Separation - house rules???

Brighton_belle

Delree wrote: »

I wouldn't worry about it at all. If I were in your position I would have no qualms over having my partner staying.

Even if it made your children anxious?

danlojo

I get your point over the children but I've sat them down and reassured them....I feel more at ease now, thank you x

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Brighton_belle wrote: »

Even if it made your children anxious?

They're anxious about the possible reaction of somebody who it really has nothing to do with in the first place. The OP is doing nothing wrong. Once they know that the ex cannot dictate how the OP conducts her relationship, then there's no reason to worry about it, much less allow the ex to exercise an inappropriate level of control either by directly saying 'no, he can't stay' or by the OP not continuing with her life as she sees fit for fear of a negative reaction from him.

CH27

Has your ex been violent or made threats in the past? Is that what is concerning the children?

Person_one

danlojo wrote: »

The kids (early teens) are ok with him being here but worry about their dad turning up and what might happen....:(

Does your ex regularly turn up uninvited and let himself in? Is that why they're worried?

danlojo

He does have a temper but just through voice no other way.

Seanymph

I think that you are a good example to not allow your ex to cause you anxiety and stress.

And I think it is good for the children to see you consider his feelings, and make an independent decision.

If they see you, as an adult, fearful of his reaction then they will be fearful. If you say 'this is our home, we can make our own decisions over what happens here' they will feel empowered in their own home.

Brighton_belle

Jojo_the_Tightfisted wrote: »

They're anxious about the possible reaction of somebody who it really has nothing to do with in the first place. The OP is doing nothing wrong. Once they know that the ex cannot dictate how the OP conducts her relationship, then there's no reason to worry about it, much less allow the ex to exercise an inappropriate level of control either by directly saying 'no, he can't stay' or by the OP not continuing with her life as she sees fit for fear of a negative reaction from him.

I agree with you Jojo, I was just challenging the 'wouldn't worry about it at all'. The children in such a scenario need to be heard and reassured not ignored that's all. If dad has a habit of letting himself in and being violent, then they would have legitimate concerns and we were not to know if the worries were legitimate.


OP - I didn't think you were ignoring your kids by the way, I'm talking generally.

DKLS

He may or may not react badly to a new man in his old cave but tread carefully, my ex was massively upset when she discovered I had moved on within a couple of days which resulted in her going full on bunny boiler and doing everything possible to avoid selling the house.

FatVonD

Manners work both ways, while it would be rude of your ex to turn up unannounced when you have your new partner there I think it's equally rude of you to have your new partner in what is still half your ex's house.

Does your ex have a new partner?