Contracted HIV in "middle age"

Nick_C

C_Mababejive wrote: »

Well thats ok and thats what we are all here for. Free,open and honest discussion,enlightenment and debate. So to clarify, if I as a male found that i had HIV,had luckily been detected early and started a management regime such that i now had an undetectable viral load,your thoughts are that its fine for me to indulge in sexual intercourse,practising safer (not safe) sex,and not bother telling my partner..?

Yes, that's my opinion.

Your view is that you should tell anyone that you have sex with.

So let's suppose you don't know your HIV status, as you have never been tested. You meet someone new and are about to have sex with them. Do you tell them "I think you should know that I don't know my HIV status"? You may have untreated HIV and be highly infectious! Surely they have a right to know that so they know the risk they are taking?

Domayne

When you first start seeing someone, you use protection until you know they are clean...but has anyone insisted their partner be tested before they stop using them? I always feel too embarrassed to ask them to go and get tested and I've never had a guy ask me anything like this - most don't want to use them even when they barely know you!
Kinda makes you scared that the figure of people who don't know what they have could be a lot higher than 25%

*max*

Domayne wrote: »

When you first start seeing someone, you use protection until you know they are clean...but has anyone insisted their partner be tested before they stop using them? I always feel too embarrassed to ask them to go and get tested and I've never had a guy ask me anything like this - most don't want to use them even when they barely know you!
Kinda makes you scared that the figure of people who don't know what they have could be a lot higher than 25%

That has not been my experience at all. I have never met someone who refused to wear a condom, personally (and that's from a decently large pool of people, let's say!)

Domayne

*max* wrote: »

That has not been my experience at all. I have never met someone who refused to wear a condom, personally (and that's from a decently large pool of people, let's say!)

I've never had anyone except the current guy refuse either - but they didn't seem bothered about them to begin with unless I mentioned it.

Person_one

Domayne wrote: »

When you first start seeing someone, you use protection until you know they are clean...but has anyone insisted their partner be tested before they stop using them? I always feel too embarrassed to ask them to go and get tested and I've never had a guy ask me anything like this - most don't want to use them even when they barely know you!
Kinda makes you scared that the figure of people who don't know what they have could be a lot higher than 25%

Yes, and you really must start insisting too! Its not an unreasonable request, it shouldn't be embarrassing.

Person_one

Domayne wrote: »

I've never had anyone except the current guy refuse either - but they didn't seem bothered about them to begin with unless I mentioned it.

The current guy? Please tell me you didn't agree to sleep with him without condoms?

*max*

Domayne wrote: »

I've never had anyone except the current guy refuse either - but they didn't seem bothered about them to begin with unless I mentioned it.

So did you just agree to have sex without a condom with the current guy?

Domayne

Person_one wrote: »

The current guy? Please tell me you didn't agree to sleep with him without condoms?

The current guy is an old guy - we were seeing each other from 2005-2008, then we broke up, started seeing each other again from 2012 as FWB's and his reasoning was that we never used too so did it matter? but in the time that we weren't seeing each other, he had a baby with someone else and I don't know where else he's been? So he refused, I gave in and...after that thought what's the point?

Nick_C

My current relationship (14 years yesterday!) and the previous one, we both had HIV tests before deciding not to practice safer sex.

Person_one

Domayne wrote: »

The current guy is an old guy - we were seeing each other from 2005-2008, then we broke up, started seeing each other again from 2012 as FWB's and his reasoning was that we never used too so did it matter? but in the time that we weren't seeing each other, he had a baby with someone else and I don't know where else he's been? So he refused, I gave in and...after that thought what's the point?

Get tested, asap.

Also, he sounds like a bully, why would he refuse something that's there to keep you safe if he cared about you?