Maintenance + Access.. help?!

=booboo=

Hi all, im not even sure where this can go, i dont think i have any hope but i need to ask i guess.

Long story short, I split from my wife nearly 5 years ago when my daughter was 2. As a result, she moved back to somerset where she could have the support of her family (completely understandable) which is 180 miles away. At the time we made an arrangement that i would pay £200 pm maintenance as she was not willing to do any of the driving and this left me with £300 pm fuel costs on top of payments for a car (£190pm), insurance (£50pm), car maintainance etc...

As time has gone on, she had requested I have a spare room for my daughter (ok, understandable, but i live in hertfordshire so I am faced with rent of £800 + the bills on top.). And a newer safer car suitable for the 8 hour drive i do twice on a weekend where i have her. Things got so tight and faced with paying the debts left over from our marriage, I ended up on an IVA just to help stay afloat..

Ive had some good news though and after trying for 4 years to move permanently into the company that i was subcontracted to, i have finally been taken on full time. This means a small payrise in real terms (roughly £100) as i now pay for my own travel etc. Unfortuantely at the same time my ex has lost her job, and become pregnant within weeks of this happening.

Seeing that she is now only working part time and has lost income (and as her new parnter she lives with doesnt earn as much as she used to) she has asked for the full amount that the CSA would take (ie £460pm) without consideration for all of the other costs that i incur.

I have scanned over my finances and cannot see how even with assistance of my IP, i will be able to retain any relationship with my daughter.. Keeping to this figure ill be paying:

460 maint
190 car payment (3 years remaining)
50 car insurance
30 car maintenance
300 fuel..

and this is before the extra 400pm i have to pay in bills in rent for a 2nd bedroom that is occupied 2 nights a month, but im not allowed my daughter if i dont have it.. basically, this will cost me 60% of my take home before ive paid rent, food and travel to work.. this doesnt inc bills, paying debts or clothing..

So it all turns out this great career move ive worked for, is now going to cost me my daughter..

I doubt there is anything that can be done, I have no hesitation in paying for my daughter, I just wish my ex would be considerate to the fact that she needs me too.. but it really seems like all i can do is quit my new job ive worked so hard for and drop my salary substantially to work locally in order to save a bit of money.

can anyone advise if the CSA would actually be of any help? all ive read leads me to believe it is all over, barring a messy fight for custody which i cannot afford.

BitterAndTwisted

I believe that CSA will take 15% of your take-home pay. Your other expenses don't come into it.

Gigglepig

I would try to arrange a mediation session with ex to discuss.
Maintenance and access are two separate things.

I would go ahead and pay the csa minimum right away. This is the legal minimum your ex will be entitled to, and if she has lost her job chances are every penny will be needed to help provide for your daughter.

However i would alsp Look for somewhere cheaper to live, and discuss the sleeping arrangements with the ex. If you cannot afford a second bedroom you cannot afford it.

Longer term would it be an option to look for a (better paid) job closer to your daughter?

19lottie82

if £460 of your wage is 15%, then your take home pay is over £3000 a month, is that right? It seems quite high in line with your struggling?

B&T is right, the CSA don't take your expenses in to account when calculating maintenance. It's 15% of your wage for one child, and that's it, unless you have her for more than 52 nights a year, then you may get a small reduction.

Your wife cannot demand you have an extra bedroom for your daughter. If this is contributing to your financial issues, just say no, you can't afford it. Your DD can sleep in your room when she is there and you can take the couch.

Kayalana99

19lottie82 wrote: »

if £460 of your wage is 15%, then your take home pay is over £3000 a month, is that right? It seems quite high in line with your struggling?

B&T is right, the CSA don't take your expenses in to account when calculating maintenance. It's 15% of your wage for one child, and that's it, unless you have her for more than 52 nights a year, then you may get a small reduction.

Your wife cannot demand you have an extra bedroom for your daughter. If this is contributing to your financial issues, just say no, you can't afford it. Your DD can sleep in your room when she is there and you can take the couch.

Hmm yea but his figures are basicly £1500 before food / rent / bills so really thinking about it - I can see the struggle. He lives in an expensive place by sound of our bills + food as a family come to £700+£400....and we live in a cheap area with a lowish mortgage payment.

I'm sure that technically she is supposed to pay 50% of travel costs in this situation.

RAS

I suggest the OP goes over to the Child Support forum and gets help regarding the possibility of getting the travel costs taken into account.

The ex should NOT be insisting on newer cars etc. Courts would not be amused by that.

=booboo=

Hi and thanks for getting back, talking is also helping a bit already.

My new take home is 2700 so not to far off the mark (good maths there!) although maybe I should have checked as I'd believed the 15% was before tax. If this is definitely correct it is a small help in the right direction.

Also (admittedly I should have checked) but my ex around the time said shed had legal advice advising she could prevent me having my daughter over if I did not have a room for her! If this is correct it's also another nudge in the right direction.. Are you sure this is right though?

I'm aware 2700 take home may seem a lot but deduct 460 maint, 500 travel to work + even just the fuel costs in seeing my daughter I'm left with around 1400 for rent bills food paying the car off and debt repayments. This though is what is under review here.

Unfortunately although your suggestion of moving closer, I work in IT in the city and is quite specialist, I would not find what I do in Somerset, let alone command anywhere near the wage I can here.

I have taken my concerns to my ex regarding the living arrangenents, however her response was that if I only see her in the summer that's fine, it's my responsibility not hers.

Am I complaining about nothing here? If so then I'll accept it, but I didn't want to lose my daughter without trying something. I know of a few people who live down the road from their kids and have nothing to do with them. I drive 16hours out of 40 just so I can spend a Saturday day with her and have not questioned it in 4 years. I love her that much.

FBaby

I do believe that the csa do take transport costs when over a certain limit into consideration but can't remember is it is transport to work or transport to have access or both.

wannabe_sybil

Other people are more knowledgeable, but what does the order for Contact say?

If you have no order, how likely is your ex to abide by an order? Enforcing it is very tricky.

How much does your ex benefit from the child free time, is it something that she would be reluctant to use?

Would it be cost effective to take your daughter to a b&b or travel lodge local to her home?

I really hope things work out for you.

=booboo=

RAS wrote: »

I suggest the OP goes over to the Child Support forum and gets help regarding the possibility of getting the travel costs taken into account.

The ex should NOT be insisting on newer cars etc. Courts would not be amused by that.

Thanks for the suggestion, I'll follow it up, but from a previous enquiry with the csa, I was told that it would only be taken into consideration if I did day visits. Doable but I always wanted my daughter to know she had a home with me.

I'll report back with what I find.

Thanks again everyone.

RAS

Hi

You would do well to speak to families need fathers http://www.fnf.org.uk/.

You need now to start keeping a log of all visits to your daughter even if you have not done so previously. The courts would expect the pattern that has been accepted for years to continue but be updated as your daughter grow older.

So possible every other weekend plus half of all school holidays. It matters not if your daughter attend a playscheme whilst you work during this periods.

Courts will want a confident address and to know that you have reasonable arrangments for her sleeping but may not require a separate room at this age. You need to ask FNF.