talk me down please

mellymoo74

He tried to get me to continue arguing by sending a couple of nasty messages.

I am ignoring

When he said he wouldn't go I told him he didn't have to and of course he isn't it's easier to blame me if he doesn't.

He does need to stop doing this, he needs to engage and get some help so he can see why he is doing it.

Yes he does sometimes acknowledge what he is doing, he's doing the learned behaviour ie be incredibly nasty to people so you hurt them first

I know I'm in with the furries lying down
I need him to stop doing this enough for me to have a word with myself and up the eating. See now I won't and I know I won't

pollyanna_26

Can't believe he's actually sending you messages in the same flat !
You are right about learned behaviour , fear of abandonment means alienating people before they leave you . You and I understand that one so well and it's a nightmare to deal with because whatever we say wont help those with that belief in their minds .
I think all I can say is keep not engaging in the arguments . Not good for you but concentrate on getting through the pip . That is the priority now . Meanwhile make an appointment for dr to review husband and his meds and also a seperate one for you to discuss the stress you're under for after the appeal .
I wish I could give you a real hug . You will be so anxious yourself which is something the other person seldom realises .
I would suggest soup if you could manage some - you can't run on fumes .
Love
polly x

Waves_and_Smiles

Big hugs Melly, and hugs for you too, Polly.

OH sounds very scared Melly, so he is lashing out. In no way does it make his behaviour acceptable but he sounds as if he feels he cannot trust anyone but you. As you have both been let down so many times by people who were supposed to help I can see where this came from. It is fine to refuse to engage with him when he is like this, there is never an excuse for anyone taking out their own pain on another person. Keep your boundaries and tell him you won't communicate with him when he acts this way and then of course be there for him when he is more reasonable.

Hang in there. I am crossing everything that the PIP appeal will be successful and then hopefully it will give OH a little lift that some things can go right as well as making things easier financially for both of you. Have another hug.

pollyanna_26

Hello WAS and thank you for the hug x How is Millefleur now ? I haven't seen the thread for a week or so . I hope WASP is now scab free and able to visit her !
Take care
polly x

mellymoo74

Managed to get him an appointment with the GP HE likes for the medication review for Monday evening
Didn't want to overload him but he needs a review they are not working.

wannabe_sybil

How can we help you to be kind to yourself?

Have you considered telling your OH that 'in sickness and in health' didn't cover you being used as his punchbag and him not trying to get better?

Have you considered that to save your life and to look after the furries you may need to leave - hopefully just long enough to make him wake up?

Please read these links. They may not apply, but I'm scared that they do.

http://www.issendai.com/psychology/sick-systems.html

http://www.issendai.com/psychology/sick-systems-whittling-yourself-away.html

Sending massive hugs.

wannabe_sybil

btw not saying any of the behaviour is deliberate - but it is happening and it is having an effect.

mellymoo74

Bloody lost my reply

He's talking about being on his own
I am not responding

I am finding it funny though as he can't even manage his nedication

Waves_and_Smiles

Are things any better, Melly? Thinking of you.

wannabe_sybil

Sending massive, massive hugs.