Letter from School quoting Abusive Language

Carfal

The OP's daughter is not one of the temporarily excluded children ("suspension" no longer exists), but is the OP absolutely sure that she isn't involved on some level? To send out a letter by post to all the children in two classes is an expensive and time-consuming thing for a school to do so they must feel that other children in the year-group are involved/ possibly involved/ in danger of becoming involved at some level. Given the content described, posting was the only appropriate way of sending this information home and given the OP's shock over what was written, the school obviously wanted parents to be aware of the content and avoid speculation on the matter. They have made it clear that they consider this serious enough to warrant the sanctions given.

Have *all* parents received a letter? Have all parents who received the letter received the transcript as well as the letter? Most likely, there will have been other inappropriate conversations before they escalated to the one which the OP's daughter's friend's parent (a very close link friendship-wise) saw and probably reported.

These things don't come from nowhere. Groups of girls of this age can be thoroughly unpleasant to each other over extended periods of time; this may not be the only problem within this group and the school may not have the whole picture.The OP's daughter may not have been involved on this occasion, but could she have been involved on previous occasions, even if not to the same degree as this extreme conversation?

The OP's daughter *says* she does not use Skype. Does the OP know this to be true, even when daughter is unsupervised, at friends' houses etc.? Children also talk to each other in real-life, write notes, tell their friends to say things. There are other forms of social media besides Skype and many children are more Internet-savvy than their parents. Given the timing, this conversation probably happened during the Easter holidays. Is the OP completely aware of their child's Internet activity over the whole holiday?

Time for a serious conversation with the daughter to find out what is going on from her perspective. Also time to start supporting the school in its attempts to protect its pupils, including the OP's daughter. The school is obviously taking this incident very seriously and would hope parents do too, hence the transcript being sent. If the OP wishes to pursue this further, they need to make an appointment to see the headteacher. If this is in school time and the OP considers the incident affects their daughter's welfare then they will find a way of attending.

The OP should not approach the governor or another teacher. This is the headteacher's responsibility and individual governors can not act in isolation. Similarly, if the OP approaches a member of staff informally, that person will not be able to say or do anything other than refer the OP to the headteacher. If the outcome of the meeting with the headteacher is not to the OP's satisfaction, they can then decide whether to drop the issue, follow the school complaints procedure or remove their daughter from the school.

cte1111

The letter was addressed to "Parents of year 6 children". I think it is reasonable to conclude that it was sent to all parents of year 6 children. My daughter was not involved, we were away on holiday when it took place. She had no internet or phone access. The children who sent the messages are not my daughter's friends, although one of them did know about it.

She does not have a Skype account. I'm not saying she's always 100% honest with me, but I do know when she is not telling the truth and will challenge her on it.

Given that my Mum is chair of governors of a primary school and used to be a teacher, I think she knows more about the etiquette of discussing school issues with a parent governor or teacher. What is the point of having parent governors if other parents aren't allowed to talk to them about the school?

valk_scot

cte1111 wrote: »

The conversation referred to bestiality, incest, racism, sexual violence, homophobia, explicit references to oral sex, along with some general childish taunting, e.g. you have no friends and your parents are ugly prostitutes (para-phrasing).

And your DD is in P7? Then I would say there's a very good chance she's heard references to all of these things in the playground already. Not all children are brought up in a sheltered environment. My kids used to come home from quite an early age and ask me what various expressions meant, I remember my then nine year old DS asking me what a blow job was for example. I got quite used to giving brisk factual answers! I'd rather my kids (both son and daughter) knew what things actually meant than leave it to their peers to provide "explanations". I'm not saying I felt particularly comfortable about my children knowing about some things but once a topic reared it's ugly head in the playground I'd rather they knew facts.


And it is a fact, there's a lot of foul language going on out there at a very early age. Clutching your pearls and saying "Not for MY ears!! " and presumably these of your DD is not going to make this go away, your DD is exposed to this sort of thing daily. Far better to be forewarned and forearmed, I say, no matter how shocking you personally find it.

Mojisola

Carfal wrote: »

The OP should not approach the governor or another teacher.

Nonsense! That's what the parent governors in particular are there for - to take parents' concerns to the governing body.

When I was Chair of Governors, my contact details were given out to all parents so that they could raise issues with me.

mandragora_2

I haven't read the whole thread, so apologies if this has already been covered, but I have to say that I can't think of any reason that a blanket letter needed to include a transcript of an explicit and offensive message sequence. I can't see what was gained by it.

I work in a secondary school, and from time to time have to deal with incidents where foul and abusive things have been written down - and that's the phrase I'd use when contacting the parents/carers of the youngsters involved if I was doing so in writing. There's no need for me to use the language in a letter home, even as a quotation. If parents/carers of the children involved want to know the exact words and phrases used, I will, of course, let them know - but it certainly wouldn't be my opening line, and not anything I'd ever use in a wider context and part of a whole year group communication, as has been reported here.

meritaten

mandragora wrote: »

I haven't read the whole thread, so apologies if this has already been covered, but I have to say that I can't think of any reason that a blanket letter needed to include a transcript of an explicit and offensive message sequence. I can't see what was gained by it.

I work in a secondary school, and from time to time have to deal with incidents where foul and abusive things have been written down - and that's the phrase I'd use when contacting the parents/carers of the youngsters involved if I was doing so in writing. There's no need for me to use the language in a letter home, even as a quotation. If parents/carers of the children involved want to know the exact words and phrases used, I will, of course, let them know - but it certainly wouldn't be my opening line, and not anything I'd ever use in a wider context and part of a whole year group communication, as has been reported here.

I suggest you DO read the whole thread. it will become clear why the head felt it necessary to include the transcript. upsetting though it was to the OP.

and it will answer why the OP has changed her viewpoint. I think she now realises it gives her a real chance to explore these issues with her daughter. frankly and honestly. and allay any fears her child may have. because what some of these kids may have said to others could have scared them.

whodathunkit

securityguy wrote: »

Hardly.

The child then gets access to the Internet at a friend's house, or via a friend's phone, or at a library, or at school (you don't seriously think the filtering is effective, do you?) or, when fractionally older, buys a PAYG phone. Then, then it goes horribly wrong, instead of talking to their parents, which would reveal what they've been doing behind their parents' backs, they have to try to deal with it themselves, which they can't.

See also "my daughter won't get pregnant, I've never even told her what sex is", "of course my child doesn't drink, it's just bad parenting" and all the other pathways to disaster.

Short of going an living on Rockall, you are living in the 21st century. That has some problems. The belief that you can "simply" prevent children from coming into contact with bad stuff is just a fantasy, and that makes like much more complex.

You should've read the post I was replying to rather than writing a long post to answer something I didn't actually say.;)

Mojisola

I think it's also important to realise that our children sometimes try to protect us when they know our sensitivities. I've heard kids saying things like - my Mum always says I can talk to her about anything but I couldn't mention X or Y - she hates bad language/sexual references/etc. If she knew what gets said in the playground, she'd go crazy!

Carmina-Piranha_2

Janepig wrote: »

It has calmed down a bit now but even stupid stuff like one of them will do a Bio on Instagram with who their BFF's are and someone who isn't included will take offence and all hell will break loose. DD had a "boyfriend" before Christmas (I use the term very lightly, they had two "dates" and barely spoke to each other!) and she received messages from so called "friends" expressing surprise that she had a boyfriend because she's "buzzing" etc...

What's "buzzing"?

Janepig

Carmina-Piranha wrote: »

What's "buzzing"?

Lol, is it a local term then? I never knew!

Basically if you don't like something, ie, if you ate something that tasted disgusting you'd say it was "buzzing". In the context it was was used towards DD it would mean that she's ugly.

On a side note, DD played in a netball tournament today and in their last play off match she played against a team that included the girl who messaged her to say she was "buzzing" (she plays in the same position as DD on the other team). Anyway, DD's team beat them soundly (including four goals scored by DD) and I might have just done a teeny tiny bit of gloating :D.

Jx