I love my mum, but...

KxMx

I'm sure my Mum and my Nan still see me as the baby of the family... but they treat me not as the baby of the family but as a 27 year old woman

marisco_2

Artytarty wrote: »

It is their perception I am talking about, not what you achieved.

Why would any parent want to regard their 24 year old daughter as a babe? Attachment parenting, very unhealthy to my mind.

pops5588

Thanks for the replies everyone. You all have valid points which I really appreciate.

I know something like this would cause a short-term dispute which I am loathe to initiate. But I do think I probably need to say something. I just would rather not have the money if I'm going to be told how it "should" be spent. I'm still happy to take her out for lunch and make a day of it in town with her but I don't really want to go through the process of trying on the skirt, umming and ahhing over the skirt and rejecting it.

It's just tricky because I have always been more prepared to slot into the "sweet granddaughter" role for my Mama who was the one who wrote the cheque but the motivation behind the money came from my Mum who I am less prepared to allow this from! Probably just me being tricky. I will be honest but hopefully in a tactful way as someone above suggested. Dreading it... anyway, already spent some of it on some lillies and chocolate for mama for Easter! Oops...

lostinrates

Artytarty wrote: »

No, I'm not kidding. It makes no difference what you have done.
It is their perception I am talking about, not what you achieved.

marisco wrote: »

Why would any parent want to regard their 24 year old daughter as a babe? Attachment parenting, very unhealthy to my mind.

Dh's father kept referring to us as 'the children' when we were preparing to get married at that age. DH had lived away from home with his sibling from early teens, travelled world, lived in a different continent from her father......it wasn't 'attachment parenting' its just....concern.

( still didn't go down well with us at the time....I suppose we were 'children' in someways about it! )

Georgiegirl256

KxMx wrote: »

I'm gobsmacked some posters are advocating pandering to her to such an extent that you will attend the fitting!

Me too. I feel that the OP should just be honest with her.

Me and my Mam have totally different tastes, and usually, if I like something then she doesn't, and vice versa, and if this is the case,we just tell each other that "that is blooming (or words to that effect!) horrible", or "that is not my cup of tea at all".

People have different tastes all the time, that's what makes us individuals, so although it's a lovely thing for your gran to do, personally I would just cut out the dilly dallying, and tell her straight that it's not really your kind of thing but that you do appreciate the thought non the less.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

You love the skirt.

You'd never spend that much on yourself.


Why not buy it and wear it when you deliver the chocolates and flowers?

sooty&sweep

How does your mum & Grandma normally treat you ? Are they normally intrusive & controlling ?
It's obvious you're very uncomfortable with this gift but can your Grandma afford it, is she comfortable financially ?
It sounds to me that your mum could tell that you did love the skirt. (She doesn't know about the tattoo so she's not aware of that problem.)
That you have two ladies who felt that you deserve a treat & because they were aware of something that you liked now was a good time.
They will realise that it's not a sensible way for you to spend your money & thats why your Grandma is giving you the means without spending your money. It sounds to me like your Grandma wants to use some of her money to give you pleasure & from that your mum & she will take pleasure. Is that such a bad thing ?
If your mum & Grandma are intrusive & controlling then my view would be different and likewise if your Grandma couldn't afford the cash I'd be unhappy.
I think you should use the cash as intended & all of you enjoy it.
You don't have to wear it for work you could use it for out of work where your tattoo wouldn't be a problem.
Jen

Georgiegirl256

sooty&sweep wrote: »

It sounds to me like your Grandma wants to use some of her money to give you pleasure & from that your mum & she will take pleasure. Is that such a bad thing ?

Jen

It is when someone gives you the money as a 'gift', and then states what it is to be used for.

jenhug

tell them you are waiting til the skirt gets put in the sale! true mse style!

theoretica

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

It is when someone gives you the money as a 'gift', and then states what it is to be used for.

I wonder how different this thread would be if the skirt had arrived in wrapping paper, or a gift voucher for the shop in question?