talk me down please

mellymoo74

Stomach is really upset with me.

Have rediscovered weak skunk anansie though so not all bad.

mellymoo74

Painting my nails
Time to start making an effort.

elsien

mellymoo74 wrote: »

Have rediscovered weak skunk anansie though so not all bad.

Had to google that one.
I do like the look of painted nails but I do daft things and spoil it within a day so I've given up now.

mellymoo74

Wrecked one hand all ready

Oh well

mellymoo74

Boo is being incredibly vocal today so I'm probably going to kill him.

Having to talk myself out of cize still.

Got asked last night if I want to gain weight, my answer was I need to. It was pointed out that isn't the same thing and my last weight was just double that of her 2 year old.

Savvy_Sue

mellymoo74 wrote: »

Got asked last night if I want to gain weight, my answer was I need to. It was pointed out that isn't the same thing and my last weight was just double that of her 2 year old.

I have been thinking about this, and you and the little I know of your situation, in a good way I hope. Ignore me if I am talking rubbish, but ...

It is true that 'needing' to gain weight won't be enough. But I wonder if you and your OH could help each other to 'want' to change things / get better etc.

You see, sometimes things seem pretty desperate for you, at least from where I'm sitting, and if it weren't for the OH and the menagerie 'needing' you, I'm not sure what keeps you going. And if it's only because you're 'needed', do you really have any incentive to change - after all, you've managed until now, so you could just keep going, couldn't you? (No, I know you CAN'T just keep going, but you get what I'm saying?)

And maybe it's the same for your OH, he wants you to get better, and may realise that he needs to get better himself in order to help you get better, but ... that's a hugely scary thing for him, and after all, you've (plural) managed until now, so you could just keep going, couldn't you? (As above ...)

So I just wonder if it would help if the two of you - or just you if talking to him about this is a step too far ATM - thought about what 'wanting' to put on weight / get better would look like, and what the baby steps might be that would help you (singular or plural!) get there.

I hope that makes some kind of sense ...

mellymoo74

It did Sue

I am now in my able to increase food intake but other risky behaviour's take over stage so I had almost talked myself out of going.

I have never had the urge to kill myself so suicide wouldn't happen even without OH. I believe it's this bad this time as the strain of dealing with OH broke me. This is something I will never tell him.

Guess who woke me up at 1.40am? Yep it's back.

Some of my treatment involves family councilling and MIND recommended RELATE not because of trouble in the marriage but because it might help us get back to being lovers instead of carer and cared for.

I don't want to put weight on is the problem, I like being this weight, I know it will kill me but I like it. Eating disorders suck

mellymoo74

Rightime for an image change
New hair
Eyebrows done
Wear clothes and make up

Starting today with the removal of my blonde bits

Savvy_Sue

mellymoo74 wrote: »

I have never had the urge to kill myself so suicide wouldn't happen even without OH.

<snip>

I don't want to put weight on is the problem, I like being this weight, I know it will kill me but I like it. Eating disorders suck

It's a relief to hear the first, but you KNOW the second is true too, so in a way you've got to want to live more than you want to retain the control you get from being that weight. I have no answers, just pointing out what occurs to me ...

mellymoo74 wrote: »

Some of my treatment involves family councilling and MIND recommended RELATE not because of trouble in the marriage but because it might help us get back to being lovers instead of carer and cared for.

If you could cope with Relate, I have wondered whether it would be useful. Never suggested it because it didn't seem likely that you could get to it. However, it's worth saying that you don't HAVE to go as a couple, even one of you going alone might get help to see some baby steps you could take towards getting back to a loving rather than a caring / needing relationship.

BTW not saying there is no love in your relationship!

mellymoo74

It's true
The ed clinic is about teaching me that this isn't control at all.
The person in charge of my care said that because I have managed it for 36 years my prognosis is good.
Only concern is that I'm intelligent so know what I'm doing and why so gotta find a way that appeals to my intellect to stop me.

No when MIND suggested RELATE I got what she meant. Our relationship is now about my caring and keeping him alive doesn't leave a lot of space for a normal couple relationship.

I am crap at talking therapies
Read to much so tend to know what they are doing, they don't like that. Only had one session with someone who I was able to discuss it with properly, she was able to treat me like I would know what she was talking about (she asked if I thought I had attachment disorder, due to mother relationship and my being dumped till I was 2.5.) That worked.

Right operation image change (this is part of it, I reinvent myself when I get to this stage)