Maintenance + Access.. help?!

=booboo=

wannabe_sybil wrote: »

Other people are more knowledgeable, but what does the order for Contact say?

If you have no order, how likely is your ex to abide by an order? Enforcing it is very tricky.

How much does your ex benefit from the child free time, is it something that she would be reluctant to use?

Would it be cost effective to take your daughter to a b&b or travel lodge local to her home?

I really hope things work out for you.

Ironically there's no order as we are trying to sort the divorce out alongside this. My solicitor previously advised that they are hard to enforce and I'd hold no hope in her sticking to it.

shoe*diva79

If your ex went to the CSA then the case would be on the 2012 scheme which is NOT 15% of take home pay. It is a slightly smaller % of GROSS pay. I suggest you run your details through the official calculator here:
http://www.cmoptions.org/en/calculator/

Also, you do not need a spare bedroom just for your child. She can sleep in with you? Or you on the sofa when you have her overnight? I think its quite unreasonable of your ex to expect you to have a 2nd bedroom for a couple of nights a month.

in addition, I am not sure if the new scheme will give a reduction for travel costs but the old 2003 scheme did give a slight discount so if a CSA case is opened then it will be worth asking the question.

Egypt191

I know of somebody who had to make a very similar decision to yours, he couldn't afford to travel to see his child, now, 12 years later it's the biggest regret of his life, as his child doesn't know him.

I'm not sure about travel costs, but I do know it would be expected (considering the distance) for your ex to meet you half way.

If you can't afford an extra room it's not a requirement for access, there's no reason why you can't have a sofa bed in the living room and your daughter use your bedroom when she stays for example.

To cut down on costs have you thought about altering the arrangements you have, maybe see her very other weekend from Friday eve to Sunday eve? It might help a little bit.

Although child support and access are not related at all ( so you can't be refused access on those grounds) any money you pay will go towards the upkeep of your child, children are expensive creatures

One last thing, contact orders are only as good as the people involved in them. Sometimes it's good to have things written in black and white to clarify, whereas others don't think they're worth it. Like has been said, they're difficult to enforce.

=booboo=

Egypt191 wrote: »

I know of somebody who had to make a very similar decision to yours, he couldn't afford to travel to see his child, now, 12 years later it's the biggest regret of his life, as his child doesn't know him..

My worries exactly.

Egypt191 wrote: »

I'm not sure about travel costs, but I do know it would be expected (considering the distance) for your ex to meet you half way..

Who would expect this? (could the courts consider this? would that be enforceable in anyway?)

Egypt191 wrote: »

To cut down on costs have you thought about altering the arrangements you have, maybe see her very other weekend from Friday eve to Sunday eve? It might help a little bit.

im already down to one in every 3 weeks due to the distance/cost

Egypt191 wrote: »

Although child support and access are not related at all ( so you can't be refused access on those grounds) any money you pay will go towards the upkeep of your child, children are expensive creatures

This i am not in dispute of, im happy to pay what is owed for her upkeep.. but Id not forgive myself if i hadnt/didnt try to keep what i have with my lil gal.

19lottie82

Why are your fuel costs so high@300 a month? That's huge, even with a 360 mile trip once every 3 weeks?

Do you live far away from your work?

19lottie82

Ps try posting this on the debt free wannabe part of the forum (you don't need to be in debt!)

If you post a statement of affairs, the posters are great at suggesting ways you can cut back and save cash

Robisere

I don't have much to offer in the way of useful advice, but I am a man almost 70 who lost his two children many years ago to a woman who had me ejected from the Gasthaus in Germany that she owned, in order to take up with someone else and move to a bigger business with her wealthy new sucker. (She took his investment and booted him out too.)

I still hear those kids screaming for me as I left, all these years later. I feel a lot of sympathy for you, but from what you say you are a good dad and I strongly advise you to stay in physical touch with your daughter. Never stop telling and proving that you love her, try as hard as you can to keep her in your life. I regret leaving mine, I was exhausted and sickened by the fight but I still think deep down that I could have done more. That will stay with you as it has stayed with me.

I wish you all the luck in the world, everyone always blames the man in these situations and we are supposed to have no emotions: you and I know that is a fallacy.

Mojisola

=booboo= wrote: »

As time has gone on, she had requested I have a spare room for my daughter (ok, understandable, but i live in hertfordshire so I am faced with rent of £800 + the bills on top.).

And a newer safer car suitable for the 8 hour drive i do twice on a weekend where i have her.

She has no right to dictate things like this.

Get in touch with one of the fathers' support groups and benefit from their experiences.

As far as the bedroom is concerned, you could have a one bedroom place with a sofa bed in the lounge which you can use when your daughter comes to stay.

You could also see whether it would be an option to have some of your weekends in hotels nearer to where your daughter lives - book ahead for cheap deals. It would save travelling time and petrol money.

Your daughter has two parents and it's her needs and rights that you and her mother should be prioritising. Your ex can't dictate how you live your life.

Are you getting copies of everything that goes home from her school so that you know what's happening and how she is doing?

daisiegg

19lottie82 wrote: »

Why are your fuel costs so high@300 a month? That's huge, even with a 360 mile trip once every 3 weeks?

Do you live far away from your work?

He said he works in the city (London, presumably?) so I would be surprised if he drives to work! But public transport is also expensive.

Mojisola

=booboo= wrote: »

Long story short, I split from my wife nearly 5 years ago when my daughter was 2. As a result, she moved back to somerset where she could have the support of her family

As time has gone on, she had requested I have a spare room for my daughter (ok, understandable, but i live in hertfordshire

Just another thought - assuming you are working in London and not Hertfordshire, could you move to the west or south of the city so that the distance between you and your daughter is reduced?

House prices might mean it's not possible but it's worth offering you a range of options.