Did I overreact?

Bennifred

Yorkie1 wrote: »

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My niece had to be taken to A&E yesterday evening after a hot drink ended up on top of her. She was at my parents' house (i.e. the GPs) with her parents. The A&E consultant reassured them that very few children get through childhood without needing medical treatment for accidents, and that accidents happened. It was just that, an accident. Nobody to blame................................ .

Actually, I think a hot drink ending up on top of a child is NOT an accident, but carelessness on someone's part. It could have been avoided. Just my opinion, of course.

GracieP

I don't think you overreacted in the moment and if your grandparents had come back to you, saying they realise that they made the wrong decision. That they now see how their actions caused you more worry than the worry they tried to avoid you having, and they would never let it happen again, I would then relent and allow them to have unsupervised visits again.

But the fact that they don't see what they did was wrong and are complaining to other family members about how you are doing them wrong, would make me feel that my heat of the moment decision was the right one.

Saturnalia

Pollycat wrote: »

It sounds to me like they know they were in the wrong and just want to get other family members on their side by misrepresenting what the OP actually said to them.

I've wondered this from the first post. What's the first rule of propaganda? Get your version of events out first. The story the listener hears first is the one they are most likely to believe, plus it puts the other party on the back foot. And the grandparents have had time, while OP has been otherwise occupied, to get on the phone and tell everyone that the little one had an accident at their house and mum went berserk and said they can't see him again.

On the other hand, could it be the grandparents genuinely don't get what they did was wrong, or misunderstood the no unsupervised contact rule as no contact at all, or perhaps the first person they told the tale to misunderstood it and then broadcast it round the family? Weirder things have happened, and really the only way to sort this out is to talk it over.

Beckyy

I don't think you over reacted. They should have contacted you as soon as possible after the accident, and also to let you know they were going to be late.

I don't understand why they've got the wrong end of the stick and think they can't see your son again fullstop though?

Maybe sitting down and having another chat with them about it, making clear that you expect them to contact you straight away should something ever happen, and also if they're going to be running late. If they don't have a mobile phone(s) I would possibly buy them a cheapy one purely for your own peace of mind that they are contactable anywhere.

I think they would have learned their lesson though, and providing they promise to contact you in the future asap if anything like that were to happen again then I would consider allowing them to have your son for days again. It would be sad to cause a wedge between him and his grandparents time together providing they know what they did wrong.

anotheruser

Bennifred wrote: »

Actually, I think a hot drink ending up on top of a child is NOT an accident, but carelessness on someone's part. It could have been avoided. Just my opinion, of course.

So you are suggesting someone did it on purpose?
I don't think you get anything else, there's "on purpose" or "an accident".

Yes, someone was careless and it could have been avoided but if you're holding a cup of coffee and a child jumps up, then it's really the childs fault for jumping up. Will anyone point that out? NO - because it's a child.

GracieP wrote: »

...But the fact that [The Grandparents] don't see what they did was wrong...

Sorry, where did the OP say that exactly?

Of course the Grandparents (the OP's parents let's not forget) would talk to other family members about it, because the OP, while reacted as they thought appropriate at the time, they are obviously having doubts now because they have posted asking other people's opinions.

I guess it's like a credit card company saying because you made a late payment and didn't inform them it would be late, you can never have a credit card with them again - EVER.



It amazes me how many people think stopping un-supervised visits isn't an over-reaction...
No wonder there are so many broken families these days.

OP: You may have shattered their confidence at looking after any grandchild now. Maybe they no longer WANT to look after your son. How awful when they are supposed to be enjoying their senior years of life

Mojisola

Beckyy wrote: »

They should have contacted you as soon as possible after the accident, and also to let you know they were going to be late.

I find it hard to believe that anyone wouldn't understand that a parent would be frantic if a child went missing for four hours!

The grandparents would have to very blinkered not to realise they handled this very badly. They knew the child was safe - his mother didn't and all it needed was a phone call to let her know what was happening.

Bennifred

anotheruser wrote: »

So you are suggesting someone did it on purpose?
I don't think you get anything else, there's "on purpose" or "an accident".

Yes, someone was careless and it could have been avoided but if you're holding a cup of coffee and a child jumps up, then it's really the childs fault for jumping up. ..............

I disagree.

VitaK

I would invite them for dinner and try to calm the waters. I see nothing that a bit of reassurance and a second chance can't fix.

If they don't have a phone, I would consider getting them one and ask them not to leave the house without it in the future.