I Appreciate the thought, but...

savingmummy

Mine get a small gift or a book once a month off their grandparents BUT they only see them once a month.
My parents see them every weekend and give sweets/icecream or chocolate even the odd £1 for their piggy bank.

I made rules that toys would be for Christmas and birthdays only, and so far its always been that way.

I think asking her to keep some at her house would then tell her in a subtle way - we/he has enough so please stop buying so much!

ska_lover

Fredula wrote: »

Do you recommend broaching the issue with mother in law? If so, do you have any suggestions of how to go about it?

Difficult one, this. Years ago when my children were very small,I often felt that certain family members went OTT on presents - even buying outside toys when we had no garden.

I found it impossible to stop them.

whodathunkit

Fredula wrote: »

Yeah it just feels like we are a bit over run with it all. She's not short of toys at her house, they have a massive bucket in their living room and then things by the side of the bucket (work bench, building blocks) and in the study/toy room he's got loads of cuddly toys, a massive train set which takes up practically the entire floor, a box full of cars, a box of duplo, trains, etc not to mention his cosy coupe which he uses indoors over hers.

I'd feel a bit mean bagging all the stuff she's bought him up and sending it over with him, because that sounds a bit ungrateful. I think I will either talk to her myself (although in the past that hasn't gone very well - I didn't used to like her giving him sugary drinks all the time and apparently when I said something I upset her so now I let her carry on and do what she wants because she's doing us a favour and I can't get the tact right) or get OH to have a word. I think he thinks I'm being a bit funny about it though. I just don't want him to become spoilt expecting things all the time.

It would be easier if he was a bit older because we could adopt a 'one toy in one toy out' policy, and then he might pipe up and say to Nanny 'but Mummy makes me get rid of a toy every time you buy me something new' and feel a bit sad about it, but he's way too young to care if I got rid of some of his toys.

There's your solution in a nutshell - get rid of some of them!

fiscalfreckles

Fredula wrote: »

Yeah it just feels like we are a bit over run with it all. She's not short of toys at her house, they have a massive bucket in their living room and then things by the side of the bucket (work bench, building blocks) and in the study/toy room he's got loads of cuddly toys, a massive train set which takes up practically the entire floor, a box full of cars, a box of duplo, trains, etc not to mention his cosy coupe which he uses indoors over hers.

I'd feel a bit mean bagging all the stuff she's bought him up and sending it over with him, because that sounds a bit ungrateful. I think I will either talk to her myself (although in the past that hasn't gone very well - I didn't used to like her giving him sugary drinks all the time and apparently when I said something I upset her so now I let her carry on and do what she wants because she's doing us a favour and I can't get the tact right) or get OH to have a word. I think he thinks I'm being a bit funny about it though. I just don't want him to become spoilt expecting things all the time.

It would be easier if he was a bit older because we could adopt a 'one toy in one toy out' policy, and then he might pipe up and say to Nanny 'but Mummy makes me get rid of a toy every time you buy me something new' and feel a bit sad about it, but he's way too young to care if I got rid of some of his toys.

Its very hard, isn't it, with some people?

I had a similar drinks "discussion" with my Mother in law about giving my little ones squash at her house, as I preferred them to have diluted juice or water because of the sugars or replacement sweeteners in squash. She adopted a "how can a young girl like you possibly know more about bringing up children than me?!" attitude & just carried on. I made it clear I didn't like it, but, her house I suppose.
Years later she presented me with an article she had found about the dangers of aspartame in foods, and told me I really shouldn't have been giving to my kids all that time! She of course, is never wrong.
But it wasn't worth falling out massively over. I think there has been some good advice in this thread & I hope you can come to an arrangement that suits you both. Good Luck.

victory

Fredula wrote: »

Yeah it just feels like we are a bit over run with it all. She's not short of toys at her house, they have a massive bucket in their living room and then things by the side of the bucket (work bench, building blocks) and in the study/toy room he's got loads of cuddly toys, a massive train set which takes up practically the entire floor, a box full of cars, a box of duplo, trains, etc not to mention his cosy coupe which he uses indoors over hers.

I'd feel a bit mean bagging all the stuff she's bought him up and sending it over with him, because that sounds a bit ungrateful. I think I will either talk to her myself (although in the past that hasn't gone very well - I didn't used to like her giving him sugary drinks all the time and apparently when I said something I upset her so now I let her carry on and do what she wants because she's doing us a favour and I can't get the tact right) or get OH to have a word. I think he thinks I'm being a bit funny about it though. I just don't want him to become spoilt expecting things all the time.

It would be easier if he was a bit older because we could adopt a 'one toy in one toy out' policy, and then he might pipe up and say to Nanny 'but Mummy makes me get rid of a toy every time you buy me something new' and feel a bit sad about it, but he's way too young to care if I got rid of some of his toys.

If you cannot persuade MIL to put the money she feels she wants to spend into an account for the future of her GS then could you try to explain that there are far too many toys, not enough room and how about waiting a little while to buy toys when the GS gets a bit older? Say for a big thing like an outdoor garden swing? Not needed now but if the monies were saved then it could be bought when it is needed? Or a trampoline?

notanewuser

fiscalfreckles wrote: »

Its very hard, isn't it, with some people?

I had a similar drinks "discussion" with my Mother in law about giving my little ones squash at her house, as I preferred them to have diluted juice or water because of the sugars or replacement sweeteners in squash. She adopted a "how can a young girl like you possibly know more about bringing up children than me?!" attitude & just carried on. I made it clear I didn't like it, but, her house I suppose.
Years later she presented me with an article she had found about the dangers of aspartame in foods, and told me I really shouldn't have been giving to my kids all that time! She of course, is never wrong.
But it wasn't worth falling out massively over. I think there has been some good advice in this thread & I hope you can come to an arrangement that suits you both. Good Luck.

Bit off topic but the hoo-hah over aspartame is a load of codswollop. The 3 chemicals used to make it, which become phenylalanine when digested, are found naturally in other foods that your children probably ate all the time.

notanewuser

My DD has a memory like an elephant, and will remember toys she last saw a year or more ago, suddenly asking "where's my whatever-it-is" when you think it's long forgotten! She's been that way since about 18 months. I only ever get rid of toys (to the charity shop or to friends with younger children) with her so that she knows that've not just been taken away.

good_advice

Sounds like your MIL wants to be helpful and taking part in family life.
Does MIL knit or crochet? you could ask her to knit a jumper or crochet her grandchild a blanket.

I can see the difficulty. Gifts like summer sandles and t.shirts would be more useful.

Molly41

Just be grateful that she is so generous. As long as she is not getting into debt then she is doing what makes her happy. She really helps you out with childcare so it would be difficult to discuss.
Maybe she could not afford it for her own kids and is making it up to yours?

Fredula

I know, I feel so ungrateful even bringing it up because I feel like I should be grateful and appreciate it, but when it comes to the decision between charity-shopping the toys I've worked hard to save up and buy him or the toys she frivolously buys him, it's a difficult decision, because at some point, she's going to come round and ask where they are.

The reason she does it (according to hubby) is because they're 'on offer'. I think it's going to have to be him have the discussion with her - but I know he doesn't really see the issue with it so it will probably only be a half hearted attempt.