Depression Support Thread

Miroslav

ilovegreatdanes wrote: »

hi guys,
had to go to docs this morn, emergency........just when i thought the abcess was as big as it was gonna get....o and behold!!!!now i look like ive done 10 rounds with ricky hatton without the las vegas hol!!!!!
got some antibiotics and strong painkillers and had to pay nearly £14 for the privilege.i really must look into moving to welsh wales cos they are free there!!
thats what really riles me.......they say we all live in the uk, then they all have different laws in scotland and wales to get loads of stuff free, then england pays towards them, so we pay twice.i say , one rule for us all or bring in the devolusion.
ill just get down off me soap box now!!!!
cant stay long as, tbh, i feel like cr*p today....and i can only see out of one eye.....so have pinched some of qwbs hugs and am gonna try to have a nap, cos havent been sleeping too good with the toothache and the abcess.
never mind....these things are sent to try me...
ttfn, take care all.
love ilgd xx

I know it's no consolation, but I have one too - it's been coming and going for a couple of years and the dentist won't do anything - because I am non fee paying NHS - how bad is that? First time it's hurt in 6 months nearly but really annoying me tonight! Luckily I have some tablets left over to try and help it!

Hope you are getting better since you posted!

Miroslav

CCStar wrote: »

I am so fed up

My husband has a really horrible female boss and is considering looking for another job. It has triggered some of my past issues with bosses which is why I gave up work and worry I will get bullied again.

I try to keep upbeat but as soon as he comes home, he brings me down. I want to keep happy so it doesn't bring him down but it brings me down too much. There seems to be a pattern, that when I feel OK, his presence makes me feel like there is a mountain to climb from a depressed state. I am wondering if a lot of my depression stems from him. I know he has work problems but it has been this way for a long time, even when his work life was happy. I have told him how I feel but not sure if anything will change. He goes into a silence/sulk and creates the worst atmosphere. I had terrible trouble eating tea tonight and have a dreadful stomachache.

I have been too scared to leave him, as working frightens me, in case I get bullied like I was before, plus I had a child and bad childcare, so was trapped.

I don't have anyone I can talk to about this and I don't trust anyone, I have been hurt by so called friends. People either want me in a fun mode or not interested.

My mother would see this as a way to try and get me to live closer to her and the last time I lived near her, I felt like a child and got no peace.

It seems a dark winter as well. I keep trying to keep my spirits up with Christmas and the nice things about this time of year but when I am with a party pooper, it is hard to keep happy. I feel I can't help him cope as he brings me down too easily.

I know the feeling.

People also can't believe you have feelings and you have to live around their moods? I'd guess at that is the case.

People shouldn't put so much pressure and reliance on others. You have every right to be a tad annoyed!

Miroslav

ilovegreatdanes wrote: »

hi guys,
thanks for all your best wishes.qwb.....er.....thank you for your quite graphic abcess a/c and im just glad i dont have a dentist like yours!!!!!!everytime i get one, mine says to take antibioctics til its gone down then they will treat it.the down side is that when i go itll cost £189 which i aint got, so am trying to hang on till after the may hol......or the lottery win, whichever comes first.
take care all,
love ilgd xx

Is your dentist NHS or private? NHS dentists are a pain in the erm.......teeth.

Won't do what I want to rectify the issues caused by last NHS dentist who bodged my teeth up because I am non fee paying and anti-biotics will have to do until I can afford something.

Makes me angry - for many years I paid my taxes, NI etc etc and paid my fees for dentists etc and when I need help - nothing - sod off Mr Miro :mad: You're in pain? Take painkillers Mr Miro :mad: Some of the dentists look at me as an unemployed piece of excrement, I can just tell. They will also only do 1 filling every 4 months because they get the same fee for 1 filling or 3 fillings, so by doing one every 4 months, it starts a new cycle, thus can charge again.

NHS makes me mad - GP's won't treat me for anything as when I have something wrong, it's "You suffer from depression yes?" - well, that's me being taken serious out of the question.

Stupid idiots :mad:

Rant over

Miroslav

shazrobo wrote: »

have already told him i dont want him around at xmas, i need to stay as happy as i possibly can be whilst still feeling lonely, cos i got 2 sons who need me there at xmas.
exbf talking bout us making new start in new year, i'm thinking new start for me, poss join gym, or find some other hobby to help me make new friends, and stop me from being as lonely.
saw my gp this afternoon, who noticed that i was less sad than i usually am, and asked what had happened in last week since i saw him, told him bout splitting up with ex, and also told gp bout thinkin bout going back to him, gp's reply was give it a lot of time and thought before considering it, as he knows the pain my exbf has caused.
shaz x

Just you and your two boys for Christmas?

Any guests/visits to be made?

Miroslav

shazrobo wrote: »

i'm thinking more of losing the close friendship, having sombody to go shopping with, days out etc rather than any other side of the relationship
shaz x

The most important side. Someone to confide in, trust in and just generally bounce off.

End 2007 and start 2008 as a new Shaz!

I intend to (as Miro, not Shaz!)

Last year new years eve, I was involved in a 5 1/2 hour relationship (I'd known her longer), only to be told 3.30am New Years Morning, that I was too good for her! She hadn't been drinking and she was very odd, but......I hope the end of 2007/beginning of 2008 is better than 12 months ago

Miroslav

If any of the previous posts make no sense.............ahhhhh, sod it

I'm in pain, very tired, yet I have visitors later, so won't get no sleep til about midday! So if I appear more random than usual...

Life's a treat with Shaun the Sheep

I've had a helluva week. I've been really moody, angry and just plain damn annoyed.

Everything and everyone has annoyed me, even more than before. People phoning, asking me for things, expecting things and they never give anything in return the ungrateful self centered little swines. :mad:

I've been house cleaning and everytime I clean - It just gets dirty again in seconds - if it's not perfect i'm not happy and it's never close to being perfect, so i'm never happy!

I just look at my life and think of the ones i've lost - my partner & my daughter, the people who never cared for me - my family, the people who expect too much of me - family, flatmate and job brokers. People who are trying to get rid of me - counsellors, GP's, dentists etc etc and it all makes me wonder - am I on this earth just to suffer?

I look at my life and all the things that have happened - and there are 4 or 5 things I wouldn't wish on anyone - and I really think that maybe i'm one of the ones that has to suffer to balance things out for the successful.

I know it's not all my fault, but I feel ashamed of who I am - or more of what my life has been, what I look like, what I haven't achieved, how unloveable I am, how my future seems so pointless.

I was taught that when I grew up, it was what was on the inside that counts....so why I am I so helpful, caring, giving, polite etc etc yet I don't get it in return? Why has only 1 person I have met ever cared for me? Why am I so abnormal to everyone else?

I've always been told that alot of people need love, yet why does everyone I meet seem 'sorted'? (and self-centred, shallow and greedy)

I'm always overlooked, never good enough or last year I was 'too good' - I don't fit in anywhere!

Am I expecting too much? (Someone with morals who wants to be cared for and is willing to care back) or am I not giving enough (I have baggage, debts and no job)

Do I view the world wrong? Is the world as bad a place as i've experienced? Will I ever meet someone to care for me again?

Blah!

Always best to write when you're tired, unwell and down right angry!

Have a nice day all

:wave:

Miroslav

Someone has come to test me today, they really have. :rolleyes:

Visitors due so.........cats playing up as usual. I sort out their litter trays and when I got back from the bins.......a mark right across the beige carpet :mad: Looks like a wipe of the bum mark from a naughty cat. :mad:

Piece of advice - have cats? Don't buy anything white or beige! Flatmate won't listen - when she gets up, she will listen....maybe

I dunnae like Caturday's anymore

Tiff Tiff, save me Tiff from Caturday hell

Sod it, i'm miserable and at the limit so i'm gonna be silly

A little bit rounder these days, but.......

The king of Christmas tunes

Tiff_2

Hi miro!:hello:
You bellowed sir?!

What are you doing up so early? I've been up since 5 a.m. and saw your light on. I knew I'd cat-ch you one of these mornings!

Good news miro...



and not only that...




And don't go blaming pusscats for your carpet stains - it was flatmate!!!

Much Love,
Tiff xxx

Miroslav

:wave: Tiff

Miro isn't well That's why Miro is up

Flatmate made stain on carpet? Wouldn't surprise me - she's done everything else filthy in the book :eek:

Tiff_2

Hi guys!:hello:
...Think I scared miro off - his light went out after I'd posted.

How is everyone?

I send many Tiff apologies for going AWOL guys, but it's been a very hard week for the Tiffster. Not only did I have a hard time managing because my support worker who goes shopping with me, has gone on long-term sick leave, (see? First I broke my psychiatrist and had to have a new one a month ago and now I've broken a support worker too! ), but my cpn has been off sick all week too!!! Thankfully it's 'just' a bad cold and he'll be back Monday.

I had a bit of fallout hit me hard this week at unexpected times, over grieving for my Dad - everything seemed to remind me of him, I even cried because there was a passing resemblance to Jack Duckworth!

And tomorrow will be the anniversary of me being held hostage and nearly dying. It'll be 11 years now and I'm ashamed to say that I still get upset and anxious.

CPN says it's harder because I now have the unexpected death of my Dad 2 years ago, plus the anniversary of my cousin being killed by a drunk driver, as well as the hostage situation to deal with, all within the first 3 weeks of December. And then I'm supposed to celebrate my birthday on Christmas Day! No wonder it's hard to separate everything, I guess. He says it's not a case of forgetting about those things because you can't change the past, but of learning to manage them the best way that you can. He's suggested looking for something positive and different to do tomorrow to celebrate the fact that I survived. Brilliant idea, but I think it'll take some working at,:o, and especially as this year it's on a Sunday and most of the town is shut.

I'd been very low when I saw cpn last and said that my life wasn't supposed to be like this, shouldn't have been the way it was and that I felt that I was a waste of a life, didn't deserve to be here. He replied that was down to the post traumatic stress and that even though I had been through many awful things, I had lived a full life. He said none of my experiences were my fault and that I'd done many things other people hadn't and inspite of it all, I'm still a good, strong, nice person and not bitter and twisted. Think I'll have to take his word for that!

It takes some thinking about, but even if I've been through several major traumas in my life, I have lived - though as those of you who have read The Tiff Chronicles will know, it's been hard. So the battle plan is to change how I think and look at things, taking control of that and looking to the future. Sounds very glib, doesn't it? But as my signature quote says, your thoughts are very powerful. But the emotions I feel about what I've been through are completely natural and I guess there'd be something really wrong with me if I was skipping through the daisies about it all. And by learning to stop looking back, or by controlling it myself, there should be room in my life for a future. I can't go forward if I'm shackled to looking back and I can learn to try and change that as best as I can.

Did any of that make sense?
Oh well, I tried.

I hope everyone is safe and sound and again, I'm sorry for not making much of a contribution this last week or so.
In fact, as you might expect of any cat getting hold of a thread - I'm so tangled up now, that I can't remember where I was!
So I'd better get on and make a start somewhere - just need to take a smartie break first.
I'm thinking of you all.
Much Love,
Tiff xxx