How to word a message?

Poppops

This_Year wrote: »

When anyone says they have "best friends" I always think they must be about 6 years old.

Why?

I'm 41, my best friend at school is still my best friend. We have a group of friends and all go out, on holiday etc. but she is the one I go to if I'm in trouble and vice versa. Last month I drove to her house at 3am as she was upset.

I love her more than I do my other friends. I literally consider her and her family to be my extended family and I know she feels the same

If 'best friend' is too childish, what term do you consider appropriate because 'friend' doesn't cut it!

Georgiegirl256

Person_one wrote: »

If 5 people all score 100% on a test, they're all the best.

As I say though, I haven't referred to them that way since we were all wearing school uniforms and trying to get the best table in the canteen near the older boys!

Do adult women really think you can only have one 'bestie'? That they have to rank their closest friends like its a competition?

It's usually the case that there's one friend that you would choose above all others if you had a problem and needed to talk, one whose advise you'd trust above all others. That one is the one you are usually closest too, and so is therefore classed as your best friend. You can have numerous very close friends, but there's usually one your closer too, or have known longer than the others.

If you had a problem say, is there one of the five that you would turn to first?

DaveTheMus

Do adults still have 'best friends'?

Think you need to do a bit of growing up OP.

To answer your question though, even if you do make contact and become 'best friends' again, you'll still feel guilty about what you did because it was a horrible thing that you did.

Your post is telling, your main reason for reestablishing contact is because you want to soothe your conscience and make yourself feel better, entirely selfish reasons.

You might find that your old friend has a husband, some kids and doesn't have time to accommodate someone on a conscience quest.

Kayalana99

I don't mind you all having a debate about best friends etc, but I don't think using the term means I need to grow up - it is simply a term I used to show how close I was to her but at the same time I do have a best friend - I love her to bits that does not make me childish, it's a very narrow minded view to say someone needs to 'grow up' because they use the term best friend.

And no I already said I feel bad about what happened but at same time I was just a young teen and I don't hold it against myself - so no it's not just to sooth my conscience.

I want my friend back.

FYI, her brother punched me off his own back and the teacher it was nothing to do with her (well it was as in he got involved but not like she made him)

CH27

Kayalana99 wrote: »

I don't mind you all having a debate about best friends etc, but I don't think using the term means I need to grow up - it is simply a term I used to show how close I was to her but at the same time I do have a best friend - I love her to bits that does not make me childish, it's a very narrow minded view to say someone needs to 'grow up' because they use the term best friend.

And no I already said I feel bad about what happened but at same time I was just a young teen and I don't hold it against myself - so no it's not just to sooth my conscience.

I want my friend back.

FYI, her brother punched me off his own back and the teacher it was nothing to do with her (well it was as in he got involved but not like she made him)

Why would you want someone back who caused you so much hassle?
Why would you want to be involved with someone who was violent?

paulineb_2

Kayalana99 wrote: »

I don't mind you all having a debate about best friends etc, but I don't think using the term means I need to grow up - it is simply a term I used to show how close I was to her but at the same time I do have a best friend - I love her to bits that does not make me childish, it's a very narrow minded view to say someone needs to 'grow up' because they use the term best friend.

And no I already said I feel bad about what happened but at same time I was just a young teen and I don't hold it against myself - so no it's not just to sooth my conscience.

I want my friend back.

FYI, her brother punched me off his own back and the teacher it was nothing to do with her (well it was as in he got involved but not like she made him)

Why do you want your friend back? Its been 7-8 years since this all happened. I understand that life gets in the way sometimes, but if you really did want to repair a friendship, I think youd have done it sooner.

Also, you left messages on her bebo and myspace about her not having very much money? I do understand as teens people can do things that in later years they regret, but perhaps what you really need to do is build new friendships, not try and look for something that's gone.

Neither of you acted in a particularly friendly way towards one another. Theres nothing wrong with sending a message saying hi how are you, but if you need to make new friends, maybe that's what you should concentrate on, moving forwards and not backwards.

balletshoes

Person_one wrote: »

If 5 people all score 100% on a test, they're all the best.

As I say though, I haven't referred to them that way since we were all wearing school uniforms and trying to get the best table in the canteen near the older boys!

Do adult women really think you can only have one 'bestie'? That they have to rank their closest friends like its a competition?

not me, i have 2 friends who i class as my closest - its not a competition.

balletshoes

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

It's usually the case that there's one friend that you would choose above all others if you had a problem and needed to talk, one whose advise you'd trust above all others. That one is the one you are usually closest too, and so is therefore classed as your best friend. You can have numerous very close friends, but there's usually one your closer too, or have known longer than the others.

If you had a problem say, is there one of the five that you would turn to first?

as i said i have 2 - and i would turn to them both, neither above the other.

balletshoes

paulineb wrote: »

Why do you want your friend back? Its been 7-8 years since this all happened. I understand that life gets in the way sometimes, but if you really did want to repair a friendship, I think youd have done it sooner.

Also, you left messages on her bebo and myspace about her not having very much money? I do understand as teens people can do things that in later years they regret, but perhaps what you really need to do is build new friendships, not try and look for something that's gone.

Neither of you acted in a particularly friendly way towards one another.
Theres nothing wrong with sending a message saying hi how are you,
but if you need to make new friends, maybe that's what you should concentrate on, moving forwards and not backwards.

as others have said OP, thats as far as I would go - I wouldn't suggest meeting for a coffee etc, i'd ask how she is in the message, and i'd leave it at that. If you do reply further with each other, then maybe subsequent conversations might prompt a meet-up for a chat between you.

krlyr

Kayalana99 wrote: »

I want my friend back.

Just bear in mind that this may not be possible, even if you are both amicable with each other. People change a lot in their late teens and early 20s IMO, and you may have both moved in opposite directions.

I've made friends as an adult with people I didn't get along with at school, and I've fallen out or grown apart from friends I knew for years in my childhood. You're still developing, not just physically but mentally - your views/opinions/beliefs, your mannerisms, your attitude.

And even if, after all this time, you've remained similar people, there's the damage that's been done. Yes, you were kids, but would you both always be thinking about the past and wondering if you would fall out again? I've tried to rekindle friendships, but things said in the heat of an argument or once the relationship has broken down can linger and leave a bad taste.