Unhappy marriage I want out

duchy

meritaten wrote: »

an alcoholic is RELIANT on alcohol - its an addiction just like heroin, and going without alcohol causes withdrawal symptoms, if a person can go without alcohol quite happily for even short periods of time, then in my view they are NOT an 'alcoholic'.

But, the OP didn't ask for a definition of alcoholic, she even says she doesn't think he is an alcoholic, so can we get back on track?

Sorry to off track but your not correct by any medical definition Meri

OP frankly you both sound like it's a miserable existence and the biggest favour you could both do your daughter is to find her a better life -if her parents are likely to do better apart than together -in all aspects of life-it's certainly something to talk about together.

danih

Why does he not drink on that one day out of 7? Some alcoholics need a day off to recover.

Every alcoholic has a different drinking pattern, many don't drink every day.

He may not be an alcoholic - in which case now is the time to look at his drinking habits before he does become an alcoholic.

The recommended daily alcohol intake for a man is 3 to 4 units. 2 beers is around 4 unit. I think an average bottle of red is 9. Strong beers and wines will have a higher unit content per glass.

How would he cope with a week of abstinence? If he can't or won't I would b v worried.


Best of luck with the next step! Counselling may benefit both of you in making decisions about where to go

No-Feed-Elite.

Alcoholism or not, apart, it reads not a happy relationship and if counselling and talk can't amend things and find common ground, to whatever caused the marriage, it's time to cease wasting your lives.

Being a one parent family won't be easy, but it is always preferable to living in misery and conflict.

Bankruptanddealingwithit

Wow what a response, I wasn't expecting that I think you've all got some very valid points, some of which I have thought about and we've been through before.
My Husband has always liked a drink but it's getting more and more (we've been together 16 years by the way) he knows I dislike the drinking and gave told him this over the last 16 years!
We've had varying successes with talking things through and have seen a counsellor which didn't go well as my husband hates 'counsellors' and I forced him to go. He's sought help himself but he just ends up thinking he's not actually that bad.
Please don't take offence by anything I've typed this is just my view on things and opinion about my life.
I agree that he's drinking to escape from something but he will not say what that is, perhaps it is me! He tends to abstain on a Sunday so think that's the time to have one final chat about the future I'm at my wits end and this has to change one way or another.

ALIBOBSY

securityguy wrote: »

"6 nights out of 7 theres a trip to the pub, cans of lager and a bottle of red."

He's an alcoholic.

Yep many people refuse or are scared to use the word alcoholic, but if you can't go for a week without a drink and are drinking that much alcohol or in fact if it is effecting your life you are addicted and an alcoholic.

I think you need to sit down with OH and really talk calmly about things. Realising he may lose his family might just be enough to wake him up to his problems. Relate may be useful, even if it just means having neutral ground to discuss separation.

Good Luck OP
Ali x

No-Feed-Elite.

I think generally many drink to escape boring reality, so it may not necessarily be you. :think:

Any

You certainly need out, you are not happy, he is not happy and who knows if he actually can be happy (some ppl are happy in their own misery) and life does not need to be like this for you!!

paulineb_2

There are a lot of different issues people can have with alcohol without being labelled an alcoholic. Its not always as clear cut as yes someone is or no they aren't and yes its possible to drink for periods of time, even long periods of time and then be able to drink to a lesser extent without having to give it up.

Ive also known people who only drank a couple of days out of 14, ie when they got paid benefits but those couple of days caused significant harm to themselves and others

Whether he is or isnt an alcoholic, hes certainly drinking too much, the OP isn't happy and he doesn't sound happy either and it's certainly not a positive environment for a child to be growing up in.

j.e.j.

any prizes for guessing crosswo's previous incarnation..? :whistle:

GracieP

meritaten wrote: »

she even says she doesn't think he is an alcoholic, so can we get back on track?

Actually she says he's not an alcoholic 'in the usual sense' but that he does have an addiction. I'd guess that what she means by that is that he is physically addicted to alcohol but his life isn't yet falling apart because of it (probably in large part because of her actions) so still appears to be functioning.