Bitterness

Vicky123

This is a side to Alzheimers that isn't often discussed, when there's been problems in the past and it suddenly becomes so much worse as the elderly parent no longer holds anything back. All the past difficulties become crystal clear and there's no escaping that the child-parent dynamic was never what it should have been and the loyalty and respect to the parent was always misplaced, it's really difficult.
Your lucky that this didn't negatively pave the way for your other relationships, sometimes always putting a parents needs first results in doing the same with everyone and opens the door for abusive relationships.
Victory's earlier post regarding avoiding confrontation is so true, facing difficult situations head on as they happen can avoid a life time of issues further down the line.

This_Year

I went to see my parents a few weeks ago to try and get some answers and hopefully find a resolution to an ongoing dispute.

I found my mother was as nasty and bitter as ever and took the time to attempt to belittle, insult and offend me and my partner even bringing up things that I had said or done when I was a young child to try to justify her offensive behaviour.

In the end I walked out of the house and have decided not to bother again.

System

This_Year wrote: »

I went to see my parents a few weeks ago to try and get some answers and hopefully find a resolution to an ongoing dispute.

I found my mother was as nasty and bitter as ever and took the time to attempt to belittle, insult and offend me and my partner even bringing up things that I had said or done when I was a young child to try to justify her offensive behaviour.

In the end I walked out of the house and have decided not to bother again.

That could describe exactly my circumstances. It is so strange to read other peoples experiences because for a long time I thought I was the only one that lived like this.

DigForVictory

Ah, family.
And the shameful bogey-spectre of mental health fortified & entrenched behind a wall of "we don't talk about it".

Combined with the if we were going to talk about anything sensibly I'd need a time machine.

You are *not* alone!

If you think CBT mught help, see your GP. In fact, see your GP anyway.

And don't stress that others have a different relationship with their parents. We're all unique, and hurrah for it.

Outlive the lady, and love those around you. Count small blessings, like an unexpected daffodil & enjoy them, rather than hammer your head against if-only.

Danni-R

I would say don't get too caught up on what you see others doing. I spend time with my mum and it is a chore but I do it to give my dad some rest.

Alzheimers is a dreadful disease and people forget that although it robs people of their memories it is a ba$tard that reminds them of all the rubbish first so they can be cruel and vindictive. and thats the way it goes.

Once you've made the decision, stick with it. I'm not strong enough to cut ties as I'd want to be there for my dad and worry about the fact that my siblings wont pick up the slack.

This_Year

Walcott wrote: »

That could describe exactly my circumstances. It is so strange to read other peoples experiences because for a long time I thought I was the only one that lived like this.

I'm always surprised how many people have had similar experiences; it's not until you can talk to other people about it that you do realise.

stormbreaker

My mother has not been of the phone in recent days looking to speak to my youngest! She is endeavouring to get him to do small favours for her so she can reward him financially. She has been giving to my eldest (his financial circumstances are completely differant from the youngest) and now feels she needs to make amends to make them the same!

She has never treated them the same.... She has never treated any of her grandchildren the same. The same way she has never treated my siblings and I the same.

Think I am about to burst. Want to scream at her. It takes me all my time to even speak to her never mind be civil.

System

If she didn't treat you and your siblings the same she certainly wouldn't treat her Grandchildren the same.

I remember my Mother giving my eldest son £200 whilst the other kids got nothing.... the fact is she 'liked' my eldest two more. She liked them more because she liked my ex more than my hubby. The Father of my subsequent children.

In a way she did me a favour. It showed how petty and narrow minded she was.

SailorSam

I'm not in the least religious, but i look at these people, particularly Buddhists who seem to be able to forgive so easily, and i think i wish i was like that. Holding onto the feelings against those in the past isn't hurting them. It only makes you feel worse.
I'd have to cut all the strings and try and move on. Well that's what i have done.

seven-day-weekend

It is possible to both forgive AND cut the strings. Forgiving does not mean condoning or pretending that they did nothing wrong (in fact if they had done no wrong there would be nothing to forgive).

Forgiving is letting go of the hurt and negative feelings towards the person and then deciding, from a point of strength rather than weakness, what to do next, which may involve walking away if the relationship is likely to remain toxic.

Good advice in the following link:

http://psychcentral.com/lib/what-is-forgiveness/000965