What's the best way to tell a 4 yr old you n partner r splitting up

angeleyes

Hi
Me n hubs are having a trail separation, we hav a daughter aged 4 and need some advice on best way to tell her
Hubs moved out to hs mums at my request friday cos after 17 yrs together we both want different things out of our relationship, tried in the past numerous times to talk n deal with it, we feel like brother n sister, I think this is going to be a permant thing, although very painful I think it will be harder n more painful n bitter on all all of us if we drift along unhappy and daughter is older and I want us to remain as friends n in each others lives
No one else is involved on either side
Daughter hasn't clicked on yet cos he works long hrs at irregular times, n we said yesterday she and daddy we're having a sleep over at her nans last night
She's bk at school tomorrow do I mention it to her teacher ??
Thanks in advance

BitterAndTwisted

Tell her the truth with absolutely no emotional components whatsoever. Daddy's sleeping in a different house right now, that's all.

I don't think there's any need to tell her teacher until and unless she appears to be unhappy with the new arrangement.

That's assuming that your daughter will be seeing just as much of her father as she has been in the past.

All of this change is probably having a huge emotional impact on you, but that does not have to be the case for your daughter.

[Deleted User]

Hi,

tell the kid that daddy doesn't love you anymore, but he still loves her and always will.

If you are going to write her a note use proper words, not abbreviations, you want the kid to be smart in later years.

littleredhen

When my ex and I had a separation I told kids their dad was working, mine were 10 and 13, it became apparent within two weeks there was no way back so told them we were separating.. If you can wait even though you are sure, I think it would be better but then be matter of fact about it if you can.

PlymouthMaid

I think you should sit her down together in explain in language she will understand that sometimes Mummies and Daddies need to live apart to be happy. Make sure she knows it is not her fault and that you both love her as children tend to think it is something they have done. Let her know that she will still see her Daddy and explain to her how that will happen. I don't think you should say that one of you no longer loves the other as, firstly, that starts the blame game but also she may then worry that you can fall out of love with her.

geerex

That's just tragic. Poor child.

anotheruser

^ To stop the blame game, you could say "we don't love each other any more".
It's the truth.

OP: Maybe look into how people told children they were adopted. While completely different, it may hold some ideas.

cavework

She is 4 ..Daddy has moved in with Granny for a bit, just let her Daddy see her as often as possible and never , ever argue in front of her.
As for school?
Not yet

delain

Definitely tell the teacher, they can be aware of what is going on and help her deal with any problems the girl may have. It's always best to let school know, IMO.

As for talking to her, that's a trick one. I think saying that you don't love each other any more but still love her very much and are still friends is probably the way forward.

iammumtoone

My son was around that age when me and his father split up. I told him the truth in words he understood if he asked questions I was truthful and didn't lie. I can't remember exactly how I put it but said that me and daddy would not be living together anymore but it was not his fault and that he could see his daddy whenever he liked and me and daddy both loved him very much.

I brought a couple of story books (see amazon there are lots for this age group) and read them to him. He loves books so think that help him a bit.

I told the school, I think you should they need to know to watch for any behaviour changes that you might need to know about.

iammumtoone

geerex wrote: »

That's just tragic. Poor child.

That is not helpful. Yes it is tragic but the OP will know that, they do not need it pointed out to them! I am sure they do not want to be in this situation, they did not have a child for this to happen, nobody does but nobody knows what the future holds and all they can do is handle it the best they can. Asking for advise is a good way to do that please do not put people off asking for help, to help their child, by posting unnecessary comments.