I love my mum, but...

pops5588

...Hi everyone. Haven't been on for a while, last time I posted a thread it was about job interviews and I ended up getting a new job which is all-consuming! Just on for a bit of advice with how to proceed with a situation....

My mum and I are close. I love her and I love our relationship. However I know her flaws and although in some ways is she an incredible human being she doesn't react well to certain things.

We met up about a week ago for some lunch and a chat, and as we were walking past her local Phase Eight store I said as a passing comment "oo I like their windows" because they had some really pretty things in there. She suddenly started going on about this skirt and took me in there and waved it in front of me. She said it would be perfect for my new job and I should get it. Here it is: http://www.phase-eight.co.uk/fcp/product/phase-eight//Mara-Floral-Print-Skirt/800939404

Now, it is beautiful. It is exactly my kind of thing, I love the print and the fabric. However:
1) I simply cannot justify spending £65.00 on one item of clothing. I just can't do it.
2) Although I love it and think it would be ok for a casual day at work, it isn't hugely formal and I have a tattoo on my ankle (which she does know about) that I love but fully accept my new bosses and their clients may not like! I would only really wear this skirt with clear tights and therefore would leave my tattoo on display. I'm not prepared to do this.

I went with the finances reason purely because I know she does not approve of my tattoos and never has done and it was left at this. I knew she had met up with my grandmother (her mother) later that same day and that was that.

So yesterday I came home, opened the post and found an "Easter present" of £100 from my grandmother with a card saying this is for something special. I was astonished, I really wasn't expecting anything and I have never been comfortable taking anything from her. However she is a very strong lady and although I have tried to return things to her in the past it has never gone down well, so I phoned her to thank her and she said no need etc we had a lovely chat and that was it. THEN my mum phoned and I said "you won't believe what Mama has done" and she said "oh I know, and did she tell you what it is meant to be for?"...I said "....no? am I meant to?" and my mum reveals it is meant to be specifically for that skirt!!!!!!

I am 24 years old. I know I am probably still young to some, but I grew up very quickly due to my parents' divorce, I am in a very long term relationship, we have owned our own home since last year, I have managed my own finances for years and for me to be given something and then told what to spend it on feels a bit....odd. I would rather just not have the money, or just spend it on nice things for my mama. I just feel uncomfortable about being given money to buy a skirt that my mother has decided I need when I know I won't wear it very often. I feel that she has made out to my Mama that I fell in love with this skirt and was desperate to buy it which isn't true. I do like it but in terms of it being a sensible purchase (yes yes I'm boring) I'm just not up for it.

My mum wants to go shopping together on Monday to try on this skirt and buy it. What do I say?? I so do not want to fall out or upset her but this is far too pushy.

Artytarty

Aw, I might do that kind of thing too!
Your Mum and Gran just want to treat you, 24 is still a babe to them!
Many many people would give their right arm to be fussed over by caring family members like you are.
I'm sure you can try the skirt on and say you re not that happy with it etc. you could get something you like better that is more suitable and useful , I reckon your a mum just enjoys being involved a bit.
Go easy on her.

midnightraven3

"sorry mum as i already said i dont want that skirt so i am keeping the money until i do see something i do like"

end of

phone your grandmother and say yes you saw a skirt but you also said you didnt want to buy it so you are saving the money till you do see something and will let her know what you eventually get

really its none of your mothers business how you spend it

Annisele

I think that, most unfortunately, the skirt doesn't fit you. Or maybe it rides up awkwardly. Or maybe you just don't like it once it's on.

Fredula

^ I agree with Annisele. Whilst you have the most beautiful legs in the world, it is uncomfortable and doesn't feel right.

Either that or just be honest with her, but tactfully.

LilElvis

If you like the skirt and the only thing that is stopping you from buying it is because of the tattoo then what about getting some camouflage makeup to cover it? This Estee Lauder one is quick and easy with a little powder to set it and a tube will last for years:http://www.boots.com/en/Estee-Lauder-Maximum-Cover-Camouflage-Makeup-for-Face-and-Body-SPF-15-30ml_948296/

If it really isn't what you want then how about buying a charm for a bracelet, or starting one, as a lovely memory of your Grandma's gift.

Got to take my daughter to bed or I know I could post more as I can totally feel for you with the predicament your Mum has put you in!

Lovely of you Grandma though!

KxMx

midnightraven3 wrote: »

"sorry mum as i already said i dont want that skirt so i am keeping the money until i do see something i do like"

end of

phone your grandmother and say yes you saw a skirt but you also said you didnt want to buy it so you are saving the money till you do see something and will let her know what you eventually get

really its none of your mothers business how you spend it

I agree exactly.

Your Mum needs to know that kind of pushing is not acceptable to you. She won't stop unless you make a stand. Only you know what would work, how polite/tactful/blunt to be etc. Bring up the tattoos if you must!

She will probably get upset but at the end of the day it won't kill her and you have to upset your parents sometimes for the sake of your own sanity.

Put yourself first instead of pandering to her otherwise it will never stop and only get worse as the years go by, perhaps even extending to your marriage and children etc.

I had a mother who was controlling and the only way to get her to stop was to upset her. But you know what- we have a great relationship now, one which I can enjoy and appreciate her more than I ever did

I'm gobsmacked some posters are advocating pandering to her to such an extent that you will attend the fitting!

marisco_2

pops5588 wrote: »

My mum and I are close. I love her and I love our relationship.

You simply say no. If your relationship with your mum is as good as the above suggests, then some straight talking with her wont have any ill affect on it. Let her know that if you had really wanted that skirt, you would have justified the price to yourself and bought it. Explain to her that you are now left feeling uncomfortable and embarrassed, due to your nan being coerced into giving a very generous monetary gift, in order for you to buy something that you don't really want. At 24 you are not a little girl any more, to take on shopping trips and play at dressing up! Your mum will continue to be pushy and cause this kind of problem until you politely but firmly stand your ground with her.

theoretica

If your mother wants to go shopping with you, and your gran wants you to have something nice can you do some homework first and think of a nice piece of clothing you would like and would wear?

Would you wear flesh coloured opaque tights to hide the tatoo so you would wear the skirt for work?

marisco_2

Artytarty wrote: »

Your Mum and Gran just want to treat you, 24 is still a babe to them!

You are kidding? I would have been horrified if members of my family had thought of me as still a babe at 24 years old. I'd travelled the world by myself, been through university, got married and was running my own home and life by that age. The OP is a grown woman with her own mind, overly concerned about tiptoeing round a mum who interferes way too much and causes her to feel uneasy and pushed around.

Artytarty

No, I'm not kidding. It makes no difference what you have done.
It is their perception I am talking about, not what you achieved.