Feeling wretched about friend's son's accident

edited 30 November -1 at 1:00AM in Marriage, Relationships & Families
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*SuzySue**SuzySue* Forumite
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edited 30 November -1 at 1:00AM in Marriage, Relationships & Families
I met up with a friend on Sunday with our kids (both 3). They were really excited to see each other as my friend now lives far away so their meetings are really special.

Anyway, we went out. The streets we were walking down were quiet, so the kids were playing and running about together. My friend's son was trying to get my daughter to chase him when he misjudged his direction and ran face first into a lamppost. There was blood everywhere, and it transpired not from his nose. We went straight to A+E, who said that he had knocked some teeth loose and they would have to remove them. He had 4 teeth removed yesterday under general anesthetic. :(

I just feel so sick with guilt. I chose the place we were going (we were taking them to the cinema). If we'd gone to the park it wouldn't have happened. If we hadn't let the kids run it wouldn't have happened. :(

Not sure what I'm looking for here. Just feel completely wretched.
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Replies

  • azzabazzaazzabazza Forumite
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    Don't beat yourself up about this. Unfortunately accidents happen wherever. The wee boy could have tripped and fallen in the park, fallen off a swing etc etc. His mum was with you on the outing and in fact had overall charge of her son. Imagine how you would feel if she hadn't been there and you had been in charge.

    One of my grandsons broke a front baby tooth at age 2 and his adult tooth has grown in beautifully.

    So long as the wee boy gets better that is the main thing.
  • azzabazza wrote: »
    Don't beat yourself up about this. Unfortunately accidents happen wherever. The wee boy could have tripped and fallen in the park, fallen off a swing etc etc. His mum was with you on the outing and in fact had overall charge of her son. Imagine how you would feel if she hadn't been there and you had been in charge.

    One of my grandsons broke a front baby tooth at age 2 and his adult tooth has grown in beautifully.

    So long as the wee boy gets better that is the main thing.

    Thank you. I just can't stop thinking about the pain he must have been in, how hard it's going to be for him to eat apples etc for the next 3+ years, that he might get picked on at school......... It's horrible. :(
  • geri1965_2geri1965_2 Forumite
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    I would be surprised if there were any kids who have never had an accident - it's part of life. He will be right as rain in a few days and will probably forget all about it.
  • Poppy9Poppy9 Forumite
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    When DD was 2 she fell off my back when we were playing horsey horsey and knocked her two front teeth back. Blood pouring everywhere and she had to have teeth removed by GA too.

    She was fine, I felt wretched. OH never blamed me.

    Age 3 she had started school, minus her 2 front teeth, and we are in supermarket when one of her new classmates was in front of us at checkout. He was a talkative little boy and said something to his mother like "this is xxxxx and she doesn't have any front teeth, why don't you have front teeth". DD was cool and said "I knocked them out". The boy's mother mortified but I was just amused and had got past the guilt feeling months before.

    Now 17 years later we laugh about how I "knocked" her teeth out!!
    :) ~Laugh and the world laughs with you, weep and you weep alone.~:)
  • azzabazzaazzabazza Forumite
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    *SuzySue* wrote: »
    Thank you. I just can't stop thinking about the pain he must have been in, how hard it's going to be for him to eat apples etc for the next 3+ years, that he might get picked on at school......... It's horrible. :(


    The other children might be jealous thinking the tooth fairy has come early! I wouldn't be surprised if his gums adapt by hardening to compensate for no baby teeth. Think how proficient some toothless babies are with solid food!

    Have you spoken to his Mum about it? I bet she feels 100 times worse than you.

    Take care and try not to dwell on it.
  • TBagpussTBagpuss Forumite
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    *Hugs* it's always a nasty shock, but it wasn't your fault. You could just as easily argue that if your friend had stopped him running around, or made him hold her hand, it wouldn't have happened.

    Sometimes accidents happen which aren't really anyone's fault.
    All posts are my personal opinion, not formal advice Always get proper, professional advice (particularly about anything legal!)
  • edited 29 April 2014 at 7:18PM
    duchyduchy Forumite
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    edited 29 April 2014 at 7:18PM
    So you chose where you all went. So what !
    The other Mum could have said no.....and suggested somewhere else......or told him not to run.

    A child was hurt, his Mum is probably upset her child was hurt .........and your post is all about how upset YOU are?

    Either you always need to be the centre of attention ......or you are totally over reacting.

    It was an accident ......just one of those things. Sometimes things are no ones fault...that is why they are called accidents.
    I Would Rather Climb A Mountain Than Crawl Into A Hole

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  • peachypricepeachyprice Forumite
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    *SuzySue* wrote: »
    Thank you. I just can't stop thinking about the pain he must have been in, how hard it's going to be for him to eat apples etc for the next 3+ years, that he might get picked on at school......... It's horrible. :(

    My son lost his four front teeth when he was two, he fell head first onto the concrete floor in my friend's house. He managed to eat just fine, an nobody ever teased him at school. He's now the most handsome 19yo ever (not that I am biased ;))with perfect teeth.

    His mother was there, she could have told him to behave, but she didn't, she's as much to 'blame', not that there should be any blame and guilt over an accident that happens to thousands of children.
    Accept your past without regret, handle your present with confidence and face your future without fear
  • HermiaHermia Forumite
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    Every kid has accidents and every kid has scars. I have an absolutely enormous scar on my hand. It's from when I visited my mum's work and got a paper cut that cut straight through the back of my hand. I am sure it never occurred to her to protect me from paper!

    TBH would you really want the kids having a life protected from everything. I had a friend whose parents were hugely over-protective. She wasn't allowed to take part in any sports, have a bike, go to the fairground, go on park equipment etc. She has a miserable childhood.
  • edited 29 April 2014 at 7:42PM
    marisco_2marisco_2 Forumite
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    edited 29 April 2014 at 7:42PM
    Kids will be kids, they get into scrapes and have accidents. It is all part of growing up, and teaches them valuable lessons about becoming responsible and taking care of themselves. My parents lost count of the amount of times I fell out of trees, went over my handlebars and crashed into things on my roller skates. Don't even get me started on what happened to me when I took up ice skating. Yeah okay I was a bit of a liability, but I lived to tell the tale with no ill effects.

    Rather than beat yourself up over this incident consider all the positive things that you were doing. Spending time socialising with friends, out and about in the fresh air, planning to do a fun activity. It is that which will be remembered in years to come, not a bump to the bonce and a few lost teeth.

    OP children are given far too little freedom now. Few play and explore outside every day, some have never climbed a tree, chalked on the pavement, made up new games, dug in mud or made a den. There are little kids out there who don't even know how to ride a bike! Don't dwell on this or let it cause you any more anxiety. You are doing great by your daughter and her friend.
    The best day of your life is the one on which you decide your life is your own, no apologies or excuses. No one to lean on, rely on or blame. The gift is yours - it is an amazing journey - and you alone are responsible for the quality of it. This is the day your life really begins.
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