Contracted HIV in "middle age"

*max*

Domayne wrote: »

The current guy is an old guy - we were seeing each other from 2005-2008, then we broke up, started seeing each other again from 2012 as FWB's and his reasoning was that we never used too so did it matter? but in the time that we weren't seeing each other, he had a baby with someone else and I don't know where else he's been? So he refused, I gave in and...after that thought what's the point?

Well his "reasoning" is completely insane. Did it matter? Of course it did! Too late now to do anything about it though, other than getting tested ASAP - which I urge you to do. He sounds a charmer too, btw. :cool:

Mankysteve

thriftyemma wrote: »

The man knew he was HIV+,

he actually properly didn't know. If your HIV viral load is kept down via a correct drug routine then the chances of spreading HIV and very slim, but if he didn't know there was much a greater a chance.

I also believe your right about the Law regarding informing sexual partners, but it should apply to all STDs.

Domayne

Person_one wrote: »

Get tested, asap.

Also, he sounds like a bully, why would he refuse something that's there to keep you safe if he cared about you?

I know I do need too. He's not a bully though - more naive and too trusting himself I think

lostinrates

Nick_C wrote: »

Yes, that's my opinion.

Your view is that you should tell anyone that you have sex with.

So let's suppose you don't know your HIV status, as you have never been tested. You meet someone new and are about to have sex with them. Do you tell them "I think you should know that I don't know my HIV status"? You may have untreated HIV and be highly infectious! Surely they have a right to know that so they know the risk they are taking?

Nick_C wrote: »

My current relationship (14 years yesterday!) and the previous one, we both had HIV tests before deciding not to practice safer sex.

I am in a long term monogamous relationship and we did just this.

Previously in different situations I had regular std testing and with longer term partners asked them to do the same.

I don't get the 'embarrassment ' over the issue tbh. Some of the things one does for fun in sex can, in the cool light of reflection be pretty ridiculously embarrassing ( and deeply enjoyable:D) . Certainly more 'embarrassing' than an adult conversation about health protection. ( fwiw I find none of it embarrassing, just saying that if one is t'other is too)

There are sexual acts I might choose not to perform with someone HIV positive but would consider had a place to in longer term relationships for example. There are some that many consider ' precursors' to serious relationship that carry risk. Education remains vital IMO. People do take risks and do seem to have little knowledge about what puts them at risk of various things, not just HIV. And I include me in that , I had no idea medication could reduce risk of contraction as significantly as mankysteve describes. . Personally, I'd still want to kno
W what I was protecting myself from and make risk evaluation myself and take appropriate measures of safe sex.

peachyprice

Nick_C wrote: »

I expect raising the subject of HIV status during foreplay could be something of a passion killer!

And not raising it could be more than just a passion killer.

MAD_Woman

Posting using my OHs log-in -

I was diagnosed with HIV 5 years ago, and I can vouch for the fact that you CAN lead a perfectly normal life:

- The medications after the initial treatment are one tablet a day with no noticable side effect (this can be different dependent on the regime and if they have a drug resistant strain)

- I get checked every 4 months for Viral load (undetectable for over 4 years now), Immune responce, CD4 (higher than most people run down and stressed out by modern life), and numerous other checks which takes 15 minutes.

- My life expectency is currently statisticly higher than the average male due to this higher level of health monitoring and awareness.

- We engaged in unprotected sex up to the point I was diognosed (which was 4 to 6 months after I Serra Converted - the flu-like symptoms mentioned previously when the virus becomes properly active) and have continued to do so since my Viral Load became Undetectable again. My OH was fully involved and lead this decision and as a safety check she gets tested every 4-6 months. This is as graphic an illustration I can think of for how difficult it actiually is to contract.

- On top of all this I am about to take on a new career which most people would have thought impossible for someone who is HIV+ a few years ago. My new employer is fully aware of my status. It's also worth mentioning that I am very sporty and physically active (commuting 20km+ a day by bike).

As to the comments on here regarding being up front with partners - there is still alot of bad information and stereotyping out there. If someone is HIV+ is it any wonder they may chose not to shout it from the roof-tops to everyone they meet and hope to become intimate with.
Realisticly someone who is diognosed with HIV, is on medication and under regular checks is a vastly lesser risk than someone who isn't and doesn't get regular check ups at an Sexual Health clinic.

To be blunt I would rather be HIV+ than have any of the following conditions: Diabetes, Hepatitis, Heart disease, Cancer even Gout (all of which can be linked to irresponsible lifestyle choices same as HIV)

If you are ever in need of information the NAM Aidsmap website has been invaluable to us in understanding what it means to live with HIV.

Nick_C

peachyprice wrote: »

And not raising it could be more than just a passion killer.

Not if you are practising safer sex !!!!!!, which you should be doing if you don't know someone's HIV status!!!

Person_one

Nick_C wrote: »

Not if you are practising safer sex !!!!!!, which you should be doing if you don't know someone's HIV status!!!

This is part of the problem.

In the eighties, they overdid the fear angle a bit in the public campaigns, resulting in tons of stigma and HIV positive people becoming isolated and subject to discrimination.

Now, people have got complacent because treatment has advanced so much, they think its no big deal and not worth worrying about too much, which isn't exactly the case.

bluebeary

she is of the generation that was bombarded with televisual and media health campaigns about the condition in her youth, the campaigns were pretty to the point and not something you would forget in a hurry even twenty/ thirty years later

C_Mababejive

At my stage of life, i think i would now not have sex with a new partner without a condom. If it got more long term i would suggest we both got checked out. I do know my status as i am/was a long term blood donor so i am as confident as i can be that i am negative for all stuff tested by the NBS. I also just had a round of inoculations for a foreign holiday.