Stressed already.

Kayalana99

Hiya Guys,

I am out of my head with this wedding lark, could this be the first time in history where the man wants the big wedding?

I suggested we got married in the registry office with just parents best man etc and then hire a reception somewhere...he agreed then kept adding people to the list so in the end my sister said it doesn't cost a lot to get married their so we said we would just have around about 50 people (she said £100 I don't know how true that is she tends to make out stuff is cheaper not more expensive! :rotfl:)

Then I suggested registry office again, and hire a hall and maybe even have a bouncy castle and he said that sounds awesome...then he mentioned how he would love a sit down meal somewhere and then went on how he would love to go to a hotel for it.

I think ideally my partner wants a proper wedding with all the extras - where as I am not really to fussed but would like a good party with family and friends after.

We've been looking at one hotel which charges £850 for the wedding package and then charges £25 a head for a 3 course meal and then £10 for the buffet (Not sure if your supposed to have both or pick one? I am pulling my hair out with it)

I did see Martins wedding guide and the only venue near us has been booked for the date I want which is 6th June 2015 on a sat...if I had to say what I wanted most it is the date itself but I've even considered changing that as the first week of june is obvouisly going to be a wanted date...

I have no idea what to do....we actally agreed on one place but you can only hire the room out from 7:30 on wards....which is just stupid because who gets married at 6pm? So it means we would have to hire another place out during the day???

ACKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK

*breaths* Sorry.

Floss

Why not work out how much you can realistically afford to spend on a wedding, and then look at different venues and decide what you both want.

Puma hotels have a variety of deals - we got married at the Imperial in Blackpool in 2010. It cost us £2500 for room for the ceremony, meal & evening do, sit-down meal for 40, photographer, buffet for 60 in evening & DJ.

Kayalana99

I think realistically we could afford about £3-3.5k ...Dad is paying for honey moon and mum is paying for the dress....but I don't really want to be paying that kind of money on a wedding we only moved in last year and we want to sort the garden out, new kitchen new bathroom kind of stuff and 3k wedding on one day .... -___-

OH would happily do it, that does sound quite a nice deal you got their but a bit far out for us.

Thank you for replying I had begin to think this thread would just dwindle down. I just feel over my head with it all, this isn't my thing I wish we had the money to just pay a wedding planner.

minerva_windsong

Absolute cheapest wedding you can have is £119 - £35 each to give notice and £49 for the bog-standard registrar-and-two-witnesses ceremony. So your sister wasn't far out!

How would you feel about maybe having a small ceremony with parents, siblings, best man/bridesmaid etc and then a big party in the evening at the place you like? You could have the ceremony a few hours or even days before - it doesn't have to be on the same day as your reception. Plus an evening party could have its advantages as you only have to feed people once, so you've effectively halved your food bill.

Also have you asked your fiance why he wants the sit-down hotel reception - is it just because it's what he thinks you're 'supposed' to do? Or is it something about not putting on a good do for people (pressure from his family perhaps)? That's not to say there's anything wrong with him wanting the traditional day - if it is what he actually wants - but because he seems to be quite happy with your suggestions I'm just wondering if he thinks it will look bad to other people. Though in my experience most people's attitude is genuinely 'As long as you and OH are happy then do whatever you want'...

Kayalana99

I think it's just the idea of having a proper formal wedding for my OH, his family aren't well off but they like to do expensive things which is fair enough...as familys go mine would be quite happy with a party and alcohol because thats fun for them but OH's side would prefer a sit down meal and a nice chat because that's fun for them.

Don't get me wrong it's not family pressure - but easy to see where our preferences come from. (I think you could say their was family pressure on his side to invite everyone and reason for the hotel is so we don't have to go anywhere on the day which is understandable...)

I would like to keep it on the same day though, it seems a bit to much hassle to have to plan two days even if its the same thing - as for a small reception I did suggest that but as above he kept adding to it and again according to my sister it doesn't actually cost that much to have more people at the wedding (assuming we got married at the registry office ofc which I think is most likey unless we get a package deal)

I've done a list of everyone we would want to come, and the short list is 22 which is bare minimum to the wedding, we'd have to invite more to the evening do.

If you just had the evening do I guess you'd be getting married about 3-4pm?

Fuzzy_Duck

Kayalana99 wrote: »

I have no idea what to do....we actally agreed on one place but you can only hire the room out from 7:30 on wards....which is just stupid because who gets married at 6pm? So it means we would have to hire another place out during the day???

ACKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK

*breaths* Sorry.

I'm hoping to get married at 6pm! I think it has lots of advantages. It's easier for your guests to get there on time (local guests may not even need time off), you only have to feed them one meal, and you don't have to worry about filling the gaps with loads of expensive activities to prevent them getting bored. Seriously, I was way more stressed about it all when I thought I'd have to organise a whole day of wedding stuff, not it's more like a laid back evening party that I can manage.

It sounds like you need to compromise, and the easiest way of doing that is to write down what you want and see what matches. Then concentrate on getting the stuff that's important to you both, and go for cheaper options or totally disregard the stuff you're not overly bothered about.

As your partner wants a traditional wedding, and you want to keep the stress levels down, I think a package would be ideal. You may have to reconsider a few details to make it affordable though. You can get great deals if you get married outside of wedding season on a less popular day.

Kayalana99

Fuzzy_Duck wrote: »

As your partner wants a traditional wedding, and you want to keep the stress levels down, I think a package would be ideal. You may have to reconsider a few details to make it affordable though. You can get great deals if you get married outside of wedding season on a less popular day.

Yes that's what I was thinking about changing the day...it seems like a good option to make things more affordable, a place near us does a small wedding package for £999 and 22 guests but its lovely(forgot to add that is only Sunday-Thursday)...but same time my Mum & dad, nan and grandad were married on 6th June and it just happened to be the date that me and OH met...if it was the 1st of Jan I would of happily got married in winter! :rotfl:

The only other solution is to do it the year after....or this year without a honeymoon as OH wouldn't be able to get the time off.


I shall re think this getting married at 6pm..! I just thought people don't get married at 6pm I didn't even question it... :rotfl:

minerva_windsong

Kayalana99 wrote: »

I think it's just the idea of having a proper formal wedding for my OH, his family aren't well off but they like to do expensive things which is fair enough...as familys go mine would be quite happy with a party and alcohol because thats fun for them but OH's side would prefer a sit down meal and a nice chat because that's fun for them.

Don't get me wrong it's not family pressure - but easy to see where our preferences come from. (I think you could say their was family pressure on his side to invite everyone and reason for the hotel is so we don't have to go anywhere on the day which is understandable...)

I would like to keep it on the same day though, it seems a bit to much hassle to have to plan two days even if its the same thing - as for a small reception I did suggest that but as above he kept adding to it and again according to my sister it doesn't actually cost that much to have more people at the wedding (assuming we got married at the registry office ofc which I think is most likey unless we get a package deal)

I've done a list of everyone we would want to come, and the short list is 22 which is bare minimum to the wedding, we'd have to invite more to the evening do.

If you just had the evening do I guess you'd be getting married about 3-4pm?

Not necessarily. In theory you could have your wedding in the morning or early afternoon, go home for a bit and then the do in the evening. One of the surprising things I've found in planning is that if you're not having a church service the ceremony is surprisingly short - 30 minutes max - so even if you had it at 4 PM you'd still have quite a bit of time before the evening party (presuming you don't have to decorate the venue yourself). However if that's not what you want then that's fine, it's your wedding after all!

And it doesn't necessarily have to be a small reception if that's not what you want, though obviously food etc then becomes more expensive depending how many people you have. But again a buffet can cover this more cheaply than a sit-down meal - or you could perhaps have a hot buffet or a carvery so it feels more like a 'proper' dinner? You could maybe have place cards/a table plan so people know where they're sitting if your OH wants that sit-down element and then afterwards the party and the alcohol. Some places may also have a separate quiet area for people who want a chat away from the party so it might be worth looking into that as well.

Kayalana99

minerva_windsong wrote: »

And it doesn't necessarily have to be a small reception if that's not what you want, though obviously food etc then becomes more expensive depending how many people you have. But again a buffet can cover this more cheaply than a sit-down meal - or you could perhaps have a hot buffet or a carvery so it feels more like a 'proper' dinner? You could maybe have place cards/a table plan so people know where they're sitting if your OH wants that sit-down element and then afterwards the party and the alcohol. Some places may also have a separate quiet area for people who want a chat away from the party so it might be worth looking into that as well.

Something to think about their with the carvery. Perhaps if we got married at the registry office then and hired a 'nice ish' place and then had caters for a carvery I suppose that could be the best of both worlds? :S Although I can see the carvery getting expensive and any nice places usually like to supply their own food at £15-£25 a head... ohh I want to bury myself

Oh fingers crossed this might be a good one...it says £950 for 20 guests on a sit down mean and 50 people for buffet but its 2013 prices...but thats not bad at all really is it? :S
http://www.international-hotel.co.uk/weddings_derby.htm

Strike that I have just looked at their wedding brochere and their seems to be all these extra costs involved... seemed to good to be true!!

tillyenna

Just a suggestion (possibly a really bad one, I don't know your OH) but if you aren't super bothered, and don't fancy planning it - and they are? Why not get them to plan it?

That might get them changing their minds pretty sharpish on what they actually want ;-)

Kayalana99

tillyenna wrote: »

Just a suggestion (possibly a really bad one, I don't know your OH) but if you aren't super bothered, and don't fancy planning it - and they are? Why not get them to plan it?

That might get them changing their minds pretty sharpish on what they actually want ;-)

Because he would put deposits down on everything without thinking about how we are actually going to pay for it. :rotfl:

Oh the horror if I left it to him....

ETA: He really does sit over my shoulder saying ooo lets get that one. Ring them and book that one....erm yes they are only 5k!! ...