Depression Support Thread

feelinggood_2

dawnylou wrote: »

As for me...
I haven't been posting as I have been feeling very low. I was prescribed Citalopram and given a 2 week sicknote to let them take effect.
Unfortunately it looks as if this was not the best medication for me. Not only did I sleep constantly but I got the most terrible headaches - it literally felt as if my brain was being crushed!
I have now been off for 3 weeks as I had a weeks holiday booked in too for my birthday. In those 3 weeks I have tried as hard as possible to not leave the house. I just feel so anxious about seeing people, having to talk to people etc. I don't know if this is because I am not able to control my emotions and so am afraid of an outburst? I am not sure.
I went back to the doctors on Friday and felt so panicky waiting to be seen. My heart was racing and I felt I would burst into tears at any moment - I nearly ran out!
Anyway she said the headaches sound like stress headaches, but could be a side effect and so she advised she would prefer to try me on fluoxetine (sp?) instead.
I started these on Saturday and so far am unable to tell if these pills will help. I also have been given another 2 week sicknote. I am glad as I seriously don't feel as if I can cope at work just now.

My typical day now seems to be wake up, have breakfast, nap. Wake up browse forums, drink my slimfast, nap. Wake up, browse forums again, maybe nap - make tea, watch TV with Fiance, bed.
This is basically it every day. I know it sounds disgusting and pathetic but I don't wash, I don't go out. I don't do anything. I just lie here all day like some pathetic, lazy cow. And yet I don't feel able to change that.

I sit in silence every day - no TV or radio. Fiance puts TV on when he gets in from work. I dread that the doorbell might go, or the phone might ring and I have to actually deal with someone.

It is ridiculous - but I feel as if I can't do anything unless my Fiance is holding my hand!

We went out on Saturday - just to a friends. I felt like I was freaking out. I couldn't relax or enjoy myself and my heart kept going dead fast. I couldn't wait to get home.

I just don't know what on earth is happening to me - or what I can do to fix it?

I am on a waiting list to see a psychologist - but that could take up to a year I have been warned.

Is anybody here on fluoxetine? If so is it helpful? Would you recommend it?
Can you drink on these? It doesn't mention it on the leaflet, but want to be sure....

Also those of you seeing a psychologist at the moment - is this helpful? Would you recommend it? Do you feel as if you are betraying those closest to you by going elsewhere to chat? What sort of things are you expected to chat about? What happens with all of the info that you do chat about? Is it passed onto anyone else? Will a psychologist maybe contact police or other officials if they feel they should without your permission?

Sorry to suddently through all of this at you all, but I am turmoil at the moment and very confused.

Hi Dawnylou.

Sorry to hear you had a bad experience with Citalopram. I had a very bad reaction, but my Doctors orders were to keep increasing the dose! I'm glad that I'm now going to get advice from a psychiatrist before I change medication. My anxiety got much, much worse while taking Citalopram, and its taken a while to get it under control. Probably not what you want to hear, but I've learnt recently that I cannot make the anxiety go away, I've just got to do things despite feeling like I'm going to die. Some things are getting easier, the panic attacks don't last as long, so it is improving.

I don't have any experience of fluoxetine, but my Grandad has taken it every winter for a good few years for Seasonal Affective Disorder. He didn't need to take it last winter, which is really good.

I get very bad anxiety around people - I can just hear screaming in my head, and I feel like I'm just going to shout something out, pass out, throw up, wet myself or something else equally embarrasing. Its really hard to explain, but I think I'm just really scared of loosing control.

For the past 8 months or so, I've rarely left the house, and only got dressed once a week, if that. For the past 3 weeks I've been getting washed and dressed every day, and trying to go out of the house 3 or 4 times a week. I think it is happening. At least now I know that I am doing everything I can do to get better. I was fed up of OH telling me I should get dressed everyday, so I started. I can understand you feeling like you are dependant on your fiance. I was totally dependant on my husband, and then he got a call saying he had to go to Japan for a week. There was no way I could go (claustrophobia) and I thought there was no way I could cope on my own, without him. I did actually cope. Turns out I can do things by myself, even if they are really scary and painful.

For me, I think it got to the point where there was no point carrying on with life as it was. I thought things through, and decided that I might aswell have one final bash at sorting things out before I gave up completely.

You mentioned slimfast, how long have you been having that? Is it helping?

I've not seen a psychologist, but I did have an assessment with an Occupation Therapist a couple of weeks ago. After the assessment, she got out a form about sharing information. It had various organisations on it, and I had to sign for each of them to say wether I was happy with them sharing information. Things like police, housing, benefits office, the other mental health team and stuff were listed. I think there are certain circumstances where they can interfere even if you tell them not to, but when you get an appointment you can ask about that and they will explain it all to you.

I've no idea who I'm going to see, if anyone, but I hope I'll be able to get some sort of therapy. I'm interested to hear about others' experiences too.

You mentioned that you don't know where to start, or what to do. Do you think that maybe you could set yourself a goal of washing every other day for a few weeks?

xxxxxxx

feelinggood_2

Things which I do which help me:
~Wash every day
~Get dressed every day
~Keep the house reasonably tidy
~Don't sleep in too late
~Go to bed at a normal time
~Talk on the phone to people
~Write a list of any jobs that need doing
~Go out 3-4 times a week
~Eat healthily
~Don't drink or smoke
~Talk about how I'm feeling with people who understand
~Listen to music or watch a TV show, even if I don't think it'll help

BigMummaF

Arfnoon folks; there's a few of us on today! Not that I'm complaining

SF...what sort of music would you like to make your career? Or would it be the production/writing bits? :idea: could you express your feelings in a musical piece maybe?

Hiya Dawny--wondered how you were getting on:o Feelie's list is a very good way to monitor just what you do manage to do each day.....what about a tick chart like you'd do for kids? If your memory is anything like mine, I'd forget me own name if me muvva hadn't sewn it into me jumper:rotfl: :rotfl: & I know that when I'm at that *blurgh*I can't remember drinking a cuppa half an hour ago. Put the list up on the fridge door for getting a snack; another on the bathroom door for cleaning your teeth & stuff; one by the phone for the no of calls you've taken/made

---

then just tick. It's not childish, no-one else would need to knowI]monitoring phone calls to price up suppliers/kitchen one for making sure your not cheating on your diet/bathroom to check water meter[/I& you may even begin to feel better because you have tanible proof of actually doing something. HTH.

Ethel--don't beat yourself up over DD. After all, if WE don't know why we feel the way we do, why would DD be any different:o As others have said, it probably has nothing to do with your parenting skills---& that can be proved by the care & concern you continue to lavish upon her---& an awful lot more to do with the world the kids now have to grow up in. I definately do not want to be a teenager in this time:eek: !

To everyone else, hope all is tickety-boo for a Tuesday....or is that Meewsday Tiff;)
I'm gunna go walk p-u-p & try to tire him out before skool tonight, see if that makes any difference to his ability to behave:rotfl:
Peaceful Minds folks.BMFx

feelinggood_2

Lists and notes are a great idea BMF. When I'm really low, I make myself sticker charts. I get a sticker for everything I achieve in a day - it does help. Sticker charts are also great for dieting, giving up smoking, saving etc. Just because we are grown up doesn't mean we don't feel good when we get a sticker!

Tulip

:hello: Everyone,

Hope everyone is ok I am fine,my appointment with my pyscologist went fine but it was so hard again after not having any appointments for 6 weeks,I was really upset too and I felt really unhappy and down and she could tell I was unhappy.I then said I had enough of the session and that I didnt want any more help as I had decided to finish the sessions as I felt they were not helping me.I then went to my flat door opened it,said nothing and she knew she had to leave,she said I could ring her when I wanted to,I didnt say goodbye and shut my door,I just cried after that.I then rang my CPN for a chat and felt a bit better,I just feel I am rejecting the people that are trying to help me to feel better in life and why do I do this? I find it so hard to decide what I want in life, I feel so torn and so lost,so confused.I then went for a bus ride later as I have applied for two college courses craft and pottery and I went to a library to pay for them straight away and I cant wait to start them

love and light,

Katie xxx

dawnylou

slowlyfading wrote: »

thanks for your kind words - i am alright and i will get through this *hugs*



I dont know what to suggest about all the stuff you're going through - I have never been on medication for anything so I dont know about side effects or anything. *hugs* sounds like you're having a rough time though. When I went to a counseller, they just ask you questions, mainly about yourself and then pick up on things that bother you or whatever. It shouldn't be passed on to anyone else, nor should they ring the police or anyone else without your permission. I dont know if its about betraying those close to you, or just being able to talk to someone outside of the situation who can help you through emotions and feelings that you wouldn't be able to talk about otherwise. I guess it depends on how you look at it!
Sending *big hugs* your way. I feel so silly for being in such a mess when there are other people out here who are clearly hurting more than I am. Keep that chin up.
sf xx

I guess I am little concerned. I mean we all have our secrets right?
We don't always want others to know certain secrets that we have.
I am sooo worried that something might come out in a session and that the psychologist might take it upon themselves to take some sort of action that may well make life 10 times more difficult!!
See I have my Fiance and I can talk to him about anything and everything, so I feel kinda bad about going elsewhere.
Please don't feel silly though. You are hurting too and we can't just forget that. You need love and support too, so please, please don't feel that your problems are any less important than anyone elses ok huni?

feelinggood wrote: »

Hi Dawnylou.

Sorry to hear you had a bad experience with Citalopram. I had a very bad reaction, but my Doctors orders were to keep increasing the dose! I'm glad that I'm now going to get advice from a psychiatrist before I change medication. My anxiety got much, much worse while taking Citalopram, and its taken a while to get it under control. Probably not what you want to hear, but I've learnt recently that I cannot make the anxiety go away, I've just got to do things despite feeling like I'm going to die. Some things are getting easier, the panic attacks don't last as long, so it is improving.

I don't have any experience of fluoxetine, but my Grandad has taken it every winter for a good few years for Seasonal Affective Disorder. He didn't need to take it last winter, which is really good.

I get very bad anxiety around people - I can just hear screaming in my head, and I feel like I'm just going to shout something out, pass out, throw up, wet myself or something else equally embarrasing. Its really hard to explain, but I think I'm just really scared of loosing control.

For the past 8 months or so, I've rarely left the house, and only got dressed once a week, if that. For the past 3 weeks I've been getting washed and dressed every day, and trying to go out of the house 3 or 4 times a week. I think it is happening. At least now I know that I am doing everything I can do to get better. I was fed up of OH telling me I should get dressed everyday, so I started. I can understand you feeling like you are dependant on your fiance. I was totally dependant on my husband, and then he got a call saying he had to go to Japan for a week. There was no way I could go (claustrophobia) and I thought there was no way I could cope on my own, without him. I did actually cope. Turns out I can do things by myself, even if they are really scary and painful.

For me, I think it got to the point where there was no point carrying on with life as it was. I thought things through, and decided that I might aswell have one final bash at sorting things out before I gave up completely.

You mentioned slimfast, how long have you been having that? Is it helping?

I've not seen a psychologist, but I did have an assessment with an Occupation Therapist a couple of weeks ago. After the assessment, she got out a form about sharing information. It had various organisations on it, and I had to sign for each of them to say wether I was happy with them sharing information. Things like police, housing, benefits office, the other mental health team and stuff were listed. I think there are certain circumstances where they can interfere even if you tell them not to, but when you get an appointment you can ask about that and they will explain it all to you.

I've no idea who I'm going to see, if anyone, but I hope I'll be able to get some sort of therapy. I'm interested to hear about others' experiences too.

You mentioned that you don't know where to start, or what to do. Do you think that maybe you could set yourself a goal of washing every other day for a few weeks?

xxxxxxx

Hi - I don't understand why they would increase something that makes you unwell?
It was just the headaches really, I couldn't cope with them.

You have described exactly what I meant though! Scared of losing control! I feel so vulnerable right now and that scares me, really scares me. :cry:
I honestly don't think I could cope if my Fiance wasn't here.
The house is a pigsty as I can't get myself motivated enough to actually clean up. Whenever he gets home from work we do little bits together, but obviously that's not fair on him as he has worked all day and it makes me feel selfish and lazy! :cry:
He knows how I feel and I know he is there for me, but I don't think he could honestly say he understands. But I am scared if I don't sort myself out he won't want to stick around and have himself dragged down with me. But we have been through so much together and I don't think he would leave. We love each other. But there's always that niggling doubt because as I have told him over the years he could certainly do better than me if he wanted to! He could land himself somone pretty, intelligent, caring, kind, happy, someone who treats him much better than I ever could.
I mean I try, because I have never loved anyone like this before and he means the world to me - but when you are damaged goods with little or no self esteem, a broken mind, and issues with emotional stability - who turns into the most disgusting monster after a drink - then you have to wonder why anyone would ever put up with you, don't you?

Slimfast - It doesn't fill you! lol.
The only reason I bought loads of slimfast in is because I am nervous about gaining weight and citalopram listed weight gain as a possible side effect - then take into consideration I'm not at work so I'm not walking as much as I walk to work, not walking the dogs, not doing any exercise - recipe for disaster is it not? So I thought I should maybe try to combat the problem. Besides I can't be bothered to feed myslef so it is easy to just take the lid off a bottle at lunch time :rotfl:

I'm going to have a bath in about half an hour!! Only because my Fiance is having a bath and when he is done he is putting a lush Happy Pill in! :rotfl:
I love Lush stuff
But I'm sure everyone (well the limited people I allow to see me anyway)
must be looking at my filthy fingernails with the month old bits of varnish all over them so I need to sort myself out really.

In the morning I am going to aim to get up, washed, dressed and wash the downstairs floors and clean the oven and our teeny weeny kitchen up.
But I won't tell my Fiance so I won't feel like a failure if I don't manage it!!! :rotfl:

My doctor said to set myself challenges every day but it is sooooo hard!
She also said I should go out even if just in the garden, so I did sit in the garden a little today with the pups, but it was cold so I wasn't out long!

I will write a list when I get out of the bath ready for tomorrow and see how much I can manage.
But don't be too hopeful!!!

BigMummaF wrote: »

Arfnoon folks; there's a few of us on today! Not that I'm complaining

SF...what sort of music would you like to make your career? Or would it be the production/writing bits? :idea: could you express your feelings in a musical piece maybe?

Hiya Dawny--wondered how you were getting on:o Feelie's list is a very good way to monitor just what you do manage to do each day.....what about a tick chart like you'd do for kids? If your memory is anything like mine, I'd forget me own name if me muvva hadn't sewn it into me jumper:rotfl: :rotfl: & I know that when I'm at that *blurgh*I can't remember drinking a cuppa half an hour ago. Put the list up on the fridge door for getting a snack; another on the bathroom door for cleaning your teeth & stuff; one by the phone for the no of calls you've taken/made

---

then just tick. It's not childish, no-one else would need to knowI]monitoring phone calls to price up suppliers/kitchen one for making sure your not cheating on your diet/bathroom to check water meter[/I& you may even begin to feel better because you have tanible proof of actually doing something. HTH.

Ethel--don't beat yourself up over DD. After all, if WE don't know why we feel the way we do, why would DD be any different:o As others have said, it probably has nothing to do with your parenting skills---& that can be proved by the care & concern you continue to lavish upon her---& an awful lot more to do with the world the kids now have to grow up in. I definately do not want to be a teenager in this time:eek: !

To everyone else, hope all is tickety-boo for a Tuesday....or is that Meewsday Tiff;)
I'm gunna go walk p-u-p & try to tire him out before skool tonight, see if that makes any difference to his ability to behave:rotfl:
Peaceful Minds folks.BMFx

Yes BMF! My memory is terrible!! I had 2 pills in a blister pack this morning, but only needed to take one - can I hell remember what I did with the other one, can't find it anywhere!! Searched high and low, but then was just getting distressed about it!

Well like I said after my bath I will make myself a list and we will see how things go tomorrow I guess.
Mind I did manage to pay a couple of bills online today. Think I will incur some charges though as should have been paid earlier but just couldn't seem to make myself do it when I knew I needed to!!! :o

Sorry to rant so much to you all, I guess I just don't quite know where to turn!?

Thank you x

EthelBloggs

evening everyone.. just got home from the hospital and having a cuppa

what a bloody fiasco.. this morning they said they were going to move her to the crisis unit today.. by 12pm they decided she was fine to come home, I said I had doubts about that and so did she. So they went off for a conflab, came back and were insistent. Daughter got upset and ran off, security and police out looking for her.. finally found her and then they had another conflab and decided that yes, she needs to be in the crisis unit. by now it's 7pm and the crisis unit don't have enough staff to take her tonight but they were ringing round to see if they could get anyone to come in.. finally at 9pm the answer came back no, she'll have to wait til tomorrow *sighs*

Why does everything always have to be such a bloody palaver.. we all knew yesterday what was needed but noooooo..... they have to faff about and cause more stress and upset when the end result is gonna be the same grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

slowlyfading

BigMummaF wrote: »

SF...what sort of music would you like to make your career? Or would it be the production/writing bits? :idea: could you express your feelings in a musical piece maybe?

To be honest I'm not sure that I want music to be my full time career. We've got all talks on at uni at the moment about deciding what's for the future, and I dont have a clue. its all really scary. x

slowlyfading

EthelBloggs wrote: »

evening everyone.. just got home from the hospital and having a cuppa

what a bloody fiasco.. this morning they said they were going to move her to the crisis unit today.. by 12pm they decided she was fine to come home, I said I had doubts about that and so did she. So they went off for a conflab, came back and were insistent. Daughter got upset and ran off, security and police out looking for her.. finally found her and then they had another conflab and decided that yes, she needs to be in the crisis unit. by now it's 7pm and the crisis unit don't have enough staff to take her tonight but they were ringing round to see if they could get anyone to come in.. finally at 9pm the answer came back no, she'll have to wait til tomorrow *sighs*

Why does everything always have to be such a bloody palaver.. we all knew yesterday what was needed but noooooo..... they have to faff about and cause more stress and upset when the end result is gonna be the same grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

Oh Ethel, I hope you're okay and that this gets sorted out ASAP. *hugs* x x

juno

:hello: I've just got back from work. I had great fun IDing everyone for cigarettes since the age has gone up. And I got to refuse to serve someone

Slowlyfading, if you did phone Nightline I don't think they'd know who was calling. You could always pretend to be Jane Smith if they did ask for your name. And if you get scared because you hink they'll recognise you, you could always either pretend it's for a friend, or ask for something else. Apparently they always get asked for pizza delivery numbers etc!