Maintenance + Access.. help?!

mgdavid

thorsoak wrote: »

It is not your daughter (or your ex's wife's) problem that your new partner is pregnant, that your problem.
.........

did I miss something? OP says in post #1 it's his ex who is pregnant.

Mrs_Imp

thorsoak wrote: »

It is not your daughter (or your ex's wife's) problem that your new partner is pregnant, that your problem.

Your problem is how to pay for the maintenance that you have to pay to your ex - and I would suggest that maybe you should go over to the mortgage-free wanabee Section of MSE - get some advice on how to manage your finances better in order to be able to manage your commitments.

The ex is pregnant, not OP's new partner. That's probably part of the reason she wants to up his payment.

sacha28

Your ex is the type of woman I despise.....she is using your DD as a pawn to extort money out of you because HER circumstances have changed dramatically. You have had an agreement that has worked for many years and, all of a sudden, she loses her job, gets up the duff and her new BF isn't providing enough so thinks it's you that should foot the bill. Nice woman.
On a legal note (and I know this to be fact through bitter experience) your ex has a legal responsibility to meet some of the costs incurred for access visits. She HAS to meet you half way. It cost us a grand in solicitor fees just to find that out!!

As for her saying she wants you to have a 'safer, newer' car for visits...tell her that's fine....as long as she buys it for you. Oh she can't afford it? No, nor can you. She wants you to have a spare bedroom for visits...tell her that's fine....as long as she makes up the difference in the rent. Oh she can't afford it? No, nor can you.

She is being totally unreasonable.

My OH now sees his 5yo DD in the holidays after his ex moving nearly 400 miles away, it's not as bad as we thought it was going to be. It's emotionally exhausting when she goes back but the fun times we have are worth it. His CSA payments have also gone down as the amount of nights he has his DD has actually increased with this arrangement, which makes the travelling costs easier to swallow.

I don't agree with the way CSA is worked out, I think they should take other factors into account. What on earth does a 5yo need that costs nearly £500pm??!!

FatVonD

Another that thinks you need to move west of London. Hounslow is cheap and a Travelcard (I think it's within zone 6) will cost you just £219.70 per month.

FatVonD

sacha28 wrote: »

Your ex is the type of woman I despise.....she is using your DD as a pawn to extort money out of you because HER circumstances have changed dramatically. You have had an agreement that has worked for many years and, all of a sudden, she loses her job, gets up the duff and her new BF isn't providing enough so thinks it's you that should foot the bill. Nice woman.

I do agree with this bit

thorsoak

mgdavid wrote: »

did I miss something? OP says in post #1 it's his ex who is pregnant.

Apologies. This is what happens when one tries to read a post whilst cooking a meal, feeding dogs and answering the telephone ...all with a glass of wine! I got the wrong end of the stick completely and utterly - and will therefore delete me post....whilst eating humble pie

Sorry OP! My bad!

Mojisola

=booboo= wrote: »

Im kind of resigned to the fact that I am going to lose my regular access to see my baby, im gutted.. a few bank holidays, a week in summer and a few days at xmas just seems horrid..

Don't be too despondent - it can be bitterly upsetting when it feels as if you and your daughter are going to lose out on contact but sleep on the ideas that have been suggested and see what's practical for you.

If you want, you can post a statement of affairs on the Debt-free board and people will point out where you could get cheaper deals and save some money.

Other suggestions might take a bit longer to implement but the situation can work out.

Your commitment to your daughter so far shows how good a Dad you are. Keep focussed and you will be able to keep a good relationship going.

toniq

Moving down there and starting in a diff job might be hard but it will mean you will have your daughter closer,it might be the sacrifice you have to make to keep your relationship, somethings got to give and it doesn't seem your ex is going to budge,Good luck.

FBaby

Apologies, the hotel was over looked.. Ive always bought her back, I want her to know she has a home with me. she has friends here too.. I never felt it right being stuck to a hotel room.

At the same time, your daughter as getting to an age when she is likely to start wanting to do activities. It would be nice for her if you could also be there cheering her for her team, or see her play in a concert etc...


I grew up with my dad living 5 hours away when I was 8. I took a flight to go and see him every other week-end (not in this country). It was nice that I could see my dad at his, but what I really wanted was for him to come to see where my school was, meet my school friends, see me at my swimming galas rather than missing out on it. I will always remember the time he came to a school performance as a surprise. I was so proud to see my dad there, it made it a very special day. Don't write it off thinking that your DD prefer to come to you. It would also be much gentler on her, especially as she gets older and her life gets busier and busier.

daisiegg

sacha28 wrote: »

I don't agree with the way CSA is worked out, I think they should take other factors into account. What on earth does a 5yo need that costs nearly £500pm??!!

Erm, among many other things....a roof over her head!