Did I overreact?

FBaby

I would have been furious. The reality is that they did not not contact you avoid you worrying, but because they were worried themselves. It was a very selfish thing to do and totally irresponsible. The idea of my baby crying his eyes out probably calling for me when all this happened and them not contacting me would have got me really angry.

I think you did the right thing. It doesn't have to be long term, but you ARE worried by their supposed choice of action to not worry you and as such, you need to gain trust in them again. I would have done the same.

GobbledyGook

I think you've overreacted, but completely understandably. I'd have probably done the same, but then in the end changed my mind once I calmed down and stopped feeling sick.

Being left to wonder where your child was for four hours would have been awful and it's not good they didn't think it through better.

However, I think they did it with the best of intentions and unless you have concerns that after knowing how you feel they'd do the same again I wouldn't stop them having him.

jjj1980

No OP, I don't think you have over-reacted at all!!

I would have said exactly the same as you and would be standing to my word. He's your child, will have wanted his mum and will have undoubtedly been very upset and unsettled. They were being very selfish IMO by not calling you.

Hope the little one is ok.

mummyroysof3

Think I would react the same tbh. In time you will hope fully be able to trust them again but make it clear it's not to happen again. Hope your child is ok btw x

paulineb_2

They were wrong, but telling them they can't have him again, well they miss out , so does your son. I agree, they won't be around forever, I lost a grandparent very suddenly 4 years ago, set some ground rules and try and sort things out with them. If you don't you might regret it.

Tiglath

I usually roll my eyes at overprotective parents but I can well understand your reaction to them not calling you. However if you set the ground rules in terms of what they should do in future, I wouldn't prevent them from having him again. Is this the first time in the past two years something like them not calling has happened?

milliemonster

What concerns me is that the hospital treated your son without your consent? As a nurse myself, I know that when a child is brought into hospital by anyone other than their legal guardian then consent must be obtained before treatment unless it is a life threatening situation which I am presuming this was not, so why when the hospital will have (or should have) asked where his parents were to be contacted, did your grandparents at that point not give them the information for you to be contacted, or contacted you themselves?

lilmissreading

Oh dear.

If we look at intentions, they were to get your son the treatment he needed and not worry you. The outcome was he got the treatment he needed and was returned to you. So far so good.

However, I can COMPLETELY understand why you were furious that they did not tell you. This is poor judgement on their part. I wonder if they were feeling panicked, guilty, afraid (perhaps of never seeing him again? or that they had hurt him worse than he was?) and confused.

You never know how you are going to react in a crisis and they didn't manage well in terms of sharing with you. Maybe it was one of those panic situations where they were so focused on getting him to hospital that they forgot for a bit to call. Maybe they couldn't co-ordinate themselves to get him to hospital and call you. Maybe they kept thinking we'll wait until we know something to tell her, we don't want her to drive here in a panic and have an accident on the way. Having been to A&E with siblings I remember everything always takes longer than I expect and maybe they kept thinking they were nearly done. Maybe they lost track of time in the panic and when they realised thought it would be worse to call now. Maybe they kept thinking they would call you after seeing the doctor/having the stitches/the nurse etc and time just kept marching on until they thought it was too late. Maybe they couldn't agree on who would leave him and go make the call. Maybe your son didn't want one of them to leave. Maybe they forgot to take their phones and couldn't remember your number/have change for the call phone/find a call phone?

Personally, I think it would be a real shame to lose this relationship, for your son's sake as well. I imagine that if you can have a conversation with them about how worried you were and help them to understand that you are not cross about the accident, just about not knowing, that this can be cleared up quickly. Watch out for the fact the rest of the family seem to be siding with them - might unintentionally entrench you further in your own viewpoint.

They sound ultimately caring, trustworthy people who did the right thing in the wrong way.

Hope you can resolve this for everyone's sake.

PuzzledDave

They clearly got this wrong, they treated you like a child - "Let's not worry the poor dear" - rather than a parent who now has a missing child of their own.

Over react ? IMHO - no. Your young child had a head injury that needed urgent hospital treatment, there is no excuse at all for you to have not been informed.

However, in the cold light of dawn, maybe you could reconsider over time. I would be extraordinarily wary of letting them have unsupervised contact for a while after such an incident until at the very least you are sure they understand you are no longer the child, you are now the parent.

ecgirl07

How old are your grandparents? Do they have a mobile phone? Maybe once they got to the hospital they didn't have contact numbers?

This type of thing happens once. It has happened, if it happens again they will phone you.

You are right to be angry in the moment, but going forward it wont happen again. Have a chat with them, buy them a cheap pay as you go phone (if they dont have mobiles) to contact you with if there is an issue. Life and family time can be too short to loose it to one incident that wont happen again.