Nice People Thread Number 11 - A Treasury of Nice People

vivatifosi

silvercar wrote: »

I nearly went to Watford this afternoon but then CBA.

I'm looking for light shades that are in stock, cheap and transportable but not made of paper. Tried Argos and Dunelm. Any other ideas?

For whatever reason I totally misread that. Possibly because the reason I was in Watford was to buy new glasses, though on this occasion I looked at, but didn't buy, shades.

Wilkinsons, B&M, Ikea, the big Asda store, I'd try those for cheap light shades. I'd look online first though to see if they have anything suitable. Did you want to take them to your other place, ie needs to fit in a suitcase?

I've seen some nice self assembly ones that you could fit in a case, but they weren't cheap. I think they were Scandinavian. Ah, they were, these ones:
http://www.cloudberryliving.co.uk/normann-copenhagen-norm-69-lamp-shade-880-p.aspx
There are some links to other nice shades on the same page.

Or these from Habitat:
http://www.habitat.co.uk/coco-red-plastic-ceiling-light-shade-yellow/lighting//fcp-product/241306

Or this one from Amazon:
http://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/B0053H9F5G/ref=pd_lpo_sbs_dp_ss_2?pf_rd_p=479289247&pf_rd_s=lpo-top-stripe&pf_rd_t=201&pf_rd_i=B006C9WOMA&pf_rd_m=A3P5ROKL5A1OLE&pf_rd_r=0MKCE7E0T462QQ2MBX1P

Any use?

vivatifosi

Regarding lampshades, I saw this one and thought immediately of lir:
http://www.cloudberryliving.co.uk/Uploaded/product-1417-1-eos-00-lo.jpg

I think because it's one of those rare things that matched the delicacy of the dandelion clock ornament I'd once seen that she liked.

lostinrates

vivatifosi wrote: »

Regarding lampshades, I saw this one and thought immediately of lir:
http://www.cloudberryliving.co.uk/Uploaded/product-1417-1-eos-00-lo.jpg

I think because it's one of those rare things that matched the delicacy of the dandelion clock ornament I'd once seen that she liked.

Oooooh......so soft......

Hmmm.....

silvercar

lostinrates wrote: »

I'd ask.

I'd also say ...'.I'd love to meet her, I love how relaxed and happy you sound since you have met her. Would it be possible to meet? '

I did suggest she should come and stay after he went there. I think he thinks I will ask her too many awkward questions. I wouldn't. Promise.;)

When I told DS1 he was amused that DS2 had even told me he had a GF, but then DS1 is very private. He reckons she won't come here because he won't want to discuss sleeping arrangements with me.:o

I'd probably also say 'you know son, its all new to me, how to get this right and I don't know whether I should ask after her or if it puts too much pressure on you......so, if I get it wrong sometime forgive me and know I'm trying!'

I did tell him it was like he was the oldest child breaking new ground.

Spirit_2

lostinrates wrote: »

I would. She's important to your son, so .... Yes.

They probably won't get married, but ......they might. Its their decision. Personally, I'd be treating the relationship with respect, because who knows which relationship with last and which will not? I'd treat them all like keepers tbh.

( especially the ones you dislike)

This ^^^^^^^^

If he had taken up rowing or debating you would ask how that is going...this "hobby" needs the same interest but not more. No asking what her parents do, sizing up the size of the family fortune or social status. That stuff emerges over time.

We have never had a problem with daughter bringing boyfriends home..she has been pleased to introduce them to us...and I think it informs them about her, her values, her environment. Relationship stuff though..totally private.

Be prepared to invite him to 'invite' her to visit when he wishes. Plan for them to choose their own sleeping arrangements and make it easy for them to be the decision takers so no assumptions that they will or will not share a room.

Silvercar the best sharing of experience lesson I can offer:
I was warned about how fond you can become of your off springs long term bf/gf but until we experienced it did not realise how powerful it is , you can, as we did, grow to love them. It is more common than I could imagine. The wife of my ex boss stopped speaking to her son for two years when he ended a relationship with someone she had taken to heart. He has married someone else, she gets on well with her, but 10 years on still sees the ex gf. A former neighbour remarried last year..she invited her sons ex along as his plus one. A friend grew very fond of a girl their son was dating, she ended it, they were sad for him and missed her too. 15 years later he is now divorced form the woman he married, and they continue to express stronger feelings of loss of the girlfriend rather than the wife. A former neighbour who has homes here, in NZ and in France regularly invites her son's ex and her now husband to stay. At new year in NZ, son, the ex and husband wre all there together.

So far 1 x 4 years and loved and missed but no continuing any active communications (he is friends with OH and I on fb), 1 x 9 months (brother of her now ex childhood freind -warning do not date friends sibling and break their heart) liked hugely, 1 x a year ish (OK but he is still around as a pal three years later and we are quite fond of him so he gets invited to family parties/gatherings) 1 x 6 months (older guy hardly saw him no feeling either way, seemed nice enough)

i think what i am trying to convey is that you may have no control over how you feel about gfs, you also have no control over how long it lasts. Your offspring may want you "really like" the girl they love. You may or may not. But when you do "really like" them it can be bl**dy hard when they then vanish into the ether.

lostinrates

silvercar wrote: »

I did suggest she should come and stay after he went there. I think he thinks I will ask her too many awkward questions. I wouldn't. Promise.;)

When I told DS1 he was amused that DS2 had even told me he had a GF, but then DS1 is very private. He reckons she won't come here because he won't want to discuss sleeping arrangements with me.:o



I did tell him it was like he was the oldest child breaking new ground.

Well, its harder I think, mother and sons. But my parents met hardly any of my partners. DH, nasty ex, and met a couple they didn't know were 'partners'. DH was the only one who stayed at home with me.

I think, bearing in mind both boys think it might be awkward it might be worth considering their judgement. Do you or could you visit ds? Take them both to supper somewhere? A shorter meet, on neutral ground, might be more comfortable for all?

Also, if this goes well, ds and other ds might be less 'private' in the future?

silvercar

vivatifosi wrote: »

For whatever reason I totally misread that. Possibly because the reason I was in Watford was to buy new glasses, though on this occasion I looked at, but didn't buy, shades.

Wilkinsons, B&M, Ikea, the big Asda store, I'd try those for cheap light shades. I'd look online first though to see if they have anything suitable. Did you want to take them to your other place, ie needs to fit in a suitcase?

I've seen some nice self assembly ones that you could fit in a case, but they weren't cheap. I think they were Scandinavian. Ah, they were, these ones:
http://www.cloudberryliving.co.uk/normann-copenhagen-norm-69-lamp-shade-880-p.aspx
There are some links to other nice shades on the same page.

Or these from Habitat:
http://www.habitat.co.uk/coco-red-plastic-ceiling-light-shade-yellow/lighting//fcp-product/241306

Or this one from Amazon:
http://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/B0053H9F5G/ref=pd_lpo_sbs_dp_ss_2?pf_rd_p=479289247&pf_rd_s=lpo-top-stripe&pf_rd_t=201&pf_rd_i=B006C9WOMA&pf_rd_m=A3P5ROKL5A1OLE&pf_rd_r=0MKCE7E0T462QQ2MBX1P

Any use?

Love the first one, but £80 maybe steep without seeing it first.

Habitat one comes in the wrong colours. And I never like shades that don't hide the bulb.

Amazon I like and so cheap I would buy... then I read this in a review "Then the problem is to get a light-bulb inside without it touching the plastic and melting or burning it. There is no holder for the bulb, you just have to made a hole in the shade and pass the flex through"

IKEA is where we will end up when we get there no doubt.

PasturesNew

lostinrates wrote: »

Do you or could you visit ds? Take them both to supper somewhere? A shorter meet, on neutral ground, might be more comfortable for all?

Sounds good ... win:win

Less likely to screw it up as there's less pressure...

lostinrates

Spirit wrote: »

This ^^^^^^^^

If he had taken up rowing or debating you would ask how that is going...this "hobby" needs the same interest but not more. No asking what her parents do, sizing up the size of the family fortune or social status. That stuff emerges over time.

We have never had a problem with daughter bringing boyfriends home..she has been pleased to introduce them to us...and I think it informs them about her, her values, her environment. Relationship stuff though..totally private.

Be prepared to invite him to 'invite' her to visit when he wishes. Plan for them to choose their own sleeping arrangements and make it easy for them to be the decision takers so no assumptions that they will or will not share a room.

Silvercar the best sharing of experience lesson I can offer:
I was warned about how fond you can become of your off springs long term bf/gf but until we experienced it did not realise how powerful it is , you can, as we did, grow to love them. It is more common than I could imagine. The wife of my ex boss stopped speaking to her son for two years when he ended a relationship with someone she had taken to heart. He has married someone else, she gets on well with her, but 10 years on still sees the ex gf. A former neighbour remarried last year..she invited her sons ex along as his plus one. A friend grew very fond of a girl their son was dating, she ended it, they were sad for him and missed her too. 15 years later he is now divorced form the woman he married, and they continue to express stronger feelings of loss of the girlfriend rather than the wife. A former neighbour who has homes here, in NZ and in France regularly invites her son's ex and her now husband to stay. At new year in NZ, son, the ex and husband wre all there together.

So far 1 x 4 years and loved and missed but no continuing any active communications (he is friends with OH and I on fb), 1 x 9 months (brother of her now ex childhood freind -warning do not date friends sibling and break their heart) liked hugely, 1 x a year ish (OK but he is still around as a pal three years later and we are quite fond of him so he gets invited to family parties/gatherings) 1 x 6 months (older guy hardly saw him no feeling either way, seemed nice enough)

i think what i am trying to convey is that you may have no control over how you feel about gfs, you also have no control over how long it lasts. Your offspring may want you "really like" the girl they love. You may or may not. But when you do "really like" them it can be bl**dy hard when they then vanish into the ether.

Inversely I have a friend who is a few years younger than me, and a golden child. . His older brothers wife got a hard enough time, but friend and his girl friend considered moving to OZ or nz ( both jobs that are in demand) and then the mother said ...oh that's great, and started looking for houses for her and husband too . Though she is 'charming' no one in the room is under any illusion the girls aren't good enough and no one ever will be. Friends mother LOVES me, and its a bit of a joke because we know its because I was too old for friend ( or him to young for me....). DH got a tiny bit of the 'girlfriend' treatment from her for a while actually.

Its very hard to get it right, I think silver is being incredibly sensible to think about it tbh, I'd me a nightmare if I had sons I think. I think parents like NDG's sound , and you spirit are very special people.

I really wish I had in laws I loved and or felt loved by! While I am pleased things are ok, and I respect them, a genuine warmth that required less work would be wonderful.


Edit : I'd be thrilled if I had any mil though. If she'd been anything like any of the nice women I'd have been overwhelmed with joy.

PasturesNew

silvercar wrote: »

Amazon I like and so cheap I would buy... then I read this in a review "Then the problem is to get a light-bulb inside without it touching the plastic and melting or burning it. There is no holder for the bulb, you just have to made a hole in the shade and pass the flex through"

it's also doomed.... "This 30-piece set lets you assemble one of 15 different lamp models."

Yeah, right .... I bet most end up in the bin before they get to the stage where they can set fire to the house.

There's a video on youtube to construct them https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rskpHlj0DS8