Maintenance + Access.. help?!

=booboo=

19lottie82 wrote: »

Why are your fuel costs so high@300 a month? That's huge, even with a 360 mile trip once every 3 weeks?

Do you live far away from your work?

thats a 360 mile trip twice in a weekend so its 720 miles each time i see her (then that is twice in a month on some months so that cost is averaged out)

=booboo=

daisiegg wrote: »

He said he works in the city (London, presumably?) so I would be surprised if he drives to work! But public transport is also expensive.

Yes, it is london and my travel is near £500 pm. rarely even get a seat lol..

=booboo=

Ok, UPDATE:

after a bit of online research I had come across a few things pointing to things like pensions are taken into account too for the calculation, having worked out what the fee should be I called the ex.. after getting half way through the sentance that her figure did not take into account a few factors such as pension and what is my taxable pay, i was met with a torrent of swear words and abuse before she hung up. Nice...

on this i decided to call the CMOptions team. they have advised that distance variance can only be applied to a family based arrangement, which she has to agree to (wont happen!). she wont even agree to the calculated figure as i just experienced. The collect and pay is just silly, as they will be charging me 10% extra and deducting 4% from her, just for transferring money.

This then leaves 2 options.. Direct pay (where i pay directly to her as i have been for years, the amount the csa agree) which sounds fine by me.. or to get a consent order where a court may decide to deduct travel costs, but by no means certain and surely would cost a lot?.. I guess i need to seek advice on whether its worth it..

Im kind of resigned to the fact that I am going to lose my regular access to see my baby, im gutted.. a few bank holidays, a week in summer and a few days at xmas just seems horrid..

Egypt191

=booboo= wrote: »

My worries exactly.



Who would expect this? (could the courts consider this? would that be enforceable in anyway?)


[COLOR="rgb(139, 0, 0)"]I'm only going on what a few friends of mine have had to do, the access to your child is based upon both parents cooperation, the resident parent must make the child available for access, which in the couple of cases I know about means sharing travel, or meeting at a half way point.[/COLOR]

im already down to one in every 3 weeks due to the distance/cost


Sorry, I didn't realise that, I read too fast for my own good sometimes.

This i am not in dispute of, im happy to pay what is owed for her upkeep.. but Id not forgive myself if i hadnt/didnt try to keep what i have with my lil gal.

I wasn't insinuating that you weren't willing to pay, just making it clear that any consent order will not stipulate how much you should pay for the child, this happens in the financial bumf of a divorce.

FBaby

Calling her to make a point that you shouldn't pay her as much as claims wasn't a brilliant idea. You would have been better setting up your budget and showing her why you can't afford more. I am confused at the cost of car though. You are paying £200 a month for a car you hardly ever used but to pick your daughter up? Would it be much cheaper to use public transport or hire a car for two days?


You also didn't answer in regards to the suggestion to stay in a hotel down there.


I agree with all the posters that you should do everything to keep regular contact with your daughter. Try not to challenge the mother as much as possible but suggest solutions. Make sure you've worked out the cheapest way to do things and stick to them.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

The CSA minimum is set for a reason.

You earn good money and your debt issues are not theirs or your ex's problem. Without a job, your ex is in no position to be saying it's OK to pay less than the law says is due for your daughter's upkeep.


My ex #1 managed to fund trips from Manchester to London on much, much less than you. He appreciated that I couldn't subsidise him without harming both my children.


Now I'm an NRP, I don't begrudge a penny of it - and if it means I have to live on potatoes, beans and bread, I'll travel to see my youngest if they move.


If you genuinely cannot manage on that sort of income, I suggest you seek advice about that side of things, and in the meantime, try to introduce other methods for keeping in contact with your daughter - Skype, sending cards, phone calls each week, so there's consistency of contact with her, even if you aren't able to physically see her as frequently. Then perhaps you could have her stay for longer periods. Cheap hotel offers and train tickets also sound like a good idea, as it cuts down your travelling costs whilst she's with you (going home afterwards is neither here nor there, as it won't be her sitting down for a few hours). South/West of London also seems to be a good place to consider properties, as transport links are just as good there as anywhere in commuterville.


It's not always pleasant and it certainly isn't always easy - but you have to do the best you can in the circumstances. To me, it's providing and keeping in touch regularly that's most important. Actual physical time together is next, whatever your instincts are telling you. She'll be fine as long as she doesn't go without and she knows you're part of her life through whatever contact you can maintain.

Our feelings as parents come last.

=booboo=

FBaby wrote: »

Calling her to make a point that you shouldn't pay her as much as claims wasn't a brilliant idea. You would have been better setting up your budget and showing her why you can't afford more. I am confused at the cost of car though. You are paying £200 a month for a car you hardly ever used but to pick your daughter up? Would it be much cheaper to use public transport or hire a car for two days?


You also didn't answer in regards to the suggestion to stay in a hotel down there.


I agree with all the posters that you should do everything to keep regular contact with your daughter. Try not to challenge the mother as much as possible but suggest solutions. Make sure you've worked out the cheapest way to do things and stick to them.

Sorry FBABY, I should have clarified, i hadnt called to tell her i was paying less, kust trying to advise her that her calculation was wrong.. I see your point about how it could have been percieved.

Apologies, the hotel was over looked.. Ive always bought her back, I want her to know she has a home with me. she has friends here too.. I never felt it right being stuck to a hotel room.

re: the car.. train from here, across london and down to somerset is above the cost of fuel even in advance, and that only takes me to within 30 miles of where she lives, her mum would not bring her the rest of the way either so the car is a neccesity.

Thank you for your sugestions though

marisco_2

I cant add to the great advice you have already been given but didn't want to read and run. I really hope that you can find a way forward with your ex, which means you don't lose out on having regular access with your daughter. Children need their dads to be involved in their lives and benefit greatly from their interest in them and positive influences. It is such a shame when some people refuse to acknowledge this for their own selfish reasons.

=booboo=

Jojo_the_Tightfisted wrote: »

The CSA minimum is set for a reason.

You earn good money and your debt issues are not theirs or your ex's problem.

Not entirely true jojo.. my financial issues are caused by the debt from our relationship.. but i never argued this as she had my daughter to look after. this is a cpmpletely seperate issue though..

and to reiterate for those that misunderstood, i wasnt looking to pay less than due, I was just trying to keep the girl i love so much in my life as much as she is..

thorsoak

Can I suggest that maybe you should go over to the mortgage-free wanabee Section of MSE - get some advice on how to manage your finances better in order to be able to manage your commitments.