What's the best way to tell a 4 yr old you n partner r splitting up

pleasedelete

Whatever you tell her it must be both of you together- not one or the other.

geerex

iammumtoone wrote: »

That is not helpful. Yes it is tragic but the OP will know that, they do not need it pointed out to them! I am sure they do not want to be in this situation, they did not have a child for this to happen, nobody does but nobody knows what the future holds and all they can do is handle it the best they can. Asking for advise is a good way to do that please do not put people off asking for help, to help their child, by posting unnecessary comments.

You have a child together, you stay together. End of. Too many broken families in this country, and too many affected individuals as a result.

I'm sorry, but I refuse to believe that a relationship can break down so irrevocably in 4 years that the best thing to do is to split up. 4 years is nothing, they had a child, they must have had a conversation regarding a long term commitment and a reaffirming of their intentions to be together.

OP - reconcile and stay together for the sake of your child. Poor thing.

System

geerex wrote: »

You have a child together, you stay together. End of. Too many broken families in this country, and too many affected individuals as a result.

I'm sorry, but I refuse to believe that a relationship can break down so irrevocably in 4 years that the best thing to do is to split up. 4 years is nothing, they had a child, they must have had a conversation regarding a long term commitment and a reaffirming of their intentions to be together.

OP - reconcile and stay together for the sake of your child. Poor thing.

I really don't think it's always that straight forward, people can change and not be the person they were when you married them and sometimes there is no coming back from that. And staying together for the kids can cause just as muh damage if not more at times

whodathunkit

If it's a trial separation, why say anything yet or surely you're prejudging the results of the trial? Have you looked at going to relationship counselling with something like Relate?

fivetide

geerex wrote: »

You have a child together, you stay together. End of. Too many broken families in this country, and too many affected individuals as a result.

I'm sorry, but I refuse to believe that a relationship can break down so irrevocably in 4 years that the best thing to do is to split up. 4 years is nothing, they had a child, they must have had a conversation regarding a long term commitment and a reaffirming of their intentions to be together.

OP - reconcile and stay together for the sake of your child. Poor thing.

What clap trap. What if one of the people in the relationship is abusive? Or drinks etc? What if they tried everything already and this is the only option left?

Who are you to judge without all the facts? I know we have to be nice to newbies but nothing here has been remotely helpful to the OP.

On that note OP - I hope it works out. The main thing (IMHO) is to sit down together with your child and explain it really isn't their fault. They need to know it is nothing they've done and you need to ensure you are still joined up on things like discipline, bedtimes etc etc. You still need to work together for your child even if you aren't together so get something sorted by way of access and maintainence.

pelirocco

fivetide wrote: »

What clap trap. What if one of the people in the relationship is abusive? Or drinks etc? What if they tried everything already and this is the only option left?

Who are you to judge without all the facts? I know we have to be nice to newbies but nothing here has been remotely helpful to the OP.

On that note OP - I hope it works out. The main thing (IMHO) is to sit down together with your child and explain it really isn't their fault. They need to know it is nothing they've done and you need to ensure you are still joined up on things like discipline, bedtimes etc etc. You still need to work together for your child even if you aren't together so get something sorted by way of access and maintainence.

the op just says they want different things out of life or words to that effect ....dont we all !!

I agree with the poster you have just blasted , too many people walk away far too easily imoh

victory

geerex wrote: »

You have a child together, you stay together. End of. Too many broken families in this country, and too many affected individuals as a result.

I'm sorry, but I refuse to believe that a relationship can break down so irrevocably in 4 years that the best thing to do is to split up. 4 years is nothing, they had a child, they must have had a conversation regarding a long term commitment and a reaffirming of their intentions to be together.

OP - reconcile and stay together for the sake of your child. Poor thing.

It really is not that easy all the time, we have not got every fact infornt of us, just a few paragraphs of a relationship, we cannot judge from that whether it would be better to stay together, what if they row constantly infront of the child? What if they cannot be with each other without bringing out the worst in each other?

pelirocco

xXMessedUpXx wrote: »

I really don't think it's always that straight forward, people can change and not be the person they were when you married them and sometimes there is no coming back from that. And staying together for the kids can cause just as muh damage if not more at times

People do change , ive been married over 30 years , ive changed my oh has changed , but thats not a bad thing , weve been through so challenging times , but now the kids have grown we are reaping the rewards , narriage is an investment , you get out what you put in, its never going to be perfect

victory

pelirocco wrote: »

People do change , ive been married over 30 years , ive changed my oh has changed , but thats not a bad thing , weve been through so challenging times , but now the kids have grown we are reaping the rewards , narriage is an investment , you get out what you put in, its never going to be perfect

That is true, people change, they develop, grow up, the trick is to grown up together, to still love each other and want the same things, to have respect and understanding, love and compromise,have the same hopes and dreams, outlook, sometimes despite the challenging times it is impossible to be with someone that wants different things or you have fallen out of love with or you believe does not hold the same beliefs as you etc

savingmummy

I would wait until you know for sure he wont be moving back in.

If you know for 100% then you will just need to be honest and tell her, make it clear she will still see Daddy and you are still best friends.

Our school always ask that we update them with anything even pets dying etc as children can be effected in different ways and if they notice a change they will not understand why.