Pre-nup v debt

DUTR

meritaten wrote: »

Then you definitely shouldn't marry them. there is no trust there. in the old days they were called 'gold diggers'. Look for someone in the same social class/financial situation as yourself. and don't forget to ask to see their bank statement. and do a credit check. you could also get a private detective to check their background too while you are at it.

Although part of your post is having a dig, I agree with the bold text, (which applies to both genders) , I would like to add education also, I would not expect a partner to please me or they expect me to please them, however I'd expect to be pleased with them and they with me.
I digress slightly

Netwizard

Seen a lot of people (mainly work colleagues) get married with a lot, and not so many years later, leave ruined, broken and penniless. I'd be worried about getting married without any protection, but then again, marriage isn't something that appeals to me anyway, so it probably won't happen here.

marisco_2

meritaten wrote: »

Look for someone in the same social class/financial situation as yourself.

I agree with this part of your post. I think if people have vastly different approaches to how they manage their finances it could negatively affect a relationship. A persons financial behaviour is a reflection of their character. If they always put the here and now before the there and then, what does that say for a relationship long-term? Don’t hitch your cart to a horse headed into a ditch!

DUTR

marisco wrote: »

I agree with this part of your post. I think if people have vastly different approaches to how they manage their finances it could negatively affect a relationship. A persons financial behaviour is a reflection of their character. If they always put the here and now before the there and then, what does that say for a relationship long-term? Don’t hitch your cart to a horse headed into a ditch!

And it's these little sayings that really mean a lot.
And I can see from some of the threads that many threads starters would not find themselves in an unfavourable position (not just financially) if they were not in such a 'rush' to be in a relationship or start a family

claire21

Thanks I hope for more comments on this thread to see where it goes.

Some have said they wouldn't marry someone with debts or unless they were under control, nobody has said they wouldn't marry someone who was rich.

Others have mentioned wills to protect assets for children etc, which is what I see as one on the several reasons a prenup is done for.

I know there is more to equality in a marriage but this is purely a financial question.

For better for worse....if along side that who would sign a paper to agree to be worse off if things break down.

If nobody agrees to signing for worse why are they happy to marry someone richer without signing anything so they don't walk away richer if things end?

I am waiting for all those who marry someone more well off to say... I wouldn't sign a prenup, to justify why they wouldn't take on someone with debt and have the judge rule they had a responsibility to the debt if things went wrong.

I hope you understand what I am asking.

Errata

Are you aware that a prenup has no legal standing?

Tink2

The bottom line is, I wouldn't marry someone who was in debt, I've never been in debt and never will be so no way in hell would I take on someone else's!

DUTR

claire21 wrote: »

Thanks I hope for more comments on this thread to see where it goes.

Some have said they wouldn't marry someone with debts or unless they were under control, nobody has said they wouldn't marry someone who was rich.

I hope you understand what I am asking.

Perhaps you missed my post , chose to ignore it , or misunderstood it.
I'm not married and if my GF (or family member) won the lotto jackpot , I wouldn't be expecting a large or any gift , I don't have much, but everything you see me with I have worked for and it's paid for.
In my younger day I have been out with women who are well off (often from circumstance at birth) and TBH I feel uncomfortable, likewise if I'm dating 'an old fashion girl' I feel annoyed and dissapointed that they cannot will not or unable to dip into their own purse.

marisco_2

DUTR wrote: »

And I can see from some of the threads that many threads starters would not find themselves in an unfavourable position (not just financially) if they were not in such a 'rush' to be in a relationship or start a family

I agree with you. So much heartbreak could be avoided, both by adults and any children who come into the equation, if people didn't make life changing decisions before thinking it all through first. If it goes wrong all they gain is to have plenty of time afterwards to think about their mistakes, and to wonder why they didn't take more time to come to a better decision. It's far better to approach things with caution than to end up with regret when it's too late.

claire21

FBaby wrote: »

I wouldn't sign up a pre-nup because I consider that once you are married, you trust the person completely to the point of taking the risk of losing out financially in addition to emotionally if things were to go wrong. If that trust is not in place, then I don't think the couple is ready for marriage (and I see nothing wrong with being in a committed relationship without marriage if this is a sticking point).

Similarly, I wouldn't marry someone in debts if I wasn't totally trusting that they would be dealing with it during our marriage.

Just a question as you said you wouldn't sign a prenup, so the person with more money is taking the financial chance of losing something, so do you trust someone enough to sign something to say you would take on their debt if it came to it?

I completely understand trust in a marriage but there is trust with an outcome for the better for one person financially in one situation and in the other situation their is debt for one person.

Purely a debate no right or wrong answers, just I haven't heard one person say they wouldn't marry a richer person only people say they wouldn't marry a person with a lot of debt, if there was a legal requirement to sign something.