Letter from School quoting Abusive Language

GeraldineA

It's surprising to me that so many of the parents who think they are right on top of their children's internet use have allowed them to use Facebook. Surely the age limit is 13? So in order to set up an account for children under this age, they have to lie about their age. It doesn't sound like a very good example to set, effectively telling their child that it is ok to be untruthful when online.

couponqueen123

cte1111 wrote: »

As I've already said, we monitor our children's online activity fairly closely. I've also talked to them about why this is so and talked to them about being careful online. The main letter was helpful, both to let us know what has happened and to remind us to be vigilant.

However I don't feel it was necessary to deliberately shock the parents of over 60 children, just because 2 were involved in some very unpleasant activity.

and if u heard in the playground about this i bet ud be up in arms that u hadnt seen this

id be very greatfull that the teacher showed me this so i could go over it with my daughter as i bet she knows about it

to me it sounds like you dont want that chat with yr child --- its needed as its clearly been talked about in school

z.n

(Just spotted that OP has changed their view- but am leaving this post as is.)

I haven't read every comment so apologies if I repeat what has been said. With two teens (girl and boy) I think I have dealt with my fair share of incidents like these and I think OP is slightly missing the point. It is fantastic that the school Head has alerted you to the reality of life so you have a chance to put all the 'filth' in context for your daughter. Make no mistake, just because you were not aware of it does not mean your daughter is not exposed to all sorts of stuff you would rather she were not. It is not just what you do in relation to your child, but rather what other parents do not monitor in relation to theirs.

She is probably trying to make sense of it all and surely it is better that you know what has been going on and the scale of it. Having had to explain pretty much every perversion going and the actual meaning of various slang terms to my son in Year 7 as a result of other boys watching !!!!!! and a similar incident to your daughters with mine in Year 5 it is simply a question of how you handle it when it happens-and in my experience it can come as a tsunami. This is just the warning ripple. Best to be prepared in advance- or at least be confident that your kids can ask you any question and get an honest and open answer without dramatic outrage. This I think is why the Government keep pushing sex ed earlier and earlier- to get the right message in there early enough as many of us parents leave it just that bit too late for the nasty stuff.

And my kids attended/attend schools rated outstanding in pretty much every category and both are polite and well behaved as are their classmates, so this is not good/bad school matter- it is a life issue.

claire21

I feel rather sorry for the kids that got suspended and their parents as everyone now knows who it is. I'm sure there are more kids that have done things like this and they just didn't get caught.

larkrisetocandleford

claire21 wrote: »

I feel rather sorry for the kids that got suspended and their parents as everyone now knows who it is. I'm sure there are more kids that have done things like this and they just didn't get caught.

I think it may be embarrassing short term, but if nothing else it will bring home the fact that once you say it/do it on the net it is out there and can come back to bite you. This may turn out to be an excellent and important life lesson for all concerned.

sooty&sweep

Hi
I've not read this full post so apologies if I've missed something.
I'll be honest to say yes I'd be upset to receive such a letter but to be honest I think the Head is in a no win situation.
If they just refer to foul language there are going to be those that interpret that to be very minor rude words and the school is fussing.
I think this goes beyond foul language & the Head had to show you just how much. Yes it will upset people but you need to know to be able to support & protect your child.
Jen

whodathunkit

slightlyconfused1 wrote: »

Unfortunately we can't monitor our kids all the time. The mobile phone we give them to help keep them safe also exposes them to unsupervised use of internet etc.

Then just get them a simple mobile without internet access - problem solved.

moomoomama27

Just wanted to share an experience I had with my then pre teen daughter.

I was then, the type of parent who was very scared of the outside world, for my daughter. I was very strict, and looking back stifling. This made my daughter rebel against me, and despite setting firm boundaries at home with regards to internet usage, mobile phones and social networking, she found ways of going behind my back, to friends houses, and even the local library! Setting up accounts to various networking and messenger services. Of course we had discussed the dangers, but to a 12-15 year old that makes no difference, if they have a stubborn personality. As we learned to give more trust, and set realistic boundaries things improved. But looking back, it was our reluctance to allow her to explore the world that could have backfired and put her in more danger!

I think it's vitally important that as parents we are alerted to things to offer alternatives to our children, and at times give them more flexible boundaries. That's not to say we should encourage f'ing and blinding on the internet, but instead be more open. Consider age appropriate compromises etc..

securityguy

whodathunkit wrote: »

Then just get them a simple mobile without internet access - problem solved.

Hardly.

The child then gets access to the Internet at a friend's house, or via a friend's phone, or at a library, or at school (you don't seriously think the filtering is effective, do you?) or, when fractionally older, buys a PAYG phone. Then, then it goes horribly wrong, instead of talking to their parents, which would reveal what they've been doing behind their parents' backs, they have to try to deal with it themselves, which they can't.

See also "my daughter won't get pregnant, I've never even told her what sex is", "of course my child doesn't drink, it's just bad parenting" and all the other pathways to disaster.

Short of going an living on Rockall, you are living in the 21st century. That has some problems. The belief that you can "simply" prevent children from coming into contact with bad stuff is just a fantasy, and that makes like much more complex.

Madmel

I'm also with the Headteacher on this.

Yes, OP, you were shocked and it is not pleasant reading this sort of language. However, this has presented you with a fantastic opportunity, if you are prepared to take it. Inform yourself what each of those words means, however distasteful this is. Then if and when your DD asks a question, you are prepared and can give them a safe, sanitised answer. You retain your credibility and your DD will feel reassured that she can always ask you and be given an honest response.

I have 2 teenage DDs and also teach children from 9 - 18. A few know a lot, a few know very little, and the vast majority know quite a bit, but there are often a number of misunderstandings [which can be amusing] but these kids worry about offending their parents so do not ask for clarification. My girls complain that when they ask what something means, I give them a straight answer - obviously shows you can't win them all! - but from the earliest days we decided as a family that any such issues would be dealt with honestly and I am a blunt northerner. Occasionally when they were younger we had to resort to "I'll explain later" because the situation was simply not appropriate for detail, but we kept our word.

I understand why you were shocked, but by taking this action, the Head has brought the issue out into the open and given parents an opportunity to engage with what their kids are up to. For what it's worth, I find year 6 girls a total nightmare as they feel too grown-up for primary school, and such language is their way of *proving* it.