Can men get Post Natal Depression?

Toto

Perhaps he doesn't want to admit it to himself he's worried about that, or he doesn't want to worry you with it too. I find men deal with things differently to us, we talk through all of our worries and emotions. Men tend to brood until they can fix things.

Big hugs hon x

henmuffin

Hi, It sounds like your having a hard time. You must have a lot on your plate with a baby, a 6 year old and your husband. Depression is usually diagnosed if there are several symtoms present but of course people are different and don't always have all of them (thankfully! ) These include waking up early in the morning, changes in appetite, feeling of hopelessness, aches and pains, lack of energy etc. If you were really concerned about your husband you could discuss it with his doctor. It would be better to try to speak to your husband and share your feelings and worries. If he knew you were really concerned he may open up. The good news is that depression is a common illness and easily treated. I think you should get some support for yourself. It can be hard managing like that. Some useful organisations are www.apni.org uk or www.rethink.org.uk. You could even have a talk to your health visitor who may be able to suggest local support. Good luck and there is always a hope to make things better :rolleyes:

Snaggles

Thank you for all the help and advice, we have agreed to sit down tonight when both the kids are in bed and have a chat about how we are both feeling and how everything is going. I really hope he will agree to speak to the doctor, as I don't think he can see that how he's acting isn't 'normal' (for want of a better word).

I think if he dealt with his own feelings he would be able to relate better to Ryan and Natasha too - I can cope with him being the way he is with me, because I know what the person underneath is like (lovely, kind hearted, gentle, funny etc), but when I see him being distant with the children, I feel quite angry inside sometimes, because they aren't old enough to understand that this isn't what Daddy is really like, and I worry that it will cause them unhappiness. Does that make sense?

Anyway, we'll see what happens tonight, and I'll let you know. Thanks again xxx

PeachPickle

Hi Snaggles,

Just read this through and tho I can't add anything helpful I just wanted to say I really hope it goes well tonight and he opens up. Even just a little bit would be a start. Good luck x

WestonDave

Combination of impending redundancy and a new baby could be a very tough ask for a bloke.

Redundancy for all we can sometimes make it out to be good (payoff etc) and realistically have a good chance of finding something else, is a big knock to our confidence - someone has in plain black and white words told us we aren't needed anymore. That's even before the nagging "what if I can't get another job before the money runs out" thoughts start flitting through.

Combine that with you being focussed (naturally) on the little one especially if you are BFing and all of a sudden he has (in his mind) no real need to be there! He probably doesn't feel he can push for more of you to help him out of this hole because of the kids. Maybe he has in his own mind concluded that he is so useless its only a matter of time before you decide you don't need him either and so he has begun to distance himself from the kids in readiness for being kicked out - hence the clinging hugs.

Trouble is - for all we want to be new men etc and help in the home we are still cave dwelling hunters at heart and not being able to bring home the "kill", build the fire etc leaves us a bit lost!

It may be the last thing you feel like doing right now but a bit of ego massage may be what is needed here. Maybe a confession (possibly a false one) that you aren't really coping as well as you are making out and that you would value his support. That has to be put across carefully - not a nag for more help around the house but portraying a need for him to be your "team". Possibly a bit of reassurance about the money side of things - debts are going down (?), we've learned to not to waste money, we'll manage and we'll stick together. Finally if there is any kind of project you can get him doing so he can feel its his contribution to family life then that might also help kickstart him - don't know what his interests are or your garden but what about maybe growing some veg - would help with the budget, give him back his provider role and maybe something he can do with the older child.

Don't know if this is actually helpful or just babble but hope you manage to make some progress.

Snaggles

No, it's not just babble lol...it's useful to hear the man's side of it. I have wondered if it's because he doesn't feel needed, so maybe I do need to appeal to his inner caveman, and make him feel more like the provider and protector.

After I had Ryan I was a complete mess (mind AND body) and relied on him for everything, emotional and physical support (I couldn't walk unaided for months). So he could see that he had a huge and important role to play.

This time I waltzed into the delivery room (well, not literally), and waltzed back out again 30 minutes later, baby in arms, big grin on my face, with just a couple of stitches. And I suppose I must be a more confident Mum this time too, as I've done it all before (although somehow I still feel as though I haven't a clue what I'm doing...).

So maybe he can't see so clearly that I still need him, just in a different, less obvious way this time.

There's a lot of things to think about, but I feel like I have a clearer idea of how to tackle things now.

Counting_Pennies_2

Good luck tonight.

Remember he may well take offence to whatever you bring up, so stay calm, suggest a time out if it gets out of hand, and say you'll come back to speak again when you are both calmer.

Don't take everything that is blurted out as 100% personal there will no doubt be harsh words said as it will probably be very raw.

Good luck

Gingham_Ribbon

If he can step up to it like he did after your first this is definitely worth fighting for. But he's got to start talking. It's early but is there anyone who could look after the children for an hour or two so you can go for a walk together now and again? Asking and pushing for answers is probably not a good idea but working to create room for proper talk might help?

I hope it all works out for you. You must be exhausted.

Eels100

Just want to offer you a big :grouphug:
I can imagine the weeks after giving birth (and especially while facing a redundancy) are hard on any family, but you're doing really well to cope and hold things together. Maybe your OH needs some ego-boosting and encouragement to get him rolling. Whatever's the cause, I hope you're both feeling better soon.

findingmyownway

i dont have any advice, but i wish you all the best!