Student, pregnant, sinking and in need of help :( *update*

ABetterLife

anotheruser wrote: »

But is it fair to bring a baby into the world when you have no real way to support it? It seems you can't even support yourself at the moment

No real way to support 'it' (she's not an it, thanks, she's a she)? I am not completely broke. I am in the process of starting a career. I may need a bit of help now, but that help is going to be returned back to this country, considering I will be in breaking my back in hospital possibly nursing you or delivering your future baby.

Like I said, I never wanted an abortion and I wasn't about to put myself through one just because of possible financial issues. In fact, if I wasn't made homeless, I wouldn't be having any financial issues right now. This is temporary situation, her life is permanent and it was never mine to take.

Don't take one post of mine and make assumptions. I have been supporting myself fine up until things got a little tough, thanks. I still have a roof over my head. I still have food and drink in my kitchen. I still have a working phone line to the outside world. I still have means to travel. I have a little bit of debt and ran into some trouble because of not being at work for a month. If I 'wasn't supporting myself' I would be starving on the street or getting supported by someone else, wouldn't I?

You need to get some real help, not from some internet forum.

What kind of help are you trying to insinuate? :huh: people have given me very valid ideas/practical advice which enables me to HELP MYSELF.

If you don't want to be judged, don't post.
People WILL judge on the information you give, your writing style and even username - a common and sad way society is these days.

Just because people can, it doesn't make it right and it doesn't mean I have to take it passively lying down.

I'd be interested why you think a baby needs it's own drawers when the parent is struggling to pay even the basic of bills.

Hmm, maybe because I need storage space. You clearly don't have any children or you'd realise that with children come a lot of stuff. I would have not been able to fit all of her disposable nappies, washable nappies, wipes, newborn clothes, 3-6 month old clothes, 6-9 month clothes, 1+ year clothes, breast pads, maternity towels, creams/washing stuff, my nice clothes, my indoor clothes, my bags and my shoes in one wardrobe. She needs her own chest of drawers because she's her own person, with her own stuff. Half my wardrobe is full of her stuff as it is.

Her chest of drawers cost me £85 and have lots of space. Hardly breaking the bank. Like I said, I wasn't struggling to pay the bills before.

Perhaps you do not see yourself as a "kid" but young 20 year olds certainly (on the whole) do not act like mature adults. The amount of car crashes, binge drinkers and such is a testament to this.
I am not saying you are one of them, but I did the most/fastest growing up from when I was 18/19 until about 23ish.

What exactly is your point? I am not you or any other person. I am me, with my own set of experiences, ideas and brain. It's funny how people will constantly make assumptions and tell young people how stupid/immature/etc they are but, yet, if a 30 year old does the same thing, nobody goes on about their age? I work with people mainly older than me and always have, believe me, most of them were more petty, childish, rude and selfish than I have ever been. I do not claim to know it all and I am growing, learning and maturing every day but that does not mean I am an idiot because I happened to be born in 1993. That means do not patronise me. My financial mistakes arose through lack of experience with budgeting/living alone/real world experience of the price of things such as gas/electric, not because I am 20 years old. Considering I have never been a binge drinker, party person and drove dangerously (and yes, I have a license), and have instead spent the last 4 years working and studying, I'd appreciate it if you didn't lump me in a category with others. Thanks.

But the father had left you, and you were in the middle trimester stages of the pregnancy yes? Not exactly the wisest time to get out new contracts for things that aren't REALLY needed. But as you say, you can't turn back time so just remember for future learning.

I don't need to be told time and time again. Her father has never given me money, so him leaving me is irrelevant. I had a disposable income before, even while pregnant.

Being self-sufficient isn't what you were when you paid rent to your parents.
Doing what you are sort of doing now is being self-sufficient... not relying on anyone else but yourself to survive.

I was implying that, although I lived with my parents and paid rent to them, I was somewhat self sufficient as:

A) there was an expectation that I always pay it and on time.

I paid for my own food

C) I paid for my own travel

D) I was never given money. If I needed/wanted something, I had to pay for it.

I was never claiming to be fully self sufficient, but unless somebody is giving you money for everything and you are not having to pay for anything yourself, you are partially self sufficient.

I am not being 'sort of' self sufficient now. I am 100% responsible for every single bill and expense with no regular help, and very few opportunities to bail me out. That is what I call self sufficiency.

I don't need you to explain the meaning of self sufficiency lol.

You don't have to be a Christian to get help from the church. A local one near me had a house for people just like you, which was bill free to help people get themselves on their feet. You don't have to become a member, say you believe in God, sing or even pray. But make time to go and see some as they may also know of other places that people here haven't thought of. They will be local too.

Living with your dad would be a much better move as it's been proven in the past that living alone costs far more than as part of a household.

Assumptions again. My Father and I have not seen each other since my Nana's funeral two years ago and, before that, we hadn't seen each other since I was 12 years old and he dumped me at my Mother's after a extremely traumatic event. There is years of very painful history there with him and we have a relationship that is very arm's length and distant. So, no, I could not have lived with him. It was not an option at all.


Hardly :P While we are not dissimilar in age, you are certainly not from my generation but that of the one below, which I do pity as much of what has happened isn't directly your fault.
However I haven't noticed a real rise in costs in the last 10 years or so. Perhaps only in gas/electric (maybe +£300 over the 10 years) and petrol.

The fact that my travelcard has gone up by £4 this year, and I received a letter this morning telling me my rent is going up next month by £8 tells me a lot. These may not be huge amounts but guess what? My bursary and my wages didn't go up one iota this year, and they probably won't next year, but both these things will.

I wasn't really referring to a rise in costs anyway, I was referring to the general cost of living. It is expensive, especially in London.

I realise you have a lot of support here, I am surprised nobody has called troll, but I am certainly on the other side of the fence.

Yes, I'm a troll with very detailed and concise information, who takes the time to reply to everyone and provide actual answers :huh:

Do you think I stole the picture of my daughter too? Should I provide a 'proof' video showing my pregnant belly, the crappy flat and my documents showing my income and student status? :rotfl::rotfl:

Too many kids these days have children because they want a baby, without actually fully going through the processes of what having a baby means. Parents are all too helpful to be grandparents so the kids can still go out and party.... not exactly the best skills for being a parent.

A kid having a baby?! Disgusting. Lucky I'm not a kid then.

Yes, because I thought "yay, now I will have a baby to cuddle, and love me, and dress up, and show off, and I can hand her to someone else when I'm bored and go out with my friends and then come back home at 2am"

Just because you have this stereotype in your head, please don't apply it to me. I would never dream of dumping my daughter on anyone. I thought long and hard about how I would work my career and life around having my daughter when I found out I was pregnant. I have never been the type of person to party, and especially not when I have a baby to look after. I am very much into attachment parenting and will be having my baby close to me at all times, being taught, loved and interacted with. I am going to take her to educational outings, museums, sports and groups. I gave up smoking as soon as I found out about her and intend never to start again as I don't agree with smoking around children and don't want to when I have a child.

So, please, I beg of you, do NOT compare me to those selfish young mothers who get pregnant and don't bother to change any of their bad habits, and have no interest in their child.

I am a MOTHER who is going to MOTHER, I am not just a vessel for this child.

As I have nothing more to offer, I probably won't be replying but good luck to you and seriously - look at church, not just one.

To be honest, you didn't have anything to offer in the first place. Good riddance.

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~Chameleon~

ABetterLife wrote: »

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Wonderful post :T :T :T

You're the same age as my son and seem to have the same sensible head on your shoulders. I know you will get past this with a little help and guidance and will be a fantastic mother. But even more importantly, you will become an excellent midwife because of your experiences.

Ignore that idiot you replied to, although you did it in a fantastically eloquent manner

I wish you and your soon-to-be daughter all the very best of luck and would love it if you decided to have a daily blog type thread to let us know how you get on. I love following real life people's lives :A xx

marywooyeah

op I haven't been able to read the whole thread but your dedication to your child is just breathtaking, I think you're doing amazingly well and you should be so proud

It's completely possible tto have a baby at uni and I'm glad to hear you're getting support from your uni, you sound like you have your head screwed on trying to sort your bills and you're on the right track

Have you thought about joiming the pregnancy thread on here? Its on the moneysaving in families board and it's called Pregnancy club 28, come say hi, we're a friendly bunch and can hopefully help you enjoy the rest of the pregnancy! Xxx

ABetterLife

~Chameleon~ wrote: »

Wonderful post :T :T :T
You're the same age as my son and seem to have the same sensible head on your shoulders. I know you will get past this with a little help and guidance and will be a fantastic mother. But even more importantly, you will become an excellent midwife because of your experiences.

Ignore that idiot you replied to, although you did it in a fantastically eloquent manner

I wish you and your soon-to-be daughter all the very best of luck and would love it if you decided to have a daily blog type thread to let us know how you get on. I love following real life people's lives :A xx

Thank you so much! Maybe I could ask the Mods to move this to somewhere you're allowed to have daily blogs and make this my daily life thread?

ABetterLife

marywooyeah wrote: »

op I haven't been able to read the whole thread but your dedication to your child is just breathtaking, I think you're doing amazingly well and you should be so proud

It's completely possible tto have a baby at uni and I'm glad to hear you're getting support from your uni, you sound like you have your head screwed on trying to sort your bills and you're on the right track

Have you thought about joiming the pregnancy thread on here? Its on the moneysaving in families board and it's called Pregnancy club 28, come say hi, we're a friendly bunch and can hopefully help you enjoy the rest of the pregnancy! Xxx

Thank you so much!

I'll go have a look and join, thank you

ABetterLife

Just started comping so addictive! Hopefully I can start winning stuff.

EvaCustard

OP - Just wanted to say good on you - you are determined and can do it.

Your situation is so similar to my mother's - she was 21 and a student nurse when she got pregnant by my erm, don't want to really call him father but you know what I mean. Her mother also didn't support her (think Catholic Ireland - shock horror at sex before marriage!)

Anyway - fast forward 37 (Jesus, I'm old!!) years and my mother is qualified as a Psych Nurse, has gone on to do a Masters and a a further degree. She married my Dad - had 2 more children and dare I say it, has lived happily ever after.

Loads of people have given you great advice on this thread and I don't really have anything to add to that - I just wanted to tell you that what you want is possible - although I think you already know that.

Archi_Bald

ABetterLife wrote: »

Just started comping so addictive! Hopefully I can start winning stuff.

You could waste a heck of a lot of time giving your data to all sorts of marketing outfits that will at best bombard you with lots of garbage, and at worst sell your data to even worse outifts.

If you are determined making a few extra bob, have a look at the Matched Betting board, and very specifically the sticky on there. Don't be put off by the word "betting" because Matched Betting is not about gambling. It is just a simple way of making guaranteed profit from introductory offers.

Matched Betting is the most profitable board of all of MSE by a country mile though you need to invest some of your time to get your head round how it works. It is very simple though.

Lina_T

I started comping in early Feb and have won loads of stuff (See my signature) I do enter loads though. Biggest bits so far being a 2 night stay in the Lake District and £500 clothes vouchers. :j There's loads of competitions for baby stuff too.

Not had any nuisance calls or junk mail as of yet but early days I guess.

SiannieLaz

Hi BetterLife,
Have read yr thread and good for you! I'm a single mum and have been since the beginning, my DD is now 21 mths and we are managing really well and I have no doubt you will be a fantastic mum and a wonderful example to your daughter xx
I'm also planning on training to be a nurse, I was going to start a few years ago, but my dd turned up (unexpectedly!) so I decided to put training off until she was a bit older. I rent privately in an expensive area, and am currently working 30 hrs a week as a HCA, hopefully I will manage to secure sponsorship for my degree which will make life much easier.
I would definitely get down to your local SureStart centre, they are able to provide huge amounts of advice and contacts. I have got loads of baby stuff from facebook groups, and have spent very little on dd, yet my flat is full of toys and clothes for her!! I get nappies & wipes from Ald* and they are just as good as more expensive, branded products. I've always batch cooked for dd and myself, Jack Monroe's blog is brilliant and there are links on there to other sites that can help.
Please, Please ignore anyone that makes comments about your age. My life was a complete shambles, through my own actions, until I took myself in hand aged 36. I had well paid jobs, yet owed thousands and was a complete mess in every respect. It took a lot of soulsearching and effort for me to become the ADULT I am now, and being a first time mum at nearly 40 years old is no less scary than being 20 years old.
Give yourself a pat on the back and remember to give all those haters a kick up the ars*!!!!!!!!