Depression Support Thread

fantastico_2

CCStar wrote: »

I feel I am going to lose my mind just now

My OH has been doing my head in - Sunday he was an a/hole and has been annoying today. When I talk to him about it, he starts crying and trying to make me feel guilty or the one at fault. When I do anything nice for him, he starts being annoying. Nothing flows, everything has to be hard work and difficult.

I don't know how much more I can take. I am looking for a place to go but don't know where to go. I don't know who I am anymore, when I do feel OK, he manages to taint it and I feel a mess again.

I certainly don't want to be near or with my mother as she is a control freak. She drove me mad when I was a teenager which lead to me marrying my OH. I remember nearly taking an overdose at 18 when I realised he was bad for me but I didn't have any money and didn't want to go back home.

I find it hard to trust people, so called friends have let me down.

Hiya, Its sounds as though you are caught between a rock and a hard place and i know that this can drain you both physically and emotionally. You really need to be rescued for the life you are in at the moment. Don't let this tear you up inside, I'm sure that things start to pick up for you luv. Just keep looking for somewhere to go, maybe look for a new job with accommodation with it. Take care.

H

Horasio

I do sometimes wonder what men see in women, apart from the obvious. I try to be the good wife and please my OH.

I have tried to be a good mother and daughter - I feel I have failed. I gave up work so I could be a good wife etc. I found working and coming home to an emotionally draining husband on top of my hormone imbalance was unbearable. I spent 30 years trying to get help with the hormones but it could have been eased if my family and friends had not given me a hard time for it. I basically felt I had to be perfect to be accepted. Dare I deviate and go over the line of being too happy or too ill, I was put in my place.

I feel that being a woman is a no win situation. If you want children and stay at home and be a good mother/wife, you are thick and lazy, if you want to work and not have children you are hardfaced.

All I ever wanted was to feel close and grow together and not feel I have done something wrong. His hot and cold reactions made me feel I was doing something wrong and if I get upset and angry, guilty. No matter what I do to feel good, within minutes he can upset and confuse me, yet says he wants to please me and loves me.

I wanted to leave years ago but couldn't cope with being a single parent or leave my young son, so stayed.

Now I don't have to stay, I still find it hard to leave but that is because I can't decide where to go.

BigMummaF

Hi Ya...Hope today has been good to you all.

First up, an apology to Small for getting confused about the 8 & 17yo, but the advice is the same:o

Second----Just what has our resident brockster been up to? Gillette, I told you to take it easy, but no...you have to work like a demon over the weekend, fall asleep at work & burn your lunch:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: [news report of fire near olympic building site, yesterday]

I'm gunna turn in--feeling kinda pooped--but I'll put a word in with the 'big guy' to watch over those of you who are a little jaded just now.

Hope to catch up with you all tomorrow, & Peaceful Minds folks. BMFx

tooties

hi folks
hoping all are managing tonight,
i am looking for some opinions please bear with me its a long story.
three months ago i took an od of my anti d's, the hospital wanted me to stay in and get help, i fought this and said that i would get excellent care from the local psychiatric day hospital....
day after i was released from my overnight stay in hospital due to the od i was seen by the junior doctor of the day hospital..

to cut a long consultation short i was left feeling pretty neglected to be honest i was told to keep taking the anti d's and come back and see her in 6 weeks. (i have been on over 18 anti d's over the five years and all of them have been pretty hopeless to be honest).

i felt at the time that to send me away only to return in 6 weeks was the wrong thing to do as 6 weeks is a long long time when we are depressed.

I was changed onto another anti d at that consultation and as a result my hair started to fall out as soon as i started on clomipramine when i went back to the day hospital dr i told her of my hair loss and she laughed and said i was being ridiculous and told me we all shed hair. the week before this i saw my gp (been seeing the gp weekly since the od at her request will not offer any complaints about gp as she has been great).
the gp agreed that my hair was fallling out due to the clomipramine and to advise the psy dr the following week but in the mean time to cut down on the dose i was taking.
i told all of this to the psy dr at the day hospital who laughed it off and told me i was being ridiculous and she said to keep taking the clomipramine and increase the dose. i refused and told her i was not prepared to do this as i had spent the last 2 years trying to grow my hair.
anyway i came off the clomipramine gradually and once i was finished taking clomipramine the hair loss stopped and regrowth began within a week.
by this time though i had 4 large bald patches and numerous very thin areas and had to cut my hair very short and spend £100 on a wig.

Today i went back to the day hospital dr for my 6 weekly review and she has decided that she cant do anything for me, i have to accept that im not getting any better and probably wont get any better, she said she could not offer me any more anti d's and thinks i shoud go drug free and has referred me back to my gp........
i dont mind the drug free bit as i havent taken any anti d's for 5 weeks now and althoug i dont feel any better i certainly dont feel any worse.

i feel i have been very short changed over my so called care for the last three months.

by the way i am a trained nurse so i know all about nhs resources etc.
any one care to offer an opinion or am i just being paranoid.
regards
tooties

Tulip

:hello: Everyone,

Hope you are all ok,I am fine today didnt sleep well last night,My weight has gone up again so that has made me hit rock bottom,I felt low as anything and then I had disappointments as well mixed in so it was everything and it all got on top of me,I need a hug please


Today I am off to college and I am going to have a nice day


love and light,

Katie xxx

geminilady

Tulip wrote: »

:hello: Everyone,

Hope you are all ok,I am fine today didnt sleep well last night,My weight has gone up again so that has made me hit rock bottom,I felt low as anything and then I had disappointments as well mixed in so it was everything and it all got on top of me,I need a hug please


Today I am off to college and I am going to have a nice day


love and light,

Katie xxx

(((((((((((((((((HUG)))))))))))))))))))) Katie,can sympathise about the weight gain,i have been in binge mode for a couple of weeks since falling out with my friend.Not weighed myself but know i have gained,why is it so easy to put it on but hard to take off?Hope you have a good day at college and sleep better tonight.By the way well done on winning the laptop:j you have been really lucky winning things lately so that is a positive thought for you.

geminilady

tooties wrote: »

hi folks
hoping all are managing tonight,
i am looking for some opinions please bear with me its a long story.
three months ago i took an od of my anti d's, the hospital wanted me to stay in and get help, i fought this and said that i would get excellent care from the local psychiatric day hospital....
day after i was released from my overnight stay in hospital due to the od i was seen by the junior doctor of the day hospital..

to cut a long consultation short i was left feeling pretty neglected to be honest i was told to keep taking the anti d's and come back and see her in 6 weeks. (i have been on over 18 anti d's over the five years and all of them have been pretty hopeless to be honest).

i felt at the time that to send me away only to return in 6 weeks was the wrong thing to do as 6 weeks is a long long time when we are depressed.

I was changed onto another anti d at that consultation and as a result my hair started to fall out as soon as i started on clomipramine when i went back to the day hospital dr i told her of my hair loss and she laughed and said i was being ridiculous and told me we all shed hair. the week before this i saw my gp (been seeing the gp weekly since the od at her request will not offer any complaints about gp as she has been great).
the gp agreed that my hair was fallling out due to the clomipramine and to advise the psy dr the following week but in the mean time to cut down on the dose i was taking.
i told all of this to the psy dr at the day hospital who laughed it off and told me i was being ridiculous and she said to keep taking the clomipramine and increase the dose. i refused and told her i was not prepared to do this as i had spent the last 2 years trying to grow my hair.
anyway i came off the clomipramine gradually and once i was finished taking clomipramine the hair loss stopped and regrowth began within a week.
by this time though i had 4 large bald patches and numerous very thin areas and had to cut my hair very short and spend £100 on a wig.

Today i went back to the day hospital dr for my 6 weekly review and she has decided that she cant do anything for me, i have to accept that im not getting any better and probably wont get any better, she said she could not offer me any more anti d's and thinks i shoud go drug free and has referred me back to my gp........
i dont mind the drug free bit as i havent taken any anti d's for 5 weeks now and althoug i dont feel any better i certainly dont feel any worse.

i feel i have been very short changed over my so called care for the last three months.

by the way i am a trained nurse so i know all about nhs resources etc.
any one care to offer an opinion or am i just being paranoid.
regards
tooties

Hi Tooties,I don't really know what to say but can understand you feeling short changed you want the doctors to help and in your eyes they aren't,they did advise you to be admitted after the od so they must have thought that would be the best treatment for you.As you refused this maybe they thought you are not trying to help yourself?I can understand them taking you off the ad's .If you have tried 18 i would think you have tried most of the major ones and as you said you do not feel worse after stopping them.I presume you have had counceling/therapy over the years?if that has not helped maybe they just do not know what else to do.

Horasio

Had a reasonable morning - got some packages and the posties were nice too. It is amazing how a sunny day and cheerful people can really elevate you.

Tulip

:hello: Everyone,


Well I had a good day,I went to craft where we talked about Divali the festival of light and got a book on it from the library came home to find a freeview box had come as I am on a user panel for a company testing the Teletext Extra service and my dads dvd came too so I was well happy,Dad really didnt want to set up the box today but I said I will give him his dvd,so he came and set it up

freeview box and get £50 Marks and Spencers vouchers a year,all explained here:

http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.html?t=596591

tonight I will watch tv and relax


love and light,

Katie xxx

dawnylou

Is it really worth going on any more?

Why can't I just get on with my life like everybody else??
I am so angry and frustrated at myself.

Everyone is being so nice and understanding about it - but I don't feel I deserve it. I deserve people to hate me for what I am putting them through.
It would be so much better if I simply wasn't here anymore.