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Nice People Thread Number 11 - A Treasury of Nice People
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Doozergirl glad you have reappeared:).
If there is never any fun then I think that would be true too, however if you are going through a 'fun drought' take heart that it will end.
FWIW you usually post about a pretty full and engaged life...the mile run, Posh frocks and balls, pride in your son and his sport, birthday suppers, lunches out with friends or by canals, holidays and weekends away. That all sounds good.
Thanks. I don't know what to say, for fear of sounding like a princess!
It's more about enjoying something in each day, rather than waiting for tomorrow. It's not okay to live for tomorrow, especially when little progress is made today towards it. I didn't enjoy watching Groundhog Day, I don't want to live it!Everything that is supposed to be in heaven is already here on earth.
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What on earth were they doing with it all day if you delivered it at 11am? It's not difficult to send somebody to find the student and hand over the card, and I would expect them to do that, promptly and certainly in plenty of time for lunch, for any student, even if they didn't have any special needs.
This is very definitely a safeguarding problem in view of Youngest's needs. He is in mainstream education on the assumption that the school will make provision for his needs and not just expect him to be able to do everything everyone else can. An isolated mistake would be one thing, but this is far from isolated, as we all know. If you can possibly summon up the energy for the fight, I think you should complain, in writing, to the school, asking for their response, again in writing, of how they are going to ensure that this kind of unacceptable lack of care does not occur again, and that if you don't get a satisfactory response within 14 days then you will be writing to the LEA. Alternatively just complain to the LEA without warning them, detailing the entire catalogue of failure to make adequate provision for his needs, and send a copy to the school.
It sat in the student support offices all day, where no-one thought to question why youngest didn't pick it up. You would have thought they would have realised that after a parent has brought it in, that it was important and they would need it for lunch and if not picked up at lunchtime, then that student would be going without food and maybe, just maybe, they should chase it up.
I think the issue is that the student support staff are from the former alternative campus and they don't know youngest or his problems and they probably assumed that if he wanted it, he would come and get it just like any 'normal' 16 year old.We made it! All three boys have graduated, it's been hard work but it shows there is a possibility of a chance of normal (ish) life after a diagnosis (or two) of ASD. It's not been the easiest route but I am so glad I ignored everything and everyone and did my own therapies with them.
Eldests' EDS diagnosis 4.5.10, mine 13.1.11 eekk - now having fun and games as a wheelchair user.0 -
It sat in the student support offices all day, where no-one thought to question why youngest didn't pick it up. You would have thought they would have realised that after a parent has brought it in, that it was important and they would need it for lunch and if not picked up at lunchtime, then that student would be going without food and maybe, just maybe, they should chase it up.
I think the issue is that the student support staff are from the former alternative campus and they don't know youngest or his problems and they probably assumed that if he wanted it, he would come and get it just like any 'normal' 16 year old.
How was he supposed to know it was there to be picked up? My son doesn't have an ASD, but if he forgot such a thing, there's no way he'd go randomly to some unknown student support centre on the off chance that I might have realised about it and brought it in. He would just go without food unless somebody told him that it had been brought in and where he needed to go to get it.
It's just not good enough. It's not as though some random member of staff happened not to know about him. The student support staff, of all people, should have access to the special needs register and should use it. So what if they previously worked at the other campus? The school has been integrated now. It is their job to know the special needs of ALL students who have them, and especially the ones whose needs go beyond "just" learning difficulties, and they should have made sure that they did. This is why I think you should be asking for assurances from the school that ALL relevant staff will be provided with the information necessary to ensure that the school is a safe place for him, and, since they've failed so pitifully so far, exactly how they intend to achieve this.
Also, the person to whom you handed over the card should have listened when you said it would need to be handed to him (as I assume you did) and should have passed that message on when they delivered it to student support so that they knew what they had to do with it. Or preferably not given it to student support at all, but looked up his timetable on the computer, worked out where he was and delivered it to him immediately.
That seems to be their constant excuse: "We didn't know. We didn't realise. We assumed he didn't need any special treatment." I might as well tell the police officer that I didn't know I wasn't supposed to go through red traffic lights. If I want to drive a car, it's my business to know. If they want to run a school, it's their business to know, too.Do you know anyone who's bereaved? Point them to https://www.AtaLoss.org which does for bereavement support what MSE does for financial services, providing links to support organisations relevant to the circumstances of the loss & the local area. (Link permitted by forum team)
Tyre performance in the wet deteriorates rapidly below about 3mm tread - change yours when they get dangerous, not just when they are nearly illegal (1.6mm).
Oh, and wear your seatbelt. My kids are only alive because they were wearing theirs when somebody else was driving in wet weather with worn tyres.
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I love your last paragraph, may well use that one tomorrow morning when I go in to talk to them.
What you have just put, that is exactly what I have said, it is their responsibility to know about their students and using the excuse that they didn't know is not good enough.We made it! All three boys have graduated, it's been hard work but it shows there is a possibility of a chance of normal (ish) life after a diagnosis (or two) of ASD. It's not been the easiest route but I am so glad I ignored everything and everyone and did my own therapies with them.
Eldests' EDS diagnosis 4.5.10, mine 13.1.11 eekk - now having fun and games as a wheelchair user.0 -
I love your last paragraph, may well use that one tomorrow morning when I go in to talk to them.
What you have just put, that is exactly what I have said, it is their responsibility to know about their students and using the excuse that they didn't know is not good enough.
Thank you.
Good luck for tomorrow. I'm afraid they won't actually take any notice of you, though. They seem to be cats:
Is there anything you can threaten them with? When I was getting nowhere trying to get the coroner to do anything about LNE's inquest, I finally got some movement by quoting the Coroners' Charter at his office, and saying that I would be making a formal complaint to the local authority if they didn't get their act in gear. I never actually had to make the formal complaint - the threat was enough.
Here's a page about how to complain about a school: https://www.gov.uk/complain-about-school
So don't just go in and tell them what's wrong and what they need to do. Say you've tried that and now you want to make a formal complaint - or that you will make a formal complaint unless they do xyz by abc date. Ask for details of the school's complaints procedure - the website say they have to have one. See if it works. If it doesn't, the website says you can take it to the EFA on the basis that there is a problem with the school's complaints procedure.
ETA Just in case any readers of this thread work out which coroner is hearing LNE's inquest when we get to that point in a few months' time, I would like to make clear that the coroner to whose inactivity I have just referred is not the coroner who has now taken over and will be hearing the inquest.Do you know anyone who's bereaved? Point them to https://www.AtaLoss.org which does for bereavement support what MSE does for financial services, providing links to support organisations relevant to the circumstances of the loss & the local area. (Link permitted by forum team)
Tyre performance in the wet deteriorates rapidly below about 3mm tread - change yours when they get dangerous, not just when they are nearly illegal (1.6mm).
Oh, and wear your seatbelt. My kids are only alive because they were wearing theirs when somebody else was driving in wet weather with worn tyres.0 -
Thank you.
Is there anything you can threaten them with? .
The normal procedure would be phoning up the headmaster/mistress and asking the contact details for the chairman of governors / chairwoman because you want to write a letter...“The ideas of debtor and creditor as to what constitutes a good time never coincide.”
― P.G. Wodehouse, Love Among the Chickens0 -
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We are going to go to a festival that is being held near here in the summer.
I have emailed around to about a dozen friends telling them about a certain act that is on and giving the link to tickets etc.
A few have come back and said they want to go and they will sort out their tickets.
One has come back and asked me to get a couple of tickets for them when I get ours. Fine, happy to do that it is only £70 and they will pay me back...not so fine. Last summer they asked us to cover the cost of an event for them, it was several hundred pounds, and they did not repay it. We thought it a genuine oversight ...a few months ago they said several times..I need to pay you for X. However they never have.
We do treat friends to things without begrudging anything, however on the basis I am writing this it tells me I am not sure about this. I think money is not that tight, but one of the couple (the one we know less well) is extremely careful with their money. What would other NP do?
I'd suggest that perhaps they could get the tickets to repay you for last year. It's perfectly possible to say it nicely.
I'd say something like, "You keep saying you want to pay me back for the Festival of Music. Why don't you just get the group tickets for The Spirit Festival of Loveliness instead? It's much easier than you paying me. I can collect the cash from the others and we'll be in the clear".
It puts the ball in their court and it avoids lying which is generally a good thing. It'll be quite revealing as to how much the friendship is worth to them/OH vs being cheap. That's not to say you cut them off but if they suddenly go cold on the idea then perhaps it's time not to be laying out for tickets for them again.0 -
I'd suggest that perhaps they could get the tickets to repay you for last year. It's perfectly possible to say it nicely.
I'd say something like, "You keep saying you want to pay me back for the Festival of Music. Why don't you just get the group tickets for The Spirit Festival of Loveliness instead? It's much easier than you paying me. I can collect the cash from the others and we'll be in the clear".
It puts the ball in their court and it avoids lying which is generally a good thing. It'll be quite revealing as to how much the friendship is worth to them/OH vs being cheap. That's not to say you cut them off but if they suddenly go cold on the idea then perhaps it's time not to be laying out for tickets for them again.
I like this plan.0 -
Being cheap, and/or tight, is a very different thing to not repaying specific loans. One is honest and one dishonest.0
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