The Big Adventure

ljaneyr

Goldiegirl wrote: »

Over the last 24 hours I think I've had a reaction to my current situation, and have crashed and burned.


I feel terribly low - I think it's the combination of waiting to see what's happened to me and the realisation that I'm now partially deaf and I'm going to be like that forever. It's a lot to take in, really.

I think this is entirely understandable, I would be surprised if you weren't experiencing any effects after what you have been through recently.

Goldiegirl wrote: »

When I started this diary, my every intention was that it was going to be entirely positive and upbeat. However, recent events show that you never know what's around the corner.

I was just thinking, late spring and early summer are my favourite times of the year, everything is new and fresh. But over recent years, if anything is going to happen, it happens in May and June.

For example
May 2004 - my dad died
June 2006 - I had to give evidence at the Crown Court
May/June 2008 - mum taken ill, and died 20th June
June 2009 - notice of redundancy after 28 years in the same job.

But what I have learnt is, no matter how awful something is, I've always come through. Life is different afterwards, but that difference is the new normal.

One thing MFW has taught me is that everyone goes through difficult times! I know this is obvious really, but sometimes it seems like everyone else is getting on OK and you're the only one struggling.

My family has been through a lot of medical issues since my dad first got ill about 10 years ago. We've all had some serious health scare or condition. We nearly lost my brother at one point and now a close relative has cancer. My mum keeps saying 'maybe next year will be better, we just need one good year to set us straight' but I think this is a really unhelpful way to think. Life is random and this just leads to disappointment. I'm trying really hard not to think in timescales like this - more carp is bound to happen at some point so we can only cope as best as we can when it does.

I like what you said about 'the new normal'

Goldiegirl

julliff wrote: »

I always like to think that my strength lies not in having any special talents or amazingness, but just the ability to keep going. Thats all we can do, isn't it?

That is exactly how I feel. For me, it's so important to keep going, and try and keep normality in my life. In the 2000's when things kept on happening in my life, and even now, there's a big temptation to pull the covers over my head and just stop and say 'no more'. But when you eventually get yourself out from under the covers, the issues will still be there, so I really try to face up to things when I have too. I find it easier to cope, by doing that.





Mouche, yours was one of the first diaries that I read, as I was so impressed with the way you had coped with your recent adversity. I thought you were amazing, so for you to say I'm doing well - that means a lot to me.


Oh, and the steroids - If I'd taken them within the first 24 - 48 hours of hearing loss, I might have got some hearing back, but it would have been a long shot even then. To be honest, I wasn't really happy about taking them, what with all the side effects, and then when I found out that they weren't suitable for people with glaucoma in the family, that really turned me against it. Fortunately, the doc and I were on the same page about it. Must be horrible for your mum to take them regularly.





Janey, Sorry to hear that you and your family have been going through trying times recently.. Sometimes it seems that once something happens, after that it's never ending. I agree that it's not a good idea to think in timescales.... things stop and start their own good time, all we can do is deal with it when it happens, and come out the other side - to the new normal.


Everyone was very kind to me at work today, and they've caught on that they need to speak up a bit, so there wasn't any mumbling when they wanted to talk to me, so I appreciated that.


I only have a 30 minute lunch break, but I managed to get out for 20 minute walk as it was sunny. I work in a modern, newly built area, so it's nicely landscaped, so it was very nice. I just walked and let my mind wander, and didn't think about much at all.


So to sum up, it's been a better day today. No doubt I'll have lots of ups and downs, but that it how life is, and it usually comes right in the end.

Secret_Saving_Squirrel

The hearing thing sounds awful, I really sympathise. It is hard to look on the positive side when something like that is always with you. You are doing really well and like Juliff says, we just keep going. Something I too halve learned from being on this forum is that everybody has things going on in their lives and the winners are those who, like you, focus on the positives the most.

Very good luck,

Squirrel x

Goldiegirl

That's the working week done with :j


Thanks for dropping by SSS - as you say, it's best to try and concentrate on the positives as much as possible - I'm still me, I've still got Mr Goldie, and my good friends, my home and all my plans still in place. That's pretty good, I think


With that in mind, just going to concentrate on having good weekend. We are going out tomorrow, to Canterbury. We are seeing the matinee performance of a new musical, Happy Days, based on the TV show at the Marlowe Theatre. We'll have lunch too, will go to Pizza Express so we can take advantage of a Halifax cash back offer. Really looking forward to our day out

Goldiegirl

Had a really nice day in Canterbury yesterday


Lovely weather, and Happy Days was a brilliant show to see.


I was really looking forward to this day out after recent events, and I'm pleased to say that my new deafness didn't impact my enjoyment too much.


There was one incident in Costa Coffee, when we were buying our coffees. It's really noisy at the till area with all the coffee making and bean grinding etc, and I couldn't hear all that the assistant was saying. But when we drank our coffees we went to the quieter upstairs area, so that was fine. When we had our pizza we sat in the outside area, which I find better as it's less likely to be noisy and echoey.


When we were walking around, my ear was a bit whiny, which was annoying, but I just have to learn not to focus on this.


I was thrilled that my enjoyment of the show was not affected at all. It was loud enough to hear clearly, and to drown out any noise in my ear. I did notice that the show is captioned, on monitors each side of the stage, so this would be so helpful for people who are worse off than me.


When we got home, I made sure I completely relaxed, and sat quietly, which I think helped my tinnitus to subside to the hiss which I find easier to deal with.


Had a great nights sleep and this morning my tinnitus is at what I call a soft level - that is not loud, and also not a harsh noise.


This raises a question in my mind - is it possible keep tinnitus at lower levels by my own actions.


My ear had been whining more since Thursday - which happened to be the start of my working week. It was very busy and can be rather intense, so it's difficult to relax - maybe this had an adverse effect on me? Also, maybe I should have sat and completely relaxed when I got home from work.


I'll have to monitor what happens.... if I can somehow influence how I hear things, and make it better for myself, I'd like to do this- it makes me feel I have some control.


Anyway - today involves catching up on ironing, doing more washing, and eBay parcel wrapping

Goldiegirl

A pleasing week for eBay selling.


I had 11 things listed - a batch of records, 2 batches of postcards , three jigsaws and some of my friends clothes. All 11 things have sold


As it is a new month, I've listed another 10 today, and will use the rest of my June allowance next weekend. That'll be it before my holiday, as I like to have stopped selling at least two weeks before I go to deal with any late payers or queries.


A free listing weekend would be handy for the re-lists, but I'm not that bothered.


One things for sure though, I'm not paying 35p to list something. From reading the ebay forums there's a lot of people who have made the same decision, so it'll be interesting to see if all the little cogs can affect eBays decision. Doubt it, but it makes me feels better to try!

katep23

Well done on the eB@ying; I just put stuff in a pile to list then end up taking it to the charity shop when I get bored of looking at it

Beckyy

Well done on the ebaying! I've managed to sell a few things lately, but am still getting my head around the new selling rules/fees.

Goldiegirl

Morning all.

I'm just going to take the eBay parcels to be posted. Only one person hasn't paid and that's the largest parcel which will go by Collect Plus, so at least I won't have to go to the PO again this week.

I've got my MRI scan this afternoon, I don't feel nervous about it at this point, I just want to get it done and out of the way.

But with that in mind, I'm not going to run around getting all the housework done. Will just do the things that I feel like doing.

mouche

Good luck with the MRI Goldie. And I think the idea of controlling the tinnitus by relaxing and destressing is a good one. Glad you had a nice weekend!