Pre-nup v debt

claire21

I've been reading the thread about the Pre-nup and the house in trust and saw some people were saying they wouldn't ever sign a pre-nup as marriage is a fairy tale for want of a better expression and they are getting married for love etc and not for money if things go wrong, they aren't a gold digger. So if we go along with that and when you get married you think every thing is 50/50 if a marriage ends.

What would you think about marrying someone with loads of debt and they say sign to agree half the debt is yours when we get married if anything goes wrong, as we are now in this together. Do you still believe in the fairy tale or would you then be thinking what if somewhere down the line the marriage fails?

Just seems to be some people think a pre-nup is unfair to protect the wealthier person in a relationship, so what if it's the other way round, do you still hold the view that we are now equally involved in a negative financial situation if the marriage ends?

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/4880554
This was the thread I was reading, it's a bit more complicated than the normal but that's where I got my question from.

Mojisola

claire21 wrote: »

What would you think about marrying someone with loads of debt and they say sign to agree half the debt is yours when we get married if anything goes wrong, as we are now in this together. Do you still believe in the fairy tale or would you then be thinking what if somewhere down the line the marriage fails?

I wouldn't get married to someone with loads of debt until they had changed their ways and were well on the way to paying it off.

claire21

Mojisola wrote: »

I wouldn't get married to someone with loads of debt until they had changed their ways and were well on the way to paying it off.

I quite understand that, but what I'm wanting to hear is if people say they wouldn't sign a pre-nup as all has to be fair and equal in a marriage would then consider signing something that would be seen as a negative if they still believe in the total fairness if a marriage ends.

themull1

No i wouldn't take on anyones debt. But i would sign something to protect my kids assets.

FBaby

I wouldn't sign up a pre-nup because I consider that once you are married, you trust the person completely to the point of taking the risk of losing out financially in addition to emotionally if things were to go wrong. If that trust is not in place, then I don't think the couple is ready for marriage (and I see nothing wrong with being in a committed relationship without marriage if this is a sticking point).

Similarly, I wouldn't marry someone in debts if I wasn't totally trusting that they would be dealing with it during our marriage.

thorsoak

Personally, I would not sign a pre-nup; when we married, we made vows "all my worldy goods with you I share". That meant a lot - it meant that we shared everything - good and bad.

Now, widowed and 70, I don't anticipate getting married again at any time in the near future - but if thiings were to change in the future, I'm not sure that I would marry again - but if I were to, I think it would be more important to ensure that wills were made to ensure that each partner's family (children and grandchildren) received whatever their parent had taken into the marriage.

Probably easier to live over the brush over 70!!:rotfl:

74jax

I haven't read the thread you link, but I have commented on several pre nup threads.

I signed one, didn't bother me, as the one who didn't come to the marriage with a lot. I guess if I minded then OH wouldn't have pushed it, but I understood his reasons. He has several hundred of thousands whereas I had just a house.

It's very individual, some people are for them, some aren't, some are like me and don't really care either way .

meritaten

I have to ask what's 'fair and equal' in marriage? are both parties expected to be earning the same? a prenup only takes account of 'financial' matters.
is a 'stay at home' wife and mother to be cast off without a penny? because she hasn't brought an equal amount of money in? what about the savings in child care, housekeeping etc? the courts already recognise that - but quite honestly if you marry someone in debt, then divorcing yourself from their problems even before you marry - you shouldn't marry because you are not committed enough.

DUTR

meritaten wrote: »

I have to ask what's 'fair and equal' in marriage? are both parties expected to be earning the same? a prenup only takes account of 'financial' matters.
is a 'stay at home' wife and mother to be cast off without a penny? because she hasn't brought an equal amount of money in? what about the savings in child care, housekeeping etc? the courts already recognise that - but quite honestly if you marry someone in debt, then divorcing yourself from their problems even before you marry - you shouldn't marry because you are not committed enough.

Do people get married because they are a rotting leaf and looking for a good tree?
I certainly wouldn't want to entertain financially someone's previous woes from a time before me, just as I wouldn't want them to fix mine for me (if there were any) it just adds unnecessary strain for no gain.

meritaten

DUTR wrote: »

Do people get married because they are a rotting leaf and looking for a good tree?
I certainly wouldn't want to entertain financially someone's previous woes from a time before me, just as I wouldn't want them to fix mine for me (if there were any) it just adds unnecessary strain for no gain.

Then you definitely shouldn't marry them. there is no trust there. in the old days they were called 'gold diggers'. Look for someone in the same social class/financial situation as yourself. and don't forget to ask to see their bank statement. and do a credit check. you could also get a private detective to check their background too while you are at it.

ellay864

When DH and I got together he had a mountain of debt. I earn almost 3 times what he does but there's been no pre-nup. We were together 5 years before we started living together (he moved in with me) and the debt was being managed because I helped him. He was paying things off as best he could but me helping him benefited us as a couple. I had decent enought credit rating to be a card tart and we hacked it down loads that way. He still has some debt but it's under control. I have not signed the house into joint names, and we have made wills that ensure my kids are protected (yes I know that doesn't mean it's all safe in the event of a divorce). I married him with the faith in us as a couple to deal with the financial problems and to stick together. If I hadn't believed that I wouldn't have married him