What would you do?

Tony69

atrixblue.-MFR-. wrote: »

probably would end up that way once they find out that her maiden name.

Because it's only a matter of time before they find that out eh?

mountainofdebt

atrixblue.-MFR-. wrote: »

probably would end up that way once they find out that her maiden name.

I'm sorry but if my OH knew the trouble that I - and my family - would face from someone in these circumstances and he still wasn't prepared to move, then he would be left in the house on his own.

atrixblue.-MFR-.

the thread helps me put things in perspective, I don't know what it is, I don't expect people to understand the logic behind it either.


I don't take things in my head properly when I hear it, if its written down, and I re read it , I can get the just of it, I just cant process face to face communication properly, and sometimes when I read things over my mind gives me the feel of expression and urgency that I wouldn't have picked up face to face,but if I read for too long I get sensory overload and cant retain everything this is why I go on and off here periodically.

thorsoak

Talk to the HA - if you cannot do so, then go with your wife and let her do the talking - explain the history between your wife's family and this other family - and ask for their assistance in arranging a property transfer.

andygb

Person_one wrote: »

Then move, of course! Why are you even asking?

I agree, you have to look at moving, because all this stress will have a bad effect on you in the long term.

Corelli

Hi Atrix. I've got lots of sympathy for you all.

My son, who later got a diagnosis of AS, was bullied by neighbouring children. Very nastily, and it ended up with him being beaten up with threats to post a video of it online. We still have no idea if this actually happened. It all got very horrible indeed, with our family feeling under attack, my car's tyres being slashed and the children abused in th street with stones thrown at them so I know the sort of situation your wife is worried about. I don't blame her for being scared and wanting out.

Don't you think that in the long term interests of your family it would be wise to hold onto your HA tenancy? But you all need to feel safe now. Perhaps you need to be planning a move but not run off into another difficult situation.

If you live in a large enough area to get a transfer away from your current location but still stay with your current health board that sounds like a good plan to work towards.

Regarding your daughters' needs, I would think that re-locating to a different school might be good. Particularly if they can make a new start once they have a proper diagnosis. Maybe even start with a statement of SEN.

Your own diagnosis is covered by law, under the Autism Act.

This is from the National Autistic Society website :

The guidance says that there has to be a clear pathway to diagnosis in every local area.

This means that wherever you live, you should be able to access a diagnosis and you local NHS and your local authority should be able to tell you how you can access diagnosis.

The guidance also says that there has to be an appointed person in the local council leading on the development of diagnostic services.

I believe there is a three months time limit on the diagnosis procedure starting but I saw that on their FB page and didn't notice it skimming through here. This is their website. There is a help line number on there and lots of information. http://www.autism.org.uk/working-with/autism-strategy/the-autism-strategy-an-overview/what-does-the-statutory-guidance-mean-for-me.aspx

In the meantime - your wife's safety and the safety of all of you in your own home. How likely is it really that your new neighbours will find out her maiden name? Is there anyway you all or just her could move temporarily in with family? I don't know how long the transfer process takes. A bit like asking how long is a bit of string I suppose.

Wishing you all the very best at this difficult time.

meritaten

you may think Atrix is being selfish. What you DONT know is that he has serious, longstanding Mental Health issues. This area is bad enough with Mental Health Services, he is finally getting somewhere and to move areas could mean his mental health deteriorating to the point where his family would be badly affected - he has been through that before and has had to fight for every little bit of the help he has now. I can understand he doesn't want to do that in an area which is cutting services more than our own.
The kids are ok at school - I have told both him and his wife that the kids tell me they LIKE the school. its Atrix and missus with the problems with it. The kids only moved schools in the last year - they settled in quite quickly and have improved a lot! they have moved up several stages and tell me they enjoy classes.
his wife wants to be near her sister - I can understand that. but, I also think she isn't considering the impact on every one else. They are also quite reliant on OH and myself (Atrix is my son), and we wouldn't be 'on tap' the way we are now. we only live a few minutes away and are always available to help them.
I would suggest they ask the HA to put them on the 'swap' or transfer list or however they do it, to move closer to her sister (which means moving UP the valleys) but remain within the health trust area.


as for the 'problem' family - if they don't know that L is one of the family they have a vendetta with..........then its very unlikely they would find out. I don't know my neighbours maiden name. why would that come up?

Brighton_belle

Atrix, thats a very clear explanation of yohr difficulties in processing info quickly. I think it just as much a sign of a good caring parent anyway to take 24/48 hrs to think thru such a situation and decide whats best for your children as well as you and yr wife. I don't think you are being selfish at all.
I would consider v strongly talking to your HA.
You own concerns about your own health care are valid too. It's a difficult situation foryou all. I think your wife will need to know you can ' hear ' her anxiety over the situation from her point of view too.

atrixblue.-MFR-.

corelli the referral was put through to pathways nearly 12 months ago but there no one at the end of the path to do any assessment or diagnosis, ive had to make complaints last week to LHB, which prompted an investigation and I should hear back in 4 weeks. ive already been contacted by CPN who said he left contacting me for a while because there was nothing else he can do, but I made another appointment any way because its been 4 months since last saw him.


any how. im going to think over it, take onboard whats posted and go from there.


the transfer waiting within the HA list if your already in a property for this area, is 2-5 years, there no one swapping out of this area people want to get into this area not swap out of it unless you want to be in the heart of all things bad.


and this HA has no property in the area my wife wants to go.

Person_one

meritaten wrote: »

you may think Atrix is being selfish. What you DONT know is that he has serious, longstanding Mental Health issues.

Yes we do, he told us. He seems quite capable of speaking for himself without his mum rushing in to take his side!