Had enough...

flossy_splodge

There is another little point I would like to offer. If I've got it right, the two of you have a joint credit card? You keep saying that when you have it clear you will cancel it and keep your own CC to manage yourself. Well, you don't have to wait til its clear to cancel the joint one. You can contact your credit card company and explain what you want to do so it becomes inactive for both of you and you continue to clear it as you have already planned. The reeason I suggest this is it seems that at present as he uses his joint card and you don't know when and for how much you could find you imagine your next payment will clear it, only to find he's spent some more on it! See what I'm getting at? You really need to cut this source of money off for him NOW. Please don't wait, it could just keep going round in circles. Protect yourself first and then sort other things out. I so agree with a comment by Savvy Sue who said he has no incentive to change. This is crucial. few people make changes in their lives when they continue to get away with things. Give him an incentive to change - take away the option to run up debts as far as you are able and get his Dad to contact the credit card company and tell them that is no longer a valid address for him because as it stands, his Dad is colluding too! If he is blocked from having another card at least you will have less worry. Good Luck. x

crawli1

I rang the CC company concerned and they said they could only accept £500 payment over the phone but would accept full payment online and then I would have to wait until the account is showing as clear online before contacting them again to close the account.

We're now in discussions about changes we both need to make. One thing agreed is that I won't allow alcohol in the house from now on.

rizla01

Hi Crawli,

I just want to add that I feel sad about your situ.

You are an example to many and I can see that you're life along with littleun + 1, will be a success.

Be a proud person because you have a lot to feel proud about.

You are perfectly correct in your thinking and you shouldn't let this person put one tiny bit of doubt in your mind. Stick to your guns.

If you are unable to reason with him then it is his fault I'm afraid and you have nothing to blame yourself for.

It'll be tough bringing up two nippers, on your own, but you will do it, and by the sound of you, very well, too.

Savvy_Sue

OK, suppose you 'lost' the joint credit card and weren't quite sure where, but it could have been when you were out of the house. You have to ring and cancel the card, do they block both cards or just the one? If it's both (I'm sure someone will know, it's a while since I lost a credit card!) then you could do that, and make sure that when the new card arrives it suffers an accident in the shredder ...

I am appalled by the attitude of the CC company, btw. I know they WANT you to carry on running up charges, but is it worth trying to speak to a manager to get expenditure on the card blocked? What if you had left your ex already, would they still take the same view, ie that he can run up debts for which you are jointly liable?

crawli1

Savvy_Sue wrote: »

OK, suppose you 'lost' the joint credit card and weren't quite sure where, but it could have been when you were out of the house. You have to ring and cancel the card, do they block both cards or just the one? If it's both (I'm sure someone will know, it's a while since I lost a credit card!) then you could do that, and make sure that when the new card arrives it suffers an accident in the shredder ...

I am appalled by the attitude of the CC company, btw. I know they WANT you to carry on running up charges, but is it worth trying to speak to a manager to get expenditure on the card blocked? What if you had left your ex already, would they still take the same view, ie that he can run up debts for which you are jointly liable?

The CC account is going to be closed so neither card will/can be used. OH has given me his CC tonight to cut up. Agreed that he will only drink on a Friday and Saturday night which, to me, is a start in the compromising. He has also given me his bank card to withdraw money towards the CC bill from the money that he withdrew last week that he didn't tell me about. All this is a step in the right direction, hopefully it will last.

Thanks to everyone again for the sound advice and positive vibes xx;)

crawli1

rizla01 wrote: »

Hi Crawli,

I just want to add that I feel sad about your situ.

You are an example to many and I can see that you're life along with littleun + 1, will be a success.

Be a proud person because you have a lot to feel proud about.

You are perfectly correct in your thinking and you shouldn't let this person put one tiny bit of doubt in your mind. Stick to your guns.

If you are unable to reason with him then it is his fault I'm afraid and you have nothing to blame yourself for.

It'll be tough bringing up two nippers, on your own, but you will do it, and by the sound of you, very well, too.

rizla01 - Thanks. I wrote the original thread because I was so annoyed and I know people are really good on here at giving advice from the outside looking in. I didn't expect so much from everyone and all this gives me a little more faith in the caring nature that we all have inside of us. My problems are only small compared to others in the world today, but to know I can come on here and share my problems is great (especially when sometimes I don't feel like I can talk to those closest to me). It all just opens my mind up to other peoples thoughts on different situations, which is good for us all at some point. Thanks again :A

Savvy_Sue

Glad to hear that you seem to be making progress. If I were you, I wouldn't be making any more joint financial arrangements any time soon ... if he can't get credit in his own name, let him do without!

chrisewey76

i too wish you the very best of luck