Ready to leave hospital???

Flugelhorn

I think Fbaby has hit the nail on the head - the lady says she wants to go home and refusing nursing home. Very difficult.

Sometimes they need to go home to realise that they can't be cared for properly there and then things have to be reasessed

thorsoak

When we knew that my OH was dying with pancreatic cancer, he wanted to come home. He didn't want to go into a hospice, and we decided that if nothing else could be done, then he would come home - whether the drs liked it or not!

Our local hospice has "hospice at home" facilities - and they organised carers who came in three times a day, the district nurse came in daily to see to his medication (he was on pump driver medication) and arrangements had been put in place for a Marie Cure nurse to come in three nights a week on the day he died. With their help (and that of family too) I was able to cope.

I knew that hard as it was, I had done the best possible thing I could for him - and that was a comfort to me.

Ruby-woo - its a very hard time for you all, you all have my thoughts and prayers that you get the right support to be able to let your mum go peacefully. {{hugs}}

growler834

Ruby,

I feel for you as I am in a similar position with my mum who will be discharged soon & has the same care needs & has only been given months to live.

I know you have concerns about the level of care your mum will get at home & that your dad won't be able to cope but I have come to realise that my mum's wish to go home is the most important thing to consider. What are your dad's wishes - although he may not be able to cope his wishes should also be considered - I know my dad wants my mum to come home, no matter how hard it will be on him. With the help of careers, nurses, our 'hospice at home help' and family members (very small family) we will do all we can to make mum comfortable & happy in her own surroundings for the time she has left. Although the care in a hospital gives a patient a feeling of some security, sometimes the need to go home outweighs that. Speak to your local Mac group, your local hospice & the hospital social worker & ask for as much help as you can get put in place & you may find your mum settles better when she gets home. Also, point out your dad's health problems & they should consider his needs too when putting care in place in the home.

I hope your mum has a peaceful & comfortable life in the immediate future & that you & your family can share in that peace & comfort in the surroundings of the parental home. Best wishes, Angie x

Ruby_woo

Thank you for your replies, going back to hospital now. Will reply in full later xxx

duchy

I hope it went well at the hospital.
Ultimately you need to be very clear what is best for your Mum and how much your Dad can realistically handle. The hospital doesn't have your Mum's long term needs as a priority. Their priority is to get the bed back now she needs care rather than treatment as such. Ultimately they are moving your Mum to social services so it is no longer their responsibility.....not in a bad way just how the system works. They may not be above guilt tripping you into arrangements you don't feel are appropriate. If you aren't convinced then say no !
Sending you a hug -it's a horrible time and there is little support for families who are under huge pressure to make decisions .

heartbreak_star

Hope you manage to get something sorted at the hospital. Big hugs.

HBS x

fivetide

I'm suspecting some form of cancer given what has been written and also agree with Flugelhorn.

the only other thing i can suggest is speaking with charities like Macmillan who provde a lot of this sort of nursing care to people in their own homes.

If they can help, even by listening and providing some expert advice it will be worth it. Definitely a charity worth supporting.

Hope it works out and she stays comfy.

patchwork_cat

As someone else has said Macmillan or Marie Curie, most hospices don't just deal with the last fortnight. Contact your local hospice and confirm for yourself.

pollypenny

Ruby, you just have to fight for what you know is best for your mum.

As duchy said, the hospital want the bed. Your mum says she wants to go home, so that's playing into their hands. Social Services and Marie Curie between them should help.

I really feel for you. We had the same sort of thing with my father, full of bravado, insisting he could cope after he broke his hip.

getmore4less

in these situations you have to be very careful not to give the impression you can do some of the care even if you can and will.

any hint and the hospital may try to push for early release without proper care in place.

one option might be for hospice while preparations are made for home, much better place to stabilize meds and assess care needs.