sleep while the images of her child's face all covered in blood are all she sees when she closes her eyes, fed her, made sure she and her son have clean clothes and comfortable beds and you think I'm wanting to be centre of attention?!

SuzySue I was sympathetic for you and had a completely different post to reply with until I saw this post from you.

If this is the way your friend is reacting to her son losing a few teeth, and having a simple accident then I feel sorry for the wee boy. I can tell this wee one is wrapped up in cotton wool, lifted and laid and not allowed to get dirty or no-one is allowed to touch her wee son.
His mum needs to let her son grow up, have independance and a life. I feel sorry for his teachers when he starts school, as I just know that she is a parent that I and the teacher I work with dread coming into the room.

Mother of God he bled a bit and lost some teeth. It's not the end of the world! If he ate too many sweets and needed teeth removed it would be done under GA anyway as dentists won't remove teeth in children while they are awake! (not more than 2 teeth anyway that I know of)
And as for getting picked on in school because he lost teeth??? REALLY??? the other kids either won't notice or ask what happened, he'll say he fell and that'll be the end of it.

As for his mum and how you feel, get over it, it was an accident, accidents happen. There's no need to be losing sleep over it, he wasn't hurt, she really needs to wake up and see her son is a human being and a child who needs to learn, and certainly wise up to not sleeping for 3 nights because of these "horrible images" and needs someone to feed her, I mean SERIOUSLY how old is this woman?? Seems to me you're being played and made to feel guilty personally.
The wee boy will have forgotten about it, thinks he's a big brave boy as he was so good in hospital and had a fuss made over him without being suffocating. Oh, and he'll have learnt from his accident to look where he's going next time he's playing!
Let the child be that, a child. And leave any guilt and silliness behind FGS.

Jeez if I reacted like her when my oldest 2 have fallen I'd be having the men in white coats coming for me:eek:

*SuzySue*

IrishRose12 wrote: »

SuzySue I was sympathetic for you and had a completely different post to reply with until I saw this post from you.

If this is the way your friend is reacting to her son losing a few teeth, and having a simple accident then I feel sorry for the wee boy. I can tell this wee one is wrapped up in cotton wool, lifted and laid and not allowed to get dirty or no-one is allowed to touch her wee son.
His mum needs to let her son grow up, have independance and a life. I feel sorry for his teachers when he starts school, as I just know that she is a parent that I and the teacher I work with dread coming into the room.

This child has more freedom than the average and has a fantastic life. So sorry, but you can't "tell" anything of the sort. His mother works with extremely disabled children. She's raising him brilliantly, but don't let that stop your short-sighted b1tching.

IrishRose12 wrote: »

[STRIKE]Mother of God[/STRIKE] he bled a bit and lost some teeth. It's not the end of the world! If he ate too many sweets and needed teeth removed it would be done under GA anyway as dentists won't remove teeth in children while they are awake! (not more than 2 teeth anyway that I know of)

They attempted to remove all 4 with local anaesthetic, which the child understandably found incredibly scary. They do whatever they can to avoid GA nowadays it seems.

IrishRose12 wrote: »

And as for getting picked on in school because he lost teeth??? REALLY??? the other kids either won't notice or ask what happened, he'll say he fell and that'll be the end of it.

Hopefully that will be what happens. Not all children are brought up to be respectful of others' differences.

IrishRose12 wrote: »

As for his mum and how you feel, get over it, it was an accident, accidents happen. There's no need to be losing sleep over it, he wasn't hurt, she really needs to wake up and see her son is a human being and a child who needs to learn, and certainly wise up to not sleeping for 3 nights because of these "horrible images" and needs someone to feed her, I mean SERIOUSLY how old is this woman?? Seems to me you're being played and made to feel guilty personally.

They don't live here anymore. They live hundreds of miles away. They were planning to go home on Sunday, but couldn't because of the accident. They've stayed with us. So I've fed her (her son hasn't eaten since Monday). Do you help yourself to food when you're staying in other peoples' houses?

I am absolutely positive that 2 days after your toddler lost a fifth of their teeth and underwent general anaesthetic you wouldn't be thinking "oh well, it's fine. I feel brilliant. Let's get a bottle of champagne and celebrate."

IrishRose12 wrote: »

The wee boy will have forgotten about it, thinks he's a big brave boy as he was so good in hospital and had a fuss made over him without being suffocating. Oh, and he'll have learnt from his accident to look where he's going next time he's playing!
Let the child be that, a child. And leave any guilt and silliness behind FGS.

Jeez if I reacted like her when my oldest 2 have fallen I'd be having the men in white coats coming for me:eek:

Child actually is recovering brilliantly. They are understandably very sore still and won't eat, and keeps making us promise not to make him go to hospital again. He woke up from the GA earlier than expected and freaked out a bit, so that's obviously playing on his mind.

If you think that all parents and all children will (or should) respond identically to unexpected events, then I pity the children you work with. The beauty of humanity is that we're all different. Telling someone to basically "get over themselves" is extremely ignorant and shows a complete lack of understanding.

*SuzySue*

sax11 wrote: »

It isn't general nastiness, some people are blunt, some won't make a drama.

This is a mountain/molehill scenario

a kid got some teeth out - it happens. Be thankful he wasn't run over .

It was a pedestrianised shopping area, but I get your point.