When is the best time to start a family?

ciderwithrosie_2

I had my 3 between 25 and 30. Just my personal feeling but I didn't want to be an older mum. I had plenty of energy to run round after them and survive on little sleep. We never had any money anyway so never worried about managing on one income etc. I went back to work when the youngest was 4 and I was young enough still to retrain and get back into my career. In my 40s I could resume my social life without having to worry about babysitters.

Quite a few people I was at school/college with still have fairly young children and it must be really hard work at nearly 50!

DKLS

For me apparently it was in a previous life, we went to a party and part of the entrainment was a hippy past life practitioner, who informed me I had loads of kids, good job really as I aint bothering in this life.

Mrs_Soup

I didn't have mine until my 40s because I didn't meet my husband until I was 36. This was not ideal and I would have preferred mid 30s given completely free choice and available dad.

[Deleted User]

We found that after a drunken Xmas party was a decent time to do it!

Basically, when you can offer stability of family life and you feel like it

themull1

Mine was after a drunken christmas party too!! I was 29, planned the second one at 33.

Soleil_lune

I think it's a 'how long is a piece of string' kind of situation. There is not an ideal age or time, as people, and their lives, and situations differ so much, and there is that age-old saying 'if you wait until you can afford kids, you'll never have them.'

However, I would certainly say that it's best to wait til you are relatively solvent, in a stable relationship, have a job, and have your own place. I know that any of the above can be taken/disappear at any point, but why anyone would choose to have a child when they don't have at least three of the above, is beyond me.

I would say a good age is 28-31, as when you hit mid 30s, your fertility starts to wane quite quickly, and if you're too young, you have had no life, and once you have kids, your life is never your own again. Like it or not (and admit it or not,) your life changes immeasurably when you have children, and you and your life choices will never be number one again.

And it's not just for the first 18 years, as some people think; you never stop being a parent. And if you're female, your life and everything in it, will change much more than the man's life, as it's the woman ends up doing most of the childcare. (Let's not kid ourselves, women do almost everything. I work with a guy who said he couldn't go out Friday night as he had to babysit his daughter Leanne. Who the eff babysits their OWN CHILD?)

Anyway, I digress; if you have them older, you have had a life, and probably travelled and had all the fun and freedom you want, but you run the risk of not being able to have them (or only having one,) as you have left it too late. I mean, who wants to go through IVF? And who wants to be having kids in their mid to late 40s and older?!

BUT if you have them young, (like teens,) you are committing yourself to a life of drudgery during the years you should be having fun/ partying/ clubbing/ building a career/ going on holiday with mates etc..., and you are tied down with not being able to have the kind of fun a teen should be having. However, you will then be relatively free of commitment by mid to late 30s (depending when you have your last,) and will be a young, healthy grandparent only in your 40s maybe. And your kids/ grandkids will more than likely have the benefit of having their parents/ grandparents around for a long time. Maybe even to when they're great-grandparents.

So it really does depend on what you want out of life.

penguin83

I don't think there is a right time. We had our first when I was 18. That definitely wasn't the right time! However, it was by no means a disaster. I had to give up university plans at the time and get a 'proper' job so that we could buy a house. We bought our house when I was 21 and about to give birth to our second. I built up my career and it lead to my degree which I completed 3 days after turning 30. I had my third child when I was 29. I wouldn't advise anyone to have children so young just because it makes life so much harder than it needs to be but with hard work and dedication you can be a young parent and forge a career, house and education. Having my third at 29 was so easy compared to the first two. I would like number 4 when I about 33 all being well x

FatVonD

Ideally I think you should have established some kind of career and be able to support any children you bring into the world but it's unfortunate that mother nature smiles more kindly on those physically in the best position to have kids and not financially so don't spend too long doing that!

neverdespairgirl

My mother reckons if we all waited for the perfect time to have a baby, the human race would die out.

Obviously, it's important to think about paying the bills, housing, feeding and clothing the family, and perhaps most of all, being in a stable and secure emotional environment, but perfection in all these things isn't likely.

OH and I had our first when I was 27, and our second is due in 3 weeks time, when I'll be 36. (He's a year younger than I am). The gap wouldn't be everyone's choice, but it's worked well for us and we're happy with it.

We didn't own our own home when son #1 was born, but we had finished our education, started careers, had some money put aside, and felt secure in our relationship together, so it wasn't too early for us. We'd travelled, both separately and together, and didn't feel we were missing out on being young, free and single.

System

I'm 27 and can't see it happening anytime soon, I live in a rented shared house, work part time, and my bf lives in another city so I don't think now would be a good time :eek: I think if want to be more settled first though I am aware I'm not getting any younger but it would be a bad idea for me to rush into it just because of that.

I think it's different for everyone. I've know people who had kids young (18/19) and people who had them in their mid 30's (my mum had my three siblings between 32-36, she didn't meet my stepdad till she was 28/29)