Pre-nup v debt

claire21

It would be good to hear points of view from people who were either much financially better off than the other, by that I don't mean just 10s of thousands and also people who have a large debt before marriage and their views on what happens to their own personal debt on marriage.

VestanPance

If you still think of things as theirs and mine then you shouldn't be thinking of marriage.

Even the context of your point is invalid as what debt/savings/possessions someone has entering marriage would not mean that is their exit point and that a person with no debt could easily rack it up during the marriage just as someone with debts could clear them/earn more/contribute more etc. Add children to the mix and you're in an even bigger hypothetical hole.

A big issue for most couples splitting financially is the fact that over a number of years they've become accustomed to living on two wages with all living expenses split in some way between the couple. A couple split and you have almost the same bills amount but only one wage and for many that means having to adapt to a change in lifestyle.

claire21

I'm sorry you think it's invalid, I was just hoping for a discussion, I do understand that things change during a marriage.

Let's make the divide huge:

A retired rock star / football player with millions marrys a normal woman who let's guess is younger than him with no kids and has not purchased a home in her prior life. Do we think it's fair as they got married if things go wrong the starting point is 50/50 because they agreed for richer for poorer? Or do we think their money came off their own back before the wife came along so that he is entitled to a lot more than 50% ?

VestanPance

As I said if you still think of things as theirs and mine then you shouldn't be thinking of marriage.

If you care more about savings/possessions than the person you are planning to pledge life long commitment too you aren't ready for marriage or you're marrying the wrong person.

claire21

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/4911068

Post 10 is interesting, here's someone saying it's cruel to go for the other halves pension in divorce, so they obviously thought that something's "belong" to one person in divorce?

claire21

VestanPance wrote: »

As I said if you still think of things as theirs and mine then you shouldn't be thinking of marriage.

If you care more about savings/possessions than the person you are planning to pledge life long commitment too you aren't ready for marriage or you're marrying the wrong person.

I'm saying I don't think people getting married do care about savings/possessions when they are getting married....but somehow on divorce they tend to care quite a lot...


Edit also the vows we take say forever until death, but it's a divorce so we broke those vows, we didn't enter marriage thinking one day we will have an affair or I can't stand the site of the other person now...so how can we pick which part of the vow we want to stick to and disregard the other

Georgiegirl256

claire21 wrote: »

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/4911068

Post 10 is interesting, here's someone saying it's cruel to go for the other halves pension in divorce, so they obviously thought that something's "belong" to one person in divorce?

I agree totally with post 10 in that thread. IMO, anything brought into the marriage (where one person has considerably more than the other, and their pension etc) should be safeguarded, but anything earned/bought into the relationship after the marriage is for want of a better phrase, fair game.

Apologies if I've missed it, but was it mentioned why you're asking the question? Are you the one with the debt or your OH? Or is it a hypothetical question?

FBaby

claire21 wrote: »

I'm saying I don't think people getting married do care about savings/possessions when they are getting married....but somehow on divorce they tend to care quite a lot...

I don't think you can try to understand it as a black or white situation. In some cases, it is indeed an issue of marrying when one started with a lot more than the other and wishing upon divorce that that had drawn a pre-nup to get back what was theirs, although I think in most cases, they wish they had never married in the first place

You also have the case when both started married life with no savings/possessions, but all was accumulated other the years by the labour or one party only, and they feel upon divorce that it shouldn't be divived 50/50 for that reason.

I understand you say you want to keep it simple for the sake of the discussion, but I don't think it is ever really simple as they are many variables that will influence how someone feels upon marriage and then divorce. Let's not forget that although divorce rates are high, many people still remain married.

claire21

FBaby wrote: »

I don't think you can try to understand it as a black or white situation. In some cases, it is indeed an issue of marrying when one started with a lot more than the other and wishing upon divorce that that had drawn a pre-nup to get back what was theirs, although I think in most cases, they wish they had never married in the first place

You also have the case when both started married life with no savings/possessions, but all was accumulated other the years by the labour or one party only, and they feel upon divorce that it shouldn't be divived 50/50 for that reason.

I understand you say you want to keep it simple for the sake of the discussion, but I don't think it is ever really simple as they are many variables that will influence how someone feels upon marriage and then divorce. Let's not forget that although divorce rates are high, many people still remain married.

I agree with everything you said, it's not simple but was trying my best lol, just interested in people's views .

claire21

Georgiegirl yes it's a hypothetical question.

It just seems to be someone thinks they have lost out financially at the end of what is normally a real emotional time.