What would you do?

Person_one

atrixblue.-MFR-. wrote: »

the family in question doesn't "get on" with wifes family there have been many clashes in the past between the two families not the fault of my wife she wasn't involved but when they see relatives of wifes family theres usually fisticuffs smashed windows etc they target the family as a whole rather than certain indeviduals. so can see its going to be more than just having to deal with some ASB.


im in the stay where I am camp and deal with they throw at us, but my wife has had enough here, and this news today (which has been confirmed they are swapping as it was approved by HA yesterday we spoke with 2 doors up and pretty much confirmed the family is getting ready to swap with them and HA approved the paperwork its a matter of signing dotted lines) has set her mind in concrete.

Fisticuffs and smashed windows?

If your wife can realistically expect violence, threats and vandalism from these people, her desire to leave becomes more understandable.

atrixblue.-MFR-.

Person_one wrote: »

Fisticuffs and smashed windows?

If your wife can realistically expect violence, threats and vandalism from these people, her desire to leave becomes more understandable.

probably would end up that way once they find out that her maiden name.

thorsoak

atrixblue.-MFR-. wrote: »

OK so my wife has wanted to move house now for the past 12 months, were in a HA 3 bed at the moment it has decent garden space and decent front parking, its reasonably quiet yet as its a HA estate everyone is into everyone else's business but that's not bothering me I keep to myself.


Its been a sticking point in our marriage of late with the Wife wanting to be more closer to her sister, im not one for changing routine, I like where I am am comfortable in my home and surroundings.


today got wind of some news that could change the vibe to estate, A well known troublesome family is going to be doing a home swap with our neighbors 2 doors up form our house, they are know for anti social behavior, alcoholism, drugs, all night party's, and police back and forth looking for one member of the family or another.


now having lived through 2 past neighbors at different stages making my life and kids lives a bit of hell, I like to think ive got a thick skin, and I always win in the end using proper channels, wife don't share the same view as me though and hearing the above news about who's moving in 2 doors up has sealed in her mind that she's moving whether I go or not she is not going to stay here.


I'm torn, I have family close by, wife has family close by although wife don't see them, I'm making headway in getting a diagnosis for myself for my mental health issue's in this healthboard area, the area wife wants to move to has just cut all funding and scaled back all mental health services in their health board area, that may hamper with what achievements ive made in this area if I were to move to another healthboard area.


I'm not yet sure I want to move, im not prepared and I would need to sort a few issues in this house first as in I have to put a partition wall back up I took down (with permission), ill have to redecorate every room (although I was going to redecorate room by room from spring into summer anyway).


the houses in the street she wants to move to are smaller in terms of room sizes garden kitchen but living room are larger due to layout. theres parking issues as its on street and very narrow, and it is private rent as apposed to HA, incurring me £55,00 per month extra in rent I have to pay plus £40.00 per month council tax extra.


My wife thinks it unfair that im not prepared to move, she described what trouble could be a foot for us in terms of who's moving in. I'm not phased by it, but obviously kids would be.


what would you guys do here. would you upsticks and move even if financially you couldn't afford to? or would you stand ground and go through the whole trouble of going through proper channels again.

atrixblue.-MFR wrote:

The kids are 9 and 6 yrs, they are not happy in school at present because the school doesn't want to recognize my daughters ADHD and has put block in our way to get her extra help.

atrixblue.-MFR-. wrote: »

probably would end up that way once they find out that her maiden name.

So, your wife is unhappy, likely to be attacked by your new neighbours, your children are not happy in school and your daughter is not getting the help she needs for her ADHD, but you are happy because you will get help for your mental health issues.

What about the potential risks to your whole family? Or do you put yourself first every time?

Person_one

atrixblue.-MFR-. wrote: »

probably would end up that way once they find out that her maiden name.

Then move, of course! Why are you even asking?

Brighton_belle

thorsoak wrote: »

What about the potential risks to your whole family? Or do you put yourself first every time?

Bit harsh -OP is asking for people's views for clarity. For people such as the OP who struggle with change, moving is a really tough decision. and to me he is clearly not just putting himself first by asking for help.
And giving up a HA is a big deal. And who's to say his DD will get help at the new school?

thorsoak

Brighton_belle wrote: »

Bit harsh -OP is asking for people's views for clarity. For people such as the OP who struggle with change, moving is a really tough decision. and to me he is clearly not just putting himself first by asking for help.
And giving up a HA is a big deal. And who's to say his DD will get help at the new school?

..and his wife is in fear from the family moving in? That's going to do HER mental health a lot of good. Add the stress of the children getting the vibes from their mother are going to make the home a complete Stress City.

Brighton_belle

thorsoak wrote: »

..and his wife is in fear from the family moving in? That's going to do HER mental health a lot of good. Add the stress of the children getting the vibes from their mother are going to make the home a complete Stress City.

Yes, but his own anxieties need a bit of time to be processed - and this thread might be all it takes. Not everyone can jump to order. You could have just said the above, not been accusatory as well.

SavingPennies_2

To be honest it seems like you can't really be bothered and you aren't phased by potentially nuisance (even violent) neighbours. That's fine for you but you have to think about what is best for your wife and children as well. Im not saying they are right and you are wrong, not at all, but you have to take into account what is best for everyone. What about making a list of pros and cons with your wife?

atrixblue.-MFR-.

OK to clarify, when I posted post number 1 it was news we had heard from a third party, My wife had been hinting the last 12 months she wants to move, we then clarified the swap with 2 doors up that it was going ahead then I posted a further update.


the school are not helping with my daughter no But she has a consultant, and she is monitored for it, and her twin siblings referral is also going through our health board as she has symptoms of ADHD also.


I'm being tested for Aspergers and have fought long and hard to get where I am.


today has literally been sprung on me, when my wife heard the news I wasn't there she had recently seen the house for let in the street and contacted the agents before she came home then explained to me everything when she got home that I just haven't digested it processed it and got used to the idea.


this would be a massive step for my family. especially my daughters who also don't like change in routine.


I can put things wrong and type opposite to what I actually mean or muddle what I actually want to say so please bare with me.

thorsoak

So the uncertainty of having neighbours who might, at any time, single out your family for verbal or physical abuse would have serious impacts upon the well-being of both your daughters.

As a parent, I would do anything - even to the detriment of my own health - to keep my children feeling safe and secure.