I love my mum, but...

peachyprice

pops5588 wrote: »

It is a wonderfully generous for my grandmother to do, I haven't said otherwise.



I haven't said it's awful! But in reality when I saw the skirt I did love the pattern and the colours but in my head I go through my usual process of "it is lovely, but how often would I really wear it? Probably not much, I certainly wouldn't be able to get £65 worth of wear out of it, nah it's not for me" Obviously I don't verbalise every single thought that goes on in my head so I just said I couldn't afford to spend £65 on a skirt, which is true. If I had known that my mum had decided it was the one and only skirt for me and I had to have it, I would of course been much more vocal, but I can't assist in preventing a situation if I don't know the situation exists. I wasn't expecting money for anything, let alone a specific skirt.



With all due respect you don't know our relationship, and I really wish you would check my posts before saying something like that. I have never said it's controlling behaviour, other posters have but I haven't. I don't believe the sentiment behind it came from a bad, negative place.



I was always honest, I certainly can't afford the skirt. If I had known that this was going to happen, I would certainly have expanded on my honesty and said that even if I did have the money I don't think I would buy it even though I liked it. But I wasn't asked if I would like the money for the skirt, and if my mum had put the idea out there I would have said no. But this wasn't done.

Yes, to be fair, it was actually other people's responses to that effect, that you didn't actually refute until now, that prompted my reply.

But, if you really did appreciate the gift, and you really did have a lovely relationship with your mother and you really did not feel that the gift was only your mother being pushy, you wouldn't be posting here posing this as a problem.

Georgiegirl256

theoretica wrote: »

I wonder how different this thread would be if the skirt had arrived in wrapping paper, or a gift voucher for the shop in question?

Very true.

Just realised I misread the OP wrong (I was tired and it was late!), I thought she'd put that she liked she skirt but it 'wasn't really her thing' wearas she's actually put that it 'is her thing', if it was something I really loved, and someone gave me the money that enabled me to buy it, then I'd be chuffed! So, in that case, I can't really see what the problem is? Yes the money is earmarked for the skirt, therefore they are stipulating that's what you buy with it, but, if you really really like it then what's the problem?

If it's just about the tattoo, then sorry, but you are a grown woman and it's your body, you should be able to tell your Mum about it. When I got mine done, I showed my Mam & Dad straight away, they're not fans either, but there was no way I was not wearing strappy tops when it was warm just so I could hide it. :cool:

Lioness_Twinkletoes

Why are you making such a big deal out of this? Tell her, on Monday, that actually you've decided the skirt is not for you. Then go and shop for something that is.

It really is that simple.

pinkshoes

Confess to the tattoo, then tell your mum an identical one on her would look fabulous, so you'd love to spend the money on a tattoo for her instead!

desert_rose

Time to act like a grown up and appreciate the gesture for what it is rather than get in a tizzy about it.

Tell them you don't want the skirt and offer to return the money. They'll probably say 'never mind', and " buy something else".

Simples.

January20

OP my advice would be ignore all the posters who are telling you to lie to your mother. When you go shopping with her next, be frank with her and tactful and explain why you don't want to buy the skirt. In doing so, you will set a positive precedent, especially if you have as good a relationship with your mother as you say you have. I have to admit that you comment #14 about "a short term dispute" makes me questions how good your relationship really is (can't help thinking about my relationship with my own dd who is 21 and how different my reaction would be in the same situation ie there would be no dispute)

If the reason that you don't want to accept the skirt is because you don't really like it or want it, that is fine. Just say so! However, if you really like it and you have now been gifted it (in a way) and your only reason for not buying it is that you don't think you will wear it often, then perhaps think again. I have pieces of clothing in my wardrobe that I bought 15+ years ago and I may not wear often but I still wear them. Could this skirt be such an item?

mrcow

I think it's lovely that your Gran wants to buy you the skirt.

You said yourself you'd never buy it for yourself. She was obviously talking to your mum and thought it would be a good gift for you.

Why are you making this up to be something more sinister? It's a lovely thought.


If you see something you prefer when you're there, get that instead and tell your gran.

You're an adult. You're allowed to behave like one now!

honeybean

My daughter is 24 and with her partner and in my eyes she will always be my baby no matter what age. But I do not. Impose my will on her as I know she is a I dependant and strong women. Me personally I would want honesty if it meant I felt a little hurt for a bit so be it. My daughter does not tell me what to buy with my money why should I do it to her. You may be surprised at your mums reaction good luck x

daisiegg

I thought in the OP she says her mum does know about the tattoo.

paulineb_2

I wouldnt be buying the skirt if you arent comfortable wearing it in work because your tattoo would be visible. If you arent going to get the wear out of it, dont buy it and if you dont want to buy it, dont be pushed into buying it just because your gran has given you money.

You can return the money, ask if you can buy something else, but your mum really shouldnt have interfered, I can understand why you feel a bit reluctant about the whole issue. £100 to buy yourself a gift is a lovely gesture, but it should have no strings attached, you buy what you want to buy with it.