Dealing with grief.

meritaten

Shushannah - I am so sorry.
I feel that through your grief you are struggling most with the 'why'. I cant shed any light on this and your son apparently didn't want to share his reasons.
I cant imagine your pain - it hurt just to read your post.
I can only say that perhaps talking to other people whose children have taken their own lives may help. perhaps there is a group near you? or your local library or GP may know of one.
My cousins son did this, and I know how hard it is to cope after - please find support, real physical support from real people. while us on the internet can offer words, we cant offer hugs or tears or real empathy.

Tiddlywinks

I'm so sorry for your loss.

Don't feel pressured into thinking you should be OK and moving on... it's only been a few short weeks...

I lost my mum after a short (wrongly diagnosed) illness two years ago and it is still hard sometimes... I know she is gone, but I am still angry about the circumstances and I miss her a lot.

I've found this book really helpful:

http://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/0140236082/ref=oh_details_o08_s00_i00?ie=UTF8&psc=1

It's not all touchy feely like some; it's quite blunt but honest... none of the platitudes that some people come out with.

The bottom line is that things may hurt for a very long time - that does not make it bad, it's just that you have lost someone important to you and that is such a blow that you will take a long time to heal.

You'll get through it - there'll be good days and some difficult ones - just go with the flow and don't be unrealistic about the time you'll need to get though it.

Take care of yourself.

poet123

I really don't know what to say, I hope you find some way of getting through this, you have to do whatever feels right to get through every day. Be kind to yourself.

This_Year

So sorry for your loss. You will, in time begin to move on but you must allow time for yourself to get through this and come to terms. Don't feel that you "should" be doing/feeling XYZ by now and don't compare how you feel with other people. You will get through this in your own time. My thoughts are with you.

mcja

I have no words which would be able to help at all, but you are in my thoughts, and have my deepest sympathy.
Do you have any other children? how are they getting through each day at the moment? I hope you are able to use the websites suggested.

Liz3yy

The closest I have come to this is losing both parents suddenly at a relatively young age....it hurts, really physically hurts and does for some time.

I am so sorry for your loss, nothing can make you feel better and only you can know how you are feeling and how to move on.

ampersand

Just returning to say I'm here and thinking of you still, Shushannah.
In quiet moments yesterday, I thought your name and of your son.

nlj1520

Couldn't read this without posting.......my deepest sympathy for this most terrible loss. It is such early days yet, do not expect anything of yourself. You are allowed to grieve in whatever way it hits you.

We are all different, it is OK to feel despair and sadness, anger and betrayal or perhaps numbness. Gradually the strong feelings will calm, the fog will begin to lift. Probably just for short moments at first, but over time you will start to feel part of the rest of the world again and even find little bits of happiness in it.

After a tragedy like this, even getting through each day is a challenge and an achievement. Sleep is a healer, but sometimes not possible after such a trauma. Would some help sleeping be possible if you are struggling? I have found recordings of natures sounds helpful, if you prefer not to take medication.

I do urge you to see your GP, although you may decide not to take medication to support you, the doc should be aware and be prepared to monitor you so that appropriate support can be found as and when you need it. That said not all GPs are as good as mine!

Try to get practical help....eating is important even when you don't feel you can swallow. A friend once sat and spoon fed me soup (when I was in a dark place following a trauma) encouraging me like she would have a toddler.....'Just one more mouthful' when I was unable to eat.

And do ANYTHING that helps you feel calm.

You have my very deepest sympathy and am sending you all the hugs in the world.

masonsmum

I am so sorry to hear of your loss. Losing a child must be the worst thing imaginable, I lost my brother when he was only 19 (8 years ago) and now I am a mother myself I look at my boys and cant possibly fathom what my parents go through on a daily basis.

My mum and dad will probably never be the same again, grief effects different people in different ways, my mum always acts strong but behind closed doors I know she has her bad days. It has also taken different stages of grief I remember for the first few years my mum was so full of anger and then only just last year she had what I would only describe as a small breakdown but after some counselling and a long spell off work she seems to be a lot better, I know being a grandparent certainly helps as she has my boys regularly and they seem to give her some meaning in her life.

Do you have any other children?

I also see huge changes in my parents relationship, in a good way though, I think their grief brought them so much closer together. It takes a long long time to get life back to normal after such a tragic loss but take all the help you can get, speak to your GP and counselling groups to help you through this difficult time xx

belfastgirl23

I'm guessing this will be a tough weekend for you. I was just thinking about you and wondering how you're doing.