very scary lodger:please help!

mystic_trev

Grownupgirly - You'd better be careful this forum attracts weirdo's :rotfl: Bruno will be along shortly :eek:

roses

ceridwen wrote: »

One thought - OCD this lodger might be - but, nevertheless, check room closely before they get their deposit back. I have found before now - after the event - a bedside light that gave me an electric shock when I tried to use it subsequently (was fine before they had it). Another episode was that I used a mattress cover on their bed - I should have taken that mattress cover off and inspected the mattress itself shouldnt I? (not just thought - "oh well the cover looks normal"). Shall we just say "they hadnt made it to the loo in time" - at least twice, as both sides had suffered. I had to buy a new bed out of my money - rather than their deposit - because I hadnt noticed before I gave back the deposit.

Ditto to that. My lodger left period stains on both sides of my very expensive mattress, toast under the bed and also ruined a drawer in the chest of drawers where some blue sticky stuff leaked & left sticky residue all over the draw which I can't seem to remove.

So go over the whole room with a fine tooth comb and don't let her pressure you into returning the deposit right there and then as this leaves you prone to missing things out and not doing a thorough check if you have someone breathing down your neck staring at you!

MrsTinks

Check the tenancy agreement... Did you set one up? Has she signed it? What exactly does it state!
I would suggest opting for the down right honest approach but leave the washing machine argument out of it... Annoying though it is and destructive to the environment etc...
Tell her you don't feel comfortable having her in your home and you feel she is not respecting you (she's obviously respecting your property) and you would prefer if she could move out as soon as possible. You will ofcourse refund any outstanding rent paid and deposit as per her tenancy agreement. Don't offer her all of it back (if need be have this as a bartering tool! Also worth having it in case she turns vindictive and trashes her room before leaving...)
But be honest... and yes if you think she could turn psyco then have a male friend around especially come moving day but also when you ask her to vacate the premises.
Good Luck

R1gM

I think this all comes down to clashes really of personality. For example I have a lodger and she basically gets the run of the house because although its mine and she is very considerate I appreciate the money and want her to feel comfortable. She probably does washing 3/4 times a week and it doesn't bother me and if I was living with you I would expect probably at least two washes a week (i don't have many clothes my housemate does). I don't live how I did when I was on my own and I don't flip out about anything.

Equally my housemate feeds my cat when I work late, cooks for me (I do also for her) and tidy's my house when I am not in. Its a two way thing and we get along great. I think in your case you just don't mix really well, as in your standard of cleanliness and hers don't match and it rubs you both up the wrong way. If she is as crazy as you say I do feel you just avoid her for the next few weeks.

roses

Glad to hear that you have actually managed to sit down and talk to her about it. Most people aren't interested in resolving conflicts, they just move on so who knows, you might turn into really good friends if you can tell each other face to face what bothers you

grownupgirly

yes, that would be good! Maybe this is all good preparation for the 'M'-word!

Gingham_Ribbon

Glad it seems amicable now.

I would add though, for anyone who has a problem lodger, to change the locks after they've gone. I had an awful lodger and a few days after he left I got up in the morning to find out 'someone' had been in my house. The cats had been locked in for the night when I went to bed and when I got up they were all sitting on the doorstep unable to get in. It was clear that he'd been in and messed about with enough stuff for me to know - creepy behaviour and very frightening. My friend helped me change the lock the same day.

grownupgirly

wow! Mine seems to pale into insignificance in comparison!

wecanhelpu

grownupgirly wrote: »

thanks one and all.

Just wanted to update you all:



Anyway, we then chatted and cleared the air. She said she doesnt want to move out, she's been very happy here, and sees it as her (albeit temporary) home. After a respectful and calm conversation about how I was feeling (alot of it over the last few days was me reading things into things), she still said she didnt want to go. She agreed to use the washing machine on the 'everyday 30 setting' (30 mins at 30 degrees) as and when she wanted to. And she agreed that she'd ask me (if Im around) if I have any clothes (the right colour of course) to bung in with hers. We agreed that we need to communicate more about stuff.

We also made an agreement as to who will do what cleaning. I asked her her preferences as to how we should divvy up the cleaning (eg: I would divvy it up by rooms, but she'd rather divvy it up by all the floors - vacuuming throughout, incl. stairs; lounge dusting; all the bins; recycling; kitchen; bathroom. Thats fair enough and as long as its fair, its ok). She agreed that neither of us could commit to a particular day of the week to clean, but we both agreed to get all our jobs done once a week. I gave her the vacuuming of the stairs!

It feels better now and we started having a normal chat. She said that she had a really hard week last week because it was her birthday (she doesnt know all that many people to go out with etc) and so it probably all overwhelmed her... she's also unsettled at work.. many factors. Basically, we agreed that we need to keep each other up to date with whats going on in our lives, so that neither of us read stuff into situations thats not actually there. A learning curve for all, I feel! (well, me and her, anyway! )



Grownupgirly

Do yourself a favour - don't fall for this trick.

Give her notice and kick her out at the end of the month.

Otherwise you'll find yourself going through the same old thing again.

ceridwen

hi grownupgirly

Well - fingers crossed for you that all will be well. But I would echo the last poster and sound a note of caution - so hope for the best, but also prepare for the worst. Just in case. Do still have someone with you when she leaves, do still change the lock after her, do still check the room before handing back deposit. But lets just hope I am being unduly cynical.