How do I find me again?

msb5262

I think you should talk to your GP - it sounds as if you're in need of some support, maybe in the form of counselling. It's not normal to feel this way; remember that depression and anxiety are illnesses and you don't have to just accept suffering as you're doing at present, so please think about having a chat with your doctor.

krustylouise

msb5262 wrote: »

I think you should talk to your GP - it sounds as if you're in need of some support, maybe in the form of counselling. It's not normal to feel this way; remember that depression and anxiety are illnesses and you don't have to just accept suffering as you're doing at present, so please think about having a chat with your doctor.

I have been like this from a very young age and my GP is aware of it. It doesn't limit me, I still work and take DD to school/rainbows etc. I have her friends over and she goes to her friends and we have a pretty "normal" life. I have seen numerous counsellors and am now seeing a new one to sort out my health anxiety and panic attacks whilst driving

heartbreak_star

Seconding a GP visit - you shouldn't be scared of pretty much everything

Good luck if I think of any other advice I can give I will pipe up.

EDIT: Oopsie, cross posted with you glad you are getting some help.

HBS x

lindsaygalaxy

Can your OH not come over to watch your DD 1 evening a week? If you are getting married I presume there is a good relationship there and when you are married he will be looking after her on his own sometimes anyway? Its okay to worry as long as it doesn't take over your life. If your DD is 5 maybe you could go for a daily walk together - maybe even get a pet to look after together? If your DD is starting a new school it is a perfect time to start meeting others, maybe join the PTA (but explain you work fit so can only help out not run things) or ask if any of the mums get together outside of school? You don't have to be a drinker to go out down the pub one evening, maybe find a babysitter and take the OH with you.

Kayalana99

krustylouise wrote: »

I fear everything!!! Honestly I'm too scared to drink, smoke, take drugs {even prescription drugs} i have panic attacks when I drive, I used to have them when I shopped, exercised, eating out, everything. It doesn't stop me trying some of these things {obviously not the drugs, drinking or smoking!} and slowly I am becoming numb to the fear, but it is difficult sometimes.

The other difficulty I face is finding the time, with working full time and being a full time single Mummy {I don't live with OH yet we're waiting until we're married} I don't have much time. I don't have any family to watch DD either and she only goes to see her Dad 1 night a week {and even then he sometimes lets us down!}

I wonder if this is a fear of death due to having a little one? I was really reckless before having my first but having a dependant gave me a new fear of death, perhaps yours is alot stronger then mine?

krustylouise

it originates from my childhood when my Mum was an alcoholic and then her death when I was 18, I know where it comes from and to a certain degree I just have to get on with it and like I say whilst I do get anxious in certain situations I am still living my life, and now have found the courage to start taking up new hobbies {whatever they may be!} x

krustylouise

lindsaygalaxy wrote: »

Can your OH not come over to watch your DD 1 evening a week? If you are getting married I presume there is a good relationship there and when you are married he will be looking after her on his own sometimes anyway? Its okay to worry as long as it doesn't take over your life. If your DD is 5 maybe you could go for a daily walk together - maybe even get a pet to look after together? If your DD is starting a new school it is a perfect time to start meeting others, maybe join the PTA (but explain you work fit so can only help out not run things) or ask if any of the mums get together outside of school? You don't have to be a drinker to go out down the pub one evening, maybe find a babysitter and take the OH with you.

Hi,

OH lives 40miles away and the nights he does visit he doesn't get home until 6pm, by the time we've had dinner and got DD to bed it's after 7:30 and at that time of day it's making lunch for the next day ad getting a shower and heading to bed. This is why I struggle to find the time to look for things I may enjoy.

DD is 6 and we often go for walks {especially in summer} and we live just round the corner from the park so we often go there or visit the allotments behind our house to see the chickens and rabbits etc. We also have 2 cats who we all love to bits

I will definitely explore the Mum's at school idea and see if they meet up. DD's old school all the mums were very cliquey and it made me feel very excluded! If you didn't have a BMW or a range rover you didn't fit!

I grew up in pubs so socialising in them definitely isn't my thing, I'm more of a cafe kind of person!

Kayalana99

krustylouise wrote: »

it originates from my childhood when my Mum was an alcoholic and then her death when I was 18, I know where it comes from and to a certain degree I just have to get on with it and like I say whilst I do get anxious in certain situations I am still living my life, and now have found the courage to start taking up new hobbies {whatever they may be!} x

Ah sorry I got the impression it started when you moved away and things changed then, sorry to hear for your loss x

krustylouise

Kayalana99 wrote: »

I wonder if this is a fear of death due to having a little one? I was really reckless before having my first but having a dependant gave me a new fear of death, perhaps yours is alot stronger then mine?

Yes it has got worse, I was always anxious but it definitely got worse after having DD. I suffered from PND {although didn't realise at the time and would not admit it!} I had bad health anxiety, every cold was life threatening etc. I am slowly getting back to "normal" and have a wonderful counsellor and don't rush to the Dr's for every tickly cough these days.

marisco_2

krustylouise wrote: »

I have been like this from a very young age and my GP is aware of it. It doesn't limit me, I still work and take DD to school/rainbows etc. I have her friends over and she goes to her friends and we have a pretty "normal" life. I have seen numerous counsellors and am now seeing a new one to sort out my health anxiety and panic attacks whilst driving

I hope this comes across the right way. Reading the above and your very honest and open account of the level of fear you suffer day to day, it is only your dd who is leading a normal life at the moment. You are working as hard as you can to support her and to give her a happy, fulfilling and very balanced childhood. Every parent will know how hard going it can be, even more so when you are doing this alone with little support or any chance of a break. All the while you are eaten up by anxiety and panic attacks trying to function. This is not normal or what you should accept for yourself. I really hope that the counselling sessions you are attending will help you. Have you thought of asking your dds' school to put you in touch with a family support advisor? There is one linked to most primary schools. The woman who has this role at the school where I work is wonderful and has been very useful in helping parents through difficult times and has offered invaluable advice.

May I just say well done for being brave enough to come on here and ask for help like this. I hope you find the responses useful and I am sure this thread will also benefit many others who feel just as you do.