Did I overreact?

Mondler

I have a 3 year old son. When he turned one my grandparents asked if they could mind him one day per week, and do grandparent stuff with him such as take him to the park etc. I was fine with this and it has been that way ever since.

My grandparents always brought him home at 5pm, so I had enough time to give him his bath etc and he has always had a routine for bedtime etc.

They had him 2 days ago, 5pm came and went, 5.30pm, 6pm. I called their house as I thought they must be running late, no answer. When it got to 7pm with no word and still no answer to their phone I started to worry thinking they may have been in a road accident or something.

I went to their house and their car was not there so I went back home to wait just in case I missed them, no sign of them and by this time it was almost 9pm.

I then saw their car pull up outside my house, my nan got my son out of his car seat and carried him to the house, my grandad pulled me aside to tell me there was an accident at their house, my son was playing in the back garden with my grandad and he fell and hit his head on concrete, they took him to the hospital, he got stitches in his head.

I asked why they didnt let me know what had happened so I could have been there at the hospital with him, why didnt they call me from there etc and he said they didnt think to call me because they didnt want to worry me.

To cut a long story short I ended up telling my grandparents it would be for the best if they didnt have him anymore, that if they wanted to see him I would bring him to their house, I explained that I wasnt mad about the accident because accidents happen, its the fact that they didnt let me know what happened so I could be there, the fact that they couldnt make a quick two second phone call to at least let me know they were at the hospital, the fact that I waited around for hours not knowing where they were etc.

They took it the wrong way, and of course think they can never see him again, my family are giving me a hard time saying to give them a break as it wasnt their fault and that I am overreacting.

Just wanted to know if I am overreacting?

globalds

I think you handled it pretty poorly.

You should have talked before issuing orders.

You are well within your rights to say what you said ..

But if you said it to me I would feel pretty hurt.

They looked after your son as if he was ...well , as if he was their grandson ..you couldn't really ask for more than that.

Seems, in my opinion,you owe them an apology....... and take a cake around ..ask them to make tea and have a good talk.

This could be something you laugh about in 10 years ...or something that ruins the next 10 ..up to you .

momoney11

No I dont think you over reacted at all. Its not the accident that is the problem it's the fact you were out of your mind with worry and you were not informed he was at hospital, that imo is not on.

Once 5pm went they must of known you would be worried surely? And not even a message, nope id be as annoyed you are.

If anyone needs to say sorry it's them!

JIL

No I think you have every right to be cross. I am shocked that no one called you. They will have been rightly concerned that your son needed to get to hospital. That should have been their number one priority. No2 should have been to phone you.
You were left worrying for four hours. That's not right. I am sure your son would have wanted you there.
Not sure if in hindsight you made the right call that they could not have him again. Maybe you need to revisit that one. Maybe they deserve a second chance. That's a hard decision. But it would require some strongly worded ground rules.
Wishing you the best.

*max*

Of course the accident wasn't their fault, but they acted very, very poorly towards you on that day. You must have been out of your mind with worry, and they didn't even think to phone you to let you know. Ok, maybe they were stressed themselves and maybe they're of a generation who doesn't think of mobile phones?

I think you were very entitled to react the way you did. You sound like you were very reasonable actually! Its just that maybe you said they couldn't have him anymore on the spur of the moment, and they understood it to mean they couldn't see him anymore?

You should have a talk with them, explain how you felt. And make sure you let them know that it doesn't mean they won't see him again, of course. They must be racked with guilt too.

pablakeman

I think you should/will change your mind, but no you didn't overreact

double_mummy

nope i would have been exactly the same and i would not be leaving my child with them again

if anyone took my child to the hospital without informing me at any point i would be livid. yes accidents do happen all the time but not letting you know is completely unreasonable on their part

tesuhoha

I think you are right to feel the way you do. Your grandparents said they didn't want to worry you but what did they think you were doing from 5-9pm. You were worried sick.

Its also very wrong that as the child's parent you were kept unaware that he had an accident. To have people looking after him who think of you as such a low priority would be a worry.

Anatidaephobia

I don't think you've overreacted to what happened... it's completely unacceptable for them not to call you and tell you where they were and what was happening. Saying they didn't want to worry you is a poor excuse as they must've realised you would be wondering where they were.

However, telling them they can't have him anymore seems unnecessary and I can understand why they would be upset by that. I would've thought that a discussion about it - explaining to them how upset you were and how it was completely out of order for them to have not called you - would've been sufficient.

duchy

Oh my goodness
I think you need to to go around have have a proper talk with them once everyone has calmed down as it was pretty stressful for all of you - but not leave it too long and explain that as his mother they should have let you know as
1 If your son had turned out to need any more treatment than he did your permission would have been needed
2 As they had vanished - of course you were worried both for them and your son and for them to have your son again you need their absolute 100% assurance that they WILL worry you and contact you. That you understood they meant well but you never want to go through 4 hours of not knowing where your child is.

3 Explain you were angry and upset as you had played every scenario in your head and of course if they will agree to number 2 of course they can continue to look after him (but if they won't agree to it then they can't is the unspoken subtext of course)

I can quite see how if they brushed your worry away as unimportant and didn't acknowledge that they should have contacted you why you reacted that way. I'd have being absolutely furious and felt I needed to make a stand to make sure they realized what a stupid and cruel thing it was to do -and to ensure they never "didn't want to worry you" ever again .

Yes they meant well -no matter how misplaced -and acknowledging that will help the situation.

Big_Tree

Your Grandparents won't be around forever......you'll regret this terribly for many years when they're gone, mark my words.