Awkward brother-in-law

HPoirot

meritaten wrote: »

I probably would in his place! but then I am a bit 'contrary'.

So would I, if I were the "prickly old miser bachelor", on realising that the brother I have decided to leave all my worldly goods to is controlled by an interfering rude wife.

Honestly OP, the fact that your husband is named in a will does not mean that you should take over and start planning the person's incapacity, funeral, etc. A little respect would go a long way here.

poet123

Wow, really a bit presumptuous, and insensitive, imo.

Mojisola

Pinkmat wrote: »

My husband went through hell with his father at the end of his life because of trying to get Power of Attorney when he was failing.
He got very angry because of my apparent interference.

I tried to explain that I was a legal secretary and didn't want him to leave my husband with a nightmare scenario if my brother-in-law should become incapacitated or die suddenly.

I think you're all being a bit hard on Pinkmat. I can understand why she spoke up - although I think it was ill-advised.

Seeing the issue from a professional point of view combined with not wanting to see her husband struggle again with problems which could be avoided has led her to speak up.

Pinkmat - I think you need to back off now. If your husband can raise the issue in the future, talking about how difficult he found things when their Dad was ill, his brother may respond more favourably. If not, support your husband when the time comes. With the knowledge you have from work, you should know your way round all the paperwork.

sassyblue

Mojisola wrote: »

I think you're all being a bit hard on Pinkmat. I can understand why she spoke up - although I think it was ill-advised.

Seeing the issue from a professional point of view combined with not wanting to see her husband struggle again with problems which could be avoided has led her to speak up.

Pinkmat - I think you need to back off now. If your husband can raise the issue in the future, talking about how difficult he found things when their Dad was ill, his brother may respond more favourably. If not, support your husband when the time comes. With the knowledge you have from work, you should know your way round all the paperwork.

I agree. Calling the OP a troll is daft, she may have approached it wrong but she was right to try and get it sorted for her husband.

Though now the BIL has refused your advice OP you'll have to let it go.

mountainofdebt

My mum recently made her will - which formalised everything that would have happened anyway - and I must admit I did wonder about raising the subject of a POA at the time.

In the end I decided that unless my mum raised the subject I would leave it

maman

I've been named as an Executor twice and never been asked to discuss PoA or funerals or anything nor have I brought it up. When I took on the role I decided I'd cross that bridge as and when.


I'm undecided whether OP is a troll but if she's really a legal secretary then she can use her skills to advise her DH when he needs it or her BIL if he asks.

Mojisola

maman wrote: »

I've been named as an Executor twice and never been asked to discuss PoA or funerals or anything nor have I brought it up. When I took on the role I decided I'd cross that bridge as and when.

There's no reason for an executor to also be asked to take on POA but it's rather odd not to discuss funeral arrangements with the executor unless it's all documented in the will.

It's often the executor who arranges the funeral so some guidance should be given even if it's only whether burial or cremation is preferred.

maman

Mojisola wrote: »

There's no reason for an executor to also be asked to take on POA but it's rather odd not to discuss funeral arrangements with the executor unless it's all documented in the will.

It's often the executor who arranges the funeral so some guidance should be given even if it's only whether burial or cremation is preferred.

I don't disagree necessarily but I think what you're suggesting is a bit different from OP sort of forcing the issue with her BIL.

Mojisola

Mojisola wrote: »

I think you're all being a bit hard on Pinkmat. I can understand why she spoke up - although I think it was ill-advised.

maman wrote: »

I don't disagree necessarily but I think what you're suggesting is a bit different from OP sort of forcing the issue with her BIL.

Agree with that.

Pinkmat

Thanks everyone who commented. I'm new to blogging so I have no idea why anyone would call me a troll!
I brought this subject up because of the latest newsletter mentioning the 'difficult question' or the 'difficult talk'. My husband and I have set everything up for our children so that they will have no worries if we die or become incapacitated. Our solicitor advised us that everyone should have an Enduring Power of Attorney and that it causes terrible problems when they don't. My husband is a highly stressed person and nearly had a nervous breakdown dealing with the end of his father's life - with no help from his 3 brothers including the bachelor. HE asked my advice about making a will when he did it. HE chose my husband as his sole beneficiary because we have been kind to him while he has been ignored by the rest of his family. I am in ill health myself and at the same time have to look after my husband's mental health which is often precarious (long story). I am not an interfering old busy body! I don't care who my brother-in-law leaves his money to. If he has a stroke or gets dementia he has no-one in the world to look after him or his affairs. Apart from writing to ME - and only me in his family he is a recluse. He has been in hospital a couple of times and said he hated it in there but objected when I said "Why not go private then?" knowing that he has stashed away a fortune. Of course it's up to him to spend his money how he likes but why complain about things you can do something about? I believe myself that it is irresponsible first not to make a will (and thank goodness he's done that); not to leave your funeral wishes clearly; not to consult your solicitor about the best way to set things up for your old age to give everyone peace of mind. And I do know what he does and doesn't do with regard to his will because he tells me everything in his letters. I wish he didn't - then someone else could deal with it. My husband is the last person who could talk to him. He has Aspergers.