Depression Support Thread

shazrobo

Miroslav wrote: »

If any of the previous posts make no sense.............ahhhhh, sod it

I'm in pain, very tired, yet I have visitors later, so won't get no sleep til about midday! So if I appear more random than usual...

Life's a treat with Shaun the Sheep

I've had a helluva week. I've been really moody, angry and just plain damn annoyed.

Everything and everyone has annoyed me, even more than before. People phoning, asking me for things, expecting things and they never give anything in return the ungrateful self centered little swines. :mad:

I've been house cleaning and everytime I clean - It just gets dirty again in seconds - if it's not perfect i'm not happy and it's never close to being perfect, so i'm never happy!

I just look at my life and think of the ones i've lost - my partner & my daughter, the people who never cared for me - my family, the people who expect too much of me - family, flatmate and job brokers. People who are trying to get rid of me - counsellors, GP's, dentists etc etc and it all makes me wonder - am I on this earth just to suffer?

I look at my life and all the things that have happened - and there are 4 or 5 things I wouldn't wish on anyone - and I really think that maybe i'm one of the ones that has to suffer to balance things out for the successful.

I know it's not all my fault, but I feel ashamed of who I am - or more of what my life has been, what I look like, what I haven't achieved, how unloveable I am, how my future seems so pointless.

I was taught that when I grew up, it was what was on the inside that counts....so why I am I so helpful, caring, giving, polite etc etc yet I don't get it in return? Why has only 1 person I have met ever cared for me? Why am I so abnormal to everyone else?

I've always been told that alot of people need love, yet why does everyone I meet seem 'sorted'? (and self-centred, shallow and greedy)

I'm always overlooked, never good enough or last year I was 'too good' - I don't fit in anywhere!

Am I expecting too much? (Someone with morals who wants to be cared for and is willing to care back) or am I not giving enough (I have baggage, debts and no job)

Do I view the world wrong? Is the world as bad a place as i've experienced? Will I ever meet someone to care for me again?

Blah!

Always best to write when you're tired, unwell and down right angry!

Have a nice day all

:wave:

miro, is there any possibility of seeing a different dentist, i had an absess earlier this year, which kept coming back, after weeks of antibiotics, in the end i asked for the tooth pulling out, which dentist agreed to and i've had no problems since.
the world id a cruel place, as you know and you are not alone in finding it hard to find someone to love and care about you, as you deserve.
I married the love of my life when i found out i was expecting my twin sons. the marriage broke up when the lads were 3 months old, he was violent towards me, which stupidly i thought he would change, he broke one of sons arms at three months old, so i left there and then, I put my efforts into bringing up my sons alone, it was very tough, especially as they both hve disabilities. stayed single for nine years, then had a two year relationship with a guy who was ok, but he wanted me to himself, and suggested putting sons into care? so broke up with him. in jan i met my current exbf, he was my best friend sometimes, we laughed and joked, but he stopped me having contact with other friends, and became emotionally abusive, so i broke with him too. now i have no one and i'm so lonely and isolated, find it hard to go out and meet people. xmas will just be me and sons.
your posts have made me think, and i'm deffinatly going to try and be a new shaz for 2008, just as you are going to become the new miro for 2008, i wish us both lots of luck.
big hugs
shaz x

shazrobo

rose07 wrote: »

too true shaz

how r u feelin atm?

i hope you are managin to enjoy this christmas time with your kids, will be a good time to be close and get together, guess thats what christmas is all about, not quite so for me tho, tho will explain that soon too, :rotfl:

are you feelin ok now bout ya exbf? im sure you will feel its the right thing in the long run hun

big hugs

xxx

hi rose, good to see you post again, how are you today hun?
life can be a bit of a rollercoater at times, and i hope whatever is troubling you is resolved very soon.
putting on my brave face in front of kids, trying to keep everything normal for kids, but as soon as they are in bed i cry so much, i miss my ex, he was my best friend, at least sometimes.
enjoy your driving lesson, hope roads arn't too slippery as they are icy here.
big hugs
shaz x

shazrobo

big hugs tiff, you have been through so much, i don't know if i would have survived all the things that you have been through, and your still here and helping others, you are an inspiration.
11 years is really not a long time, to get over something as serious as you've been through, and as said, you will never forget it.
i lost my grandad in dec 1991, and 16 years on, i still cry and feel even more down than usual, which is hard especially as everybody expects you to be happy at this time of year.
i have a dec birthday too, mine is two days before yours.
hope you saved me a smartie or two;)
big hugs
shaz x

Tulip

:hello: Everyone,

Hope you are all ok,I am fine today I have got my parents coming to see me in an hour so that will be nice

Miro,yes Maggie was in casualty last saturday A pity you missed her in it though

Gillette congratulations on your pay rise


*hugs* to everyone that needs one


love and light,

Katie xxx

shazrobo

told exbf that i wanted a fresh start for me and kids next year, and asked for my key back and kids toys that were at his house. he came gave me back said items, then as i gave him his clothes etc from here, he gave us a bag full of xmas presents, saying that he loves me so much and always will etc. told me when i had got my head sorted to contact him, and we could still make it work. in one way i am relieved to have key back, and to not see him over xmas on the other hand i'm hurting real bad again, and feeling so confused. how can somebody who says they love me hurt me so much, always implying that everythings my fault, all in my head cos i'm depressed.
am i expecting too much? is it all my fault? i'm so confused and cant stop cryin.
hope everyone else is having a better day
big hugs
shaz x

BigMummaF

Hope I catch you Tiff....your likkle loight is on!

Tulip

:hello: Everyone,


I had a good day today,went out and got a newspaper,then had dinner and a flapjack then I got some magazines,had a bath as I felt so cold then I went out for a while

I am now watching The Westlife Show followed by the X Factor live Final so I wont be on until later as I am also watching Casualty


chat later as now going back to watch Westlife


*hugs*


love and light,

Katie xxx

antronella

shazrobo wrote: »

told exbf that i wanted a fresh start for me and kids next year, and asked for my key back and kids toys that were at his house. he came gave me back said items, then as i gave him his clothes etc from here, he gave us a bag full of xmas presents, saying that he loves me so much and always will etc. told me when i had got my head sorted to contact him, and we could still make it work. in one way i am relieved to have key back, and to not see him over xmas on the other hand i'm hurting real bad again, and feeling so confused. how can somebody who says they love me hurt me so much, always implying that everythings my fault, all in my head cos i'm depressed.
am i expecting too much? is it all my fault? i'm so confused and cant stop cryin.
hope everyone else is having a better day
big hugs
shaz x

Shaz, as I think I said, I split up with my husband after over 20years very recently. he too loves me.. and I don't doubt that ( I love him too, but not as I did) BUT... I wasn't happy for a lot of the time we were together. I really try to remember those times when I'm feeling low and alone, because if I went back I would be back to square 1 in no time. I think its the same for you...of course there were good times, there were for me too, but I think you know that he wouldn't change (as I know my husband wouldn't) i'm struggling with money, I'm lonely and I'm not seeing my kids xmas day...but I still think I have made the right decision. It will get easier, please give yourself the time to mourn what you've lost, but remember why you made the decision..it wasn't taken lightly.

shazrobo

antronella wrote: »

Shaz, as I think I said, I split up with my husband after over 20years very recently. he too loves me.. and I don't doubt that ( I love him too, but not as I did) BUT... I wasn't happy for a lot of the time we were together. I really try to remember those times when I'm feeling low and alone, because if I went back I would be back to square 1 in no time. I think its the same for you...of course there were good times, there were for me too, but I think you know that he wouldn't change (as I know my husband wouldn't) i'm struggling with money, I'm lonely and I'm not seeing my kids xmas day...but I still think I have made the right decision. It will get easier, please give yourself the time to mourn what you've lost, but remember why you made the decision..it wasn't taken lightly.

thanks for the support antronella, helps to know that i'm not the only one suffering from this, loving somebody but not being happy with them. just so raw at the minute, like today seeing him and getting my things back, and he still blames me.
my heart goes out to you not seeing your kids on xmas day, that must be so very hard to bear, how old are they? i know for a fact if it wasnt for my sons i wouldnt be celebrating xmas at all this year
big hugs
shaz x

antronella

They are 18 and 20, but they're still my babies LOL...Didn't want them to feel torn on the day, so i made the decision that they would come here boxing day. it is going to be absolutely horrible not having them with me. Just want this year over..first time I've ever looked forward to a new year x