When is the best time to start a family?

Vikipollard

I was born in the mid-60's, the product of 'older' parents - Mum 38 and Dad 52. That made my childhood somewhat different as they were more like my peers' grandparents, by the time I was about 10 and aware of age per se.


I got married at 22 to a guy I'd been with since 15. We'd bought a house when I was 19 and moved in together when I was 21. He was 4 years older than me. I always knew I didn't want to be an older parent, but without intending to I fell pregnant 6 months after marrying and had bubba at 24. Five months after giving birth, fell pregnant again, so second child born at 25.


Never regretted having my kids mid-twenties - even though neither of them were planned for when they came! We were the first of our social group to do so, which was a bit hard to start with as they all still went out and we couldn't as often.


Mine are now independent and I can plan for the future for what I want it to be.


As others have said, there's no such thing as the right time. Provided you have a stable home and are financially able to cope, whenever you're happy for it to happen is fine.

sulphate

There is a list as long as your arm of the things you absolutely must have before you have kids. You must be earning a certain amount of money, be in the perfect career "for you", been with your partner a certain amount of time and definitely be married because married couples are the only ones who have a stable relationship fit to raise a family in. You must also own your own own home, because it's impossible to have a happy family if you rent and kids need a stable home. You should be between the ages of 25-35 because if you are under 25 then you haven't had much of a life and will forever resent your kids, and if you are over 35 then your children will definitely have downs syndrome plus you'd be 53 when your first kid is 18 and that's just wrong.

Obviously everyone who meets all this criteria will be in the perfect position to have children, will never ever split up from their partner, will never run into financial difficulties nor decide to have a career change, won't ever be faced with any fertility problems, and everyone will live happily ever after.

Fredula

I don't think there's ever a right time. There's always an excuse. Unless of course you pay your rent/mortgage and have a lot of money left over and life is getting a bit samey so a having a baby would mix it up and enrich your life.

I had an unplanned baby when I was 21 - living with parents so hubby moved in with us. It's not ideal but we're muddling through. I would have loved to have been in a better position but I wouldn't change my little accident for the world now he's here. I love him to bits and life without him was so much more boring.

dizzyblonde82

I was told at 18 that I would be unable to conceive but as I was young I wasn't really thinking about starting a family. I met my husband at 19 and then at 23 I found out I was pregnant.

My son is now 8 and we couldn't imagine life without him. Both myself and my husband would have liked another child but our son is autistic and needs lots of extra help.

I personally don't think there is a right or wrong time to have a child as there will always be some reason why now isn't the right time. I know people put their career first but I am 31 now and still have over 30 years to work so plenty of time for a career lol!

BritAbroad

For me, 'never' is the right time!

It really annoys me when people assume (as a couple of our relatives did) that when you marry a baby will soon follow. I got married relatively young, happy in the knowledge that children were not part of the plan. Many years down the line, we've never wavered or regretted the decision.

x_missymoo_x

As many others have said, I think there will always be reasons to say it's never the right time, the biggest probably being money!


With my partner (now husband), we decided we wanted to be married own our own home and both be in stable jobs. Now these are ticked off, we have started trying for our first baby


In an ideal world we would have savings in place ready for a dip in income when the time comes, but you never know what is around the corner and everything can change in an instant. If we waited until we could afford it - and exactly how much is enough?? - we would be old and grey and not be able to conceive


We've been together over 12 years, whilst other couples I know have been together months. Only you as a couple know the answer.


Also, try not to be pressured by others either... As soon as DH and I bought our house, we were asked on a daily basis when we would be having a baby! We brushed them off, not telling them that we were already trying I think they assumed we would never have kidsas we've been together so long, so I can't wait til the time comes when we can share some good news!

DFlights

It was never for me, too. Children have never featured in my plans and I made sure that there was no danger of any unexpected pregnancies, and thankfully, I'm at an age now where the questions are starting to dry up (I'm 39 in May). Never had a maternal bone in my body, no biological urges, and no real fondness for kids. I didn't even babysit when I was younger!

In-laws (well, sort-of in-laws, we're not married), kept a bit of pressure up as OH is an only child who also doesn't want kids, but in the end they had to face the fact that neither of us would ever produce the desired grandchildren (he's got a son anyway, product of a previous relationship). Now they just don't even ask, even though our lack of child-loving attitude still bothers them.

cgk1

BritAbroad wrote: »

For me, 'never' is the right time!

It really annoys me when people assume (as a couple of our relatives did) that when you marry a baby will soon follow. I got married relatively young, happy in the knowledge that children were not part of the plan. Many years down the line, we've never wavered or regretted the decision.

Same here, oddly when asked "when are you having children?" the answer of "never" is seen as rude - well you asked!

sacha28

This is such a personal thing to each individual. I was 29 when I had my amazing LB and then 'felt' like the right time although it wasn't perfect.

I had a terrible upbringing so, until I met my current partner, didn't want children. I was terrified that I would end up like my mother with a child who was emotionally destroyed and detested me!!! I was also in a terrible relationship from 16 until I met my partner at 27 and it would've been disaterous if a child had been born in that relationship.

We weren't, by any means, as financially stable as we would've liked but I think that my boy wouldn't be here if we waited for that to happen!!

My point, I guess, is that (for us) the right time was when we felt stable enough as a couple and I had rid myself of my demons and was emotionally and mentally ready to take that step (energy wise, tho, I really wish I had had him 10 years earlier as I certainly don't have the stamina I used to lol!!)

shoe_gal_84

I'm not sure there's a perfect time to start a family, but for us, we were kind of able to plan when was 'best' for us.
We had been together for 5 years and married for one and a half. We have a stable home with affordable bills and mortgage and both have secure jobs. Hubby is 36 and I'm 29 and neither of us have any debt - we both have savings as well.
I am now 8 months pregnant and, yes, I often think that we could be MORE financially stable, but then I don't think we'd ever have children if we'd planned it that way.