Had enough...

Little_Miss_Saver

(((((HUGS)))))

Best of luck with whatever you decide and your new baby

LMS xx

pinkshoes

It sounds like by staying with this guy, not only are you given very little support, you're also under immense pressure, and are also going to end up with a life of debt and creditors.

If his dad sorted his debt out before, and not only didn't work, but also caused friction between them, I hate to say it but I think this is a lost cause.

Don't be afraid of being on your own again, because I think your kids would appreciate a happy less stressed mum, than the stressed state you're in now! just because you're carrying his baby isn't a reason to stay with him. Get yourself down the CAB, and get some advice about splitting your joint debts, so at least he ends up with half too.

Also, don't pay any money into your joint bank account, just your own private one, and make sure the credit card he's using isn't for a joint account.

I hope it works out for you.

Savvy_Sue

And phone Al-Anon if you haven't yet done so, because they will help you work out whether it's you with the problem or him ... and what do to about it.

FWIW, I think you both have a problem, him with the drink and you with facilitating both that and his evasion his financial responsibilities. But that's not a criticism of you, it's a statement of how things appear from what you've said. I can see you want to try and make this work, but so far I haven't heard anything which makes me think it's NOT working for him, so where's his incentive for change?

Taffyscot

Hi the guy is manipulating you because he is an alcholic and it is a disease of lies, shame, manipulation and guilt. The trouble is they are the masters of manipulatin. You say his mother gives him money and she doesn't care!!!!!! Don't you realise she is doing exactly as you are doing --- listening to his lies, believing him, feeling sorry for him, loving him, giving into him out of sorrow and guilt. I know because I am the other half's mother. Before you have a fit I do not mean literally but I have a son. Thank god he's single but I give into him and keep saying never again and he phones me so sad, so down in the dumps, feeling so useless etc and I feel so sorry for him and I feel a lot of love for him and his hurt and sorrow and I give in again. I know I am not helping him by giving him money and all my friends tell me I shouldn't but they do not have to put up with his pleas and feelings of no self worth do they? Alanon helped me years ago get my son into rehab but the years have slipped by and old habits have evolved again. You go to alanon for yourself you will feel peace and that you are not alone at least. Do not be overwhelmed and remember one day at a time. Take care Taffy

crawli1

Thanks for all the support and advice. Crunch time will be tomorrow morning when I go and pick him up. He knows I'm not happy. Whatever happens, things will change. I'm not afraid of being a single parent and I certainly won't be alone, but I will not put up with this anymore. Thanks guys.

crawli1

Scarlett1 wrote: »

the guy is a sponger, he should be looking after you rather than the other way round, does he have any good points ?

Most of the bills come out of his account - but he is sponging off me in another way. He is slowly sponging up all happiness out of me and I feel completely miserable, thinking about this and worrying about money all the time and seeing him just waste money the way he does.

chrisewey76

crawli1 wrote: »

Most of the bills come out of his account - but he is sponging off me in another way. He is slowly sponging up all happiness out of me and I feel completely miserable, thinking about this and worrying about money all the time and seeing him just waste money the way he does.

do yourself and your babies a BIG favour and GET RID !!! its scary at first but you get through it

skintas_2

my partner used to drink a lot. he had a bad credit rating so most of the debt, credit cards went in my name,.last year i had enough and cancelled all cards. couldnt pay the catalogue, i got a job and im paying it off. i wanted it paid in case we spilt and ill be stuck with all the debt. he realised this now, thats its like abuse. because he was spending all the money on fags and beer. he was taking money off credit cards. now i have rent paid direct debit and write a list every week of what we have coming in and goin out, what he has , basically his pocket money. i do this every sunday nite.it really helps

frivolous_fay

Seems the thread has moved on a lot from the first post, but I was going to suggest you cut up the damn card

James

Sorry to learn of you problem.

Martin warned about the dangers of having a PIN with a credit card pre Chip & PIN days.

The easiest way to stop this is to talk to your OH and get him to change his credit cards from Chip and PIN to Chip & Signature.

This means he has no access to cash.

Best of luck.