Unhappy marriage I want out

Bankruptanddealingwithit

Hi there,
Since my daughter was born 5 years ago my relationship with my husband has gone down hill.
He drinks- a lot, he's not an alcoholic in the usual srnse but im convinced he has an addiction. 6 nights out of 7 theres a trip to the pub, cans of lager and a bottle of red. I think I went off the rails by spending - it seemed to make me happy, which has resulted in me going bankrupt this year.
And to top it all off I'm miserable at work and hate the industry in in😢
So all in all the relationship is not a very happy one. I'm worried about the impact our animosity towards each other may have on our daughter and also feel that he holds me back from doing what I really want to in life.
As I'm typing this I think I know the answer lol
I just feel unhappy 95% of the time I'm around him and at work the only thing that makes me happy is our little girl.
Is this how life is supposed to be?????

victory

Bankruptanddealingwithit wrote: »

Hi there,
Since my daughter was born 5 years ago my relationship with my husband has gone down hill.
He drinks- a lot, he's not an alcoholic in the usual srnse but im convinced he has an addiction. 6 nights out of 7 theres a trip to the pub, cans of lager and a bottle of red. I think I went off the rails by spending - it seemed to make me happy, which has resulted in me going bankrupt this year.
And to top it all off I'm miserable at work and hate the industry in in😢
So all in all the relationship is not a very happy one. I'm worried about the impact our animosity towards each other may have on our daughter and also feel that he holds me back from doing what I really want to in life.
As I'm typing this I think I know the answer lol
I just feel unhappy 95% of the time I'm around him and at work the only thing that makes me happy is our little girl.
Is this how life is supposed to be?????

No, of course life is not supposed to be like that.

Can you change jobs? Does your OH gets aggresive when he has had a drink?

securityguy

"6 nights out of 7 theres a trip to the pub, cans of lager and a bottle of red."

He's an alcoholic.

meritaten

Sounds to me like he is unhappy too. The drinking could be his 'escape'. you need to forget the animosity and sit down and TALK! approach it as you feel both of you are unhappy and what do you BOTH need to do? try to save the marriage? separate for a while? separate permanently?
its difficult to approach this - but you need to know how HE feels too. perhaps the marriage just isn't working for both of you.

meritaten

securityguy wrote: »

"6 nights out of 7 theres a trip to the pub, cans of lager and a bottle of red."

He's an alcoholic.

Not necessarily - it could be his means of 'escape from reality' and if the situation changes he may not drink to excess.

marisco_2

meritaten wrote: »

Not necessarily - it could be his means of 'escape from reality' and if the situation changes he may not drink to excess.

When you are relying on alcohol to the degree the OPs husband is, to be able to cope with your reality, you are an alcoholic. Unhealthy consumption of alcohol is not something people should mess around with and it is one of the most difficult addictions to kick. Even when you reach a frame of mind where you desperately want to.

Bogof_Babe

Just a thought, but wouldn't it be 7 nights out of 7 if he really was addicted to alcohol? The fact that he can miss a night a week makes me think perhaps he is still in control of his drinking, and does it by choice rather than compulsion.

In which case, the seventh night is a good time to make him sit down and have that talk.

tea_lover

Bogof_Babe wrote: »

Just a thought, but wouldn't it be 7 nights out of 7 if he really was addicted to alcohol? The fact that he can miss a night a week makes me think perhaps he is still in control of his drinking, and does it by choice rather than compulsion.

In which case, the seventh night is a good time to make him sit down and have that talk.

Rubbish. You don't need to drink everyday to be an alcoholic.

victory

securityguy wrote: »

"6 nights out of 7 theres a trip to the pub, cans of lager and a bottle of red."

He's an alcoholic.

That is quite an assumption leap:D the poster says she does not think he is an alcoholic, we know about the bottle of red but the other nights he goes down the pub he may or may not be having alcohol, excessive amounts, minimal amounts because he has work the next day, non alcoholic drinks, we just don't know

meritaten

tea_lover wrote: »

Rubbish. You don't need to drink everyday to be an alcoholic.

an alcoholic is RELIANT on alcohol - its an addiction just like heroin, and going without alcohol causes withdrawal symptoms, if a person can go without alcohol quite happily for even short periods of time, then in my view they are NOT an 'alcoholic'.

But, the OP didn't ask for a definition of alcoholic, she even says she doesn't think he is an alcoholic, so can we get back on track?

geoffky

Have the talk you should of had a few years ago,,,See what the outcome is.